Have you ever sat in your room in the solitude and silence, looking at the ceiling and think things through? Thought of things you should have said but didn't. Things you could have said, but were too stubborn to reveal. Maybe you missed a chance to say, "I'm sorry", or "I love you".
Have you ever replayed an argument over in your head and wished your life had the [edit][undo] feature our computers have?
I learned long ago; life is filled with regrets. How we handle them is what determines the strength of our character. Do you run from your problems, bury your head in the sand and wish they went away on their own? Or do you summon the testicular or ovarial fortitude and face the problem you created head on?
My issue is my mouth. Those of you, who know me, may not be surprised by this claim. I can flay an individual with a mere glance and a well placed insult. I learned this defense mechanism at a very young age. I'll either try to kill you with a mean glare that will skin you alive, or shred you to pieces with my words.
The problem with this defense mechanism is that I don't always think before I speak when my buttons get pushed. For example: I once went to my local grocery store with my kids after working a long day at the office. I remember it well... I had purchased about $80.00 worth of groceries, after everything was scanned, I handed the cashier my debit card. She informed me their teller machine was down, so I did the next best thing... I started to write a check. She says (loud enough for the people in the next lane to hear) "MA'AM, YOU CAN'T WRITE A CHECK HERE... DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CASH!!??", to which I replied (very calmly, I might add), "If I had the cash, I wouldn't be writing a check or trying to use my debit card, now would I?"
She rolled her eyes at me, and let out a *SIGH* before saying, "Why don't you go down the street to the bank's ATM. I suppose I can hold your cart for you. That's when it happened... the flap that goes from my ass to my mouth permanently lodged in the OPEN position and I let her have it. I very calmly and very succinctly told her to shove my cart straight up her pooper. Then I grabbed my purse and my keys and marched out the door. My kids almost pissed their pants laughing as we made our way to the car. Guess I've done a pretty good job not showing my ass in front of the kids. They still talk about it to this day.
The problem that I encounter is when I lash out without thinking to those I love or who are dear to me. They may do something unintentional, or might be having a bad day and lash out at me, and I'll let the forked tongue fly. The nice thing about online friendships is that you can edit your words before speaking them. We don't have that benefit in the real world. We can't take back or edit the things that fly out of our mouths. Normally I'm pretty laid back and let things slide off my back. I try and find humor in all things at all times. However; we all have our limits. When mine is met and crossed, my Irish blood gets a'boilin, my ears turn red, my jaw clenches enough to turn my back molars to dust, and I let her rip...
What I think we all need to learn to do is watch what we say in the fit of anger. Who will our words hurt and how will our words be taken? Is the damage done irrevocable? And most of all, what example are we setting if our children observe our actions?
What do YOU do when you're pissed? Do you lash out like a banshee or do you just climb the nearest clock tower?
