Kiss My Asp's blog: "Ode Dear - collection of silly poems"

Whoooweee this was a tough one!   Reading the news one morning over breakfast I learned that his first name was "Muammar", and suddenly, without really thinking about it, I had four verses in my head to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody.  So it had to be done.  Go grab your copy of Bo Rhap, and sing along!  If anything doesn't appear to fit perfectly, listen more closely to the original vocal delivery.  It does match spot on, I promise!  Worked hard on this bugger, would appreciate some comments :)

 

BOHEMIAN GADDAFI

Are you a real man

Or a caricature

Don't you understand

You're not wanted any more

Open your eyes

As your regime dies

And see...

 

You're just a crackpot

You'll get no sympathy

Ruling by the gun, laying low

Time to go, don't you know

Natives have had enough

Days are getting rougher

For you, it's true

 

Muammar, just killed some men

Sent the army in with guns

Shot them all to kingdom come

Muammar, they're civilians

But now you've gone and blown them all away

 

Muammar, ooh-oo-oo-ooh

Your time is passing by

Although you may hang on beyond tomorrow

Can't go on, can't go on

Like nothing ever happened

 

Too late, you're on your own

Now the UN has moved in

And imposed a no fly zone

Goodbye, then Gaddafi

You've got to go

Gotta leave Libya behind and face the troops

 

 

Muammar, ooh-oo-oo-ooh

Don't want to say goodbye

You often wish those rebels weren't born at all

 

We see a little man who calls himself a colonel

Shift your tush, go on mush

No you can't stay there forever

Approaching day of reckoning

Exile is a-beckoning you

 

Ajdabiya, on to Brega

Ajdabiya, on to Brega

To the port of Benghazi

Rebellion

 

I'm still in power, gonna make you cower

Set the town alight using military might

Unless you cede to my authority

 

Major town on the coast

Will you let it go

Misrata?  No, we will not let it go

Let it go

Misrata!  We will not let it go

Let it go

Misrata!  We will not let it go

Let it go

We'll not let it go

Let it go!

Never let it go

Let it go-o-o-o

No no no no no no no!

Oh human shield won't you yield

We can end this bloody siege

The hell we will

NATO air support will take you out

You out, no doubt

 

 

(feel free to headbang in your vehicle with some mates at this point)

 

So you think you can fly in the face of opinion

So you think you can retain all of your dominion

No, never

Don't you try to be clever

Just gotta get out

Just gotta get right out of there

 

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

 

Your cabinet's defecting

It is plain to see

Everyone's rejecting

Everyone rejects your policy

 

This is where you step down.

Snappy title, eh?  In October 2005 I was fortunate enough to get to see Ronnie James Dio perform in what I  believe turned out to be his final full UK tour.  He was, as you'd expect, excellent.  To get there, I had to drive across central England during the peak of the afternoon/early evening rush hour traffic on a Friday, into England's "second city", not knowing exactly where the venue was or what parking may or may not be available.  This is the result of that journey.  BUT.  I wrote this to the tune of Alice Cooper's "I'm So Angry", which can be found on the CD "The Eyes Of Alice Cooper".  (it's getting on a bit now, so you might be able to find a free download). The  success of this directly led to me starting to write songs aswell.  Sadly, I'm still not a fast enough guitarist to be able to share the fruits of that particular development with you; but, all considered, that is probably a bit of a   relief for you!  If you possibly can, play the song and read along to the timing of the lyrics.  It will work SO MUCH BETTER than just reading the cold, silent text.  I promise.

 

Shunting, stopping

Patience dropping

Only moving slow

Are we ever gonna go?

 

Ducking, diving

Slipping, sliding

Trying to stay clear

Of the looney who's too near

 

The guy behind is a clown

One lapse is all that it takes

See how his bonnet rocks down

Every time that he brakes

 

Can't get a look

Beyond that truck

This is so frustrating

There's no room for overtaking

 

Squealing tyres

Rising ires

Someone's gonna crash

Don't let me be in the smash

 

What was that noise we just heard?

Was it the lane we are in

The driving here is absurd

Someone has had a spin

 

Driving on into the night

We can see those flashing lights

There's a collision on the other side

But at least we are still trekking

Everyone is rubber-necking

While I'm concentrating on our own ride

 

A38

The final run

We might not be late

In reaching Birmingham

 

City centre

Big adventure

All we need to know

Is where we gotta go

 

Think I'm going insane

Every road looks the same

Cannot find the right lane

Here we go round again

 

We could keep this up all night

Circling about to the right

This one-way system goes round and round

And although it isn't dark

We can not find the car park

As we keep on covering the same ground.

