Georgia Rose's blog: "Old Couple"

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M. , dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!" Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

There is a family gathering, with all the generations around the table. The teenagers smuggle in a Viagra tablet and put it in Grandpa's drink. After a while, Grandpa excused himself because he has to go to the bathroom. When he returned, however, his trousers were wet all over. "What happened, Grandpa," asked his concerned children? "Well," he answered, "I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back.

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your *ass goodbye!

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs. When she came out, the old man cried, "You can't go out like that!" She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you." Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker. The old woman says, you're going out like that?" And he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator.