This is sad but true. A look into my life.
All this pain I can't take
The loss of love
The continuous heart break
I look around every corner
Sometimes I find a little happiness
The pain is always there
It never goes away
When I was a little boy
I had to grow up
Face reality, my sister was on drugs
she tried to kill herself
slit slit cut cut pop pop over dose
I tried to grow up
I joined the army
They told me to give 100%
and be all that I can be
I thought I was doing right
I was there for any fight
Then I heard of my father
That cancer took him fast as night
Several years went by and then I found you
You were my inspiration; the root of all my dreams
My life my everything
I thought finally this could be something true
All my life I looked for the good
The only thing that finds me is the bad
I had hopes and dreams for you
Dreams that you would be the best I ever had
Can't take this pain it eats me deep inside
All the memories
Makes me want to run and hide
I thought my life was good
I thought things were going right
then again my mom was faced with the fight
cancer took her too
before reality could set in
I saw what she was going through
rigormortis was rampant my mother had passed
In an instant I was in shock
Alone but wait I had my family
but only three weeks
is all that there would be
for my wife had taken
All I loved from me
Its not your fault I don't blame you
I just wish I could find a life
A life with me and you
I found my solace a place for me to be
Alone and at the same time happy
I started riding faster and faster
the speed was a rush a way to get away
leave all my worries behind
all my fears are there turn after turn
mile after mile speeding so it cant catch me
Then came the accident
a darkness I cant remember
I flatlined the darkness they thought I was dead
only thought I remember
a wetness in my head
but the pain didnt end
I guess it was meant to be
The pain ran rampant bleeding in my brain
Broken ribs severed spine
Road rash through my skin
Memory lapse I cant remember
I can't even begin
The pain never left, the physical pain never felt
Though I cant remember one thing was for sure
A happiness, not lonely all my friends where there
I hoped I was dead and could be happy forever more
When I awoke and realized what was there
a pain and broken bones hurt was everywhere
I left the hospital my son was back with me
I thank all my good friends for their hospitality
The pain was gone
the healing had begun
But wait my space
a picture was there
accidental open up
it was that of my ex
she had a belly but not like I remember
she was pregnant with a seed
from a different man
she had a different need
My world had collapsed the worst had come
My world was spinning, with no direction
I still had my brother
I had to hold strong
We are blood, a bond
We would be together long
But wait a will. My mothers last wishes
said that he would be taken care of by her friend
Thats ok he's still close
I'll see him often
The greedy bitch doesnt know the pain
She chose to send him to a boarding school
but wait, what a fucking tool
he has no phone no internet no outside communication
my brother is blood
he couldn't be gone
but he is taken from my life
Everyone I care about I seem to lose
I wouldn't wish for anyone
To ever fill my shoes.
I have a big heart
The biggest one I know
I lost all my family
Yet I continue to show
My love for those I truly care about
I wish and pray each day someone would be there
To show Me that I'm appreciated
Someone to say thank you for being you
Thank you
For all the good you do
Instead I find another knife to my throat
Another person there to laugh and gloat
Ha ha ha he he he look at me its so funny
The knife cuts deep
deep enough for pain
the pain never ends
its driving me insane
I don't know how to handle the pain
So I help the cuts, accept what I cant change
I direct the cuts and use the pain as strength
and with that strength I do good and help those that I can
I direct others and guide how to get over the pain
showing them there are others
with pain all the same
The pain never ends
the loneliness deep inside
I just want to meet that special girl
To be with me when I hide
I want this pain to end
the pain has run deep
So far within me
I can't even weep
I want this pain to end
just show me how
I want this pain to end
Please god take it away right now