 

Is "rubber-necking" a British expression?  Any US readers don't "get it"?  Please let me know!

Came up with this in a random moment's silliness, and that led to my ongoing Toonacy series.

 

(Sylvester says)

I lay so still upon the box

When really I was stalking

Playing it crafty as a fox

To stop that damned bird squawking

 

(Tweety Pie says)

I tawt I taw a putty tat

Asleep atop the telly

I moved in for a closer look

And wound up in his belly!

In 2005, Australia had the best cricket team in the world.  Arguably, the greatest of all time.  England's sensational series victory had a largely disinterested nation suddenly gripped by Ashes fever.  Kids who "hated" the sport were suddenly playing it in their back gardens.  People who didn't care the first thing about it were wanting to talk to me about it all the time.  I responded in the manner I know best.

 

It's true!  England won The Ashes

There can be no Ifs or Buts

With cuts, and pulls, and brutal smashes

Our KP drove them nuts

The Aussies thought that they were ready

With a brash 5-0 forecast

They failed to take account of Freddie

Now their dominance has passed

For years our batsmen took great fright

In the face of Glenn McGrath

But this England know how to fight

And were the better team by far

Ol' Glenn is still a fearsome sight

And Warney, Brett Lee too

But none of them could change their plight

As we had something new

The king of swing (reverse, of course)

All hail Simon Jones

The Aus selectors had no recourse

Unlucky, Trevor Hohns

And of the men who made the calls

A new star has been born

He made the opposition look fools

Hats off to Michael Vaughan

But what of Ricky Ponting

Whose tactics crashed and burned?

His leadership found wanting

As England earned the urn.

 

 

CAST LIST:  Australia - Ricky Ponting, captain.  Glenn McGrath (pron. McGrar), star bowler, one of the best of all time. Shane Warne - world's greatest ever leg-spinner, cocky podgy beach-bum.  Brett Lee - excellent fast bowler, dangerous & powerful late order batsman.  Wonderful sportsman, the sort you want to be able to hate cos he plays for the opposition, but you just can't. Trevor Hohns - chairman of selectors.  England - Michael Vaughan, captain.  Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, England's greatest all-rounder for 20 years and talismanic presence. KP (Kevin Pietersen), phenomenally talented batsman, horribly over-confident, tragically undisciplined.  Simon Jones, marvellous Welsh reverse-swing bowler, typically (for a British sportsman) dogged by serious career-destroying injuries.  KP Nuts - trade name of well known bar snacks!

OK, unless you're British or Australian, forget it.  Had great fun writing this one, January 2011.

 

Back to back Ashes
There's dust on the pitch
Is this the start of
A seven year itch?
Australia are beaten
Battered and bruised
Whilst dear old England
Is highly amused

Ponting's li'l finger
Has suffered a break
He should have retired
Now there's a mistake
Who would have thought it
The Aussies can't bat
They don't bowl well either
How funny's that?

By keeping things simple
We won by the book
Who needs a barbie
With a talented Cook?
Our accurate swinging
Laid rest to their hopes
The fat lady's singing
"So long, Aussie dopes!"

 

Just in case you're interested, the Cook in question is Alastair Cook, England's Test Match opening batsman who scored the second highest number of runs by an Englishman ever, during an Ashes series in Australia.  Ponting, is Ricky Ponting, Australia's long-serving, and somewhat undisciplined, captain.

Just how I felt one morning.  Well, I say "one"....

 

 

It's one of those days

In so many ways

When your mind is just not on the job

We should be, instead

Relaxing in bed

If we didn't have to make a few bob

 

And the boss is there lurking

Making sure we're working

Typical! (Wouldn't you know it?)

As he walks out the door

He drops off some more

And we're dying to tell him to stow it.

 

 

 

I'm so proud of that Danger Mouse one it's like a little episode all on its own!  Comments please!! :)

Written early 2010. Would love to do some more cartoon-based ones for the wider appeal.  Post your suggestions, I won't ignore 'em!

 

 

I love the Ice Age series, think those two are amongst the funniest I've written.

The Pinocchio one might take a bit of thinking about lol