Spazalicious's blog: ""

What is the point of stopping by and not say hello?? I think that is pretty damn rude..I could less about the points..but is it really that difficult to be nice and say hi??....I noticed that 98% of my profile viewers didnt bother to say hi..Not even calling me a bitch(which has happened)... So that had me thinking..There is like 400 + on my friends list and I maybe talk to 20 regularly...That just tells me that the rest are either just there to earn a few points or simply an "attention whore"..Or both...I am neither and thats why I could less about points and wont lose any sleep over deleting peeps that are just taking up space... Well thats all folks..Im done with my rant...for now anyway..lol Time to finish up the deleting...

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways.. blah,blah,blah And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of stuff like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of 30(34 to be exact), I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! 1. When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the darn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! 2. There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! 3. There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! 4. We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! 5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collection agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! 6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! 7. When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just out of luck! 8. Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on or actual get up off your ass to change the channel!! And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons! 9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an idiot. 10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom - guess what we had to do.....hang up and talk to them later. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

In the Land of Oz….New Year’s Thoughts…. And Other Things ….. I thought with everything that's happened this year it would be good for me to review the year and try to end on a more positive note. I have had to learn a lot of difficult lessons this year but also many good things too. So for myself I've decided to make a list of things I've learned this year. I frequently have said that I have felt like a "fish out of water" or "lost without a map" … but I have also felt like 'Dorothy in the Land of Oz"…. a stranger in an unfamiliar land… exploring the inner me. I have encountered "flying monkeys", warriors, traveling companions and more. I have also been "lost" several times this year, taken hostage (by my emotions), and have had more than one interesting adventure. I have at times felt in "mortal peril", at the "end of my rope", and "out on a limb", (metaphorically speaking)… but I have survived it all and am ready for the next leg of my personal journey. So here is a list of things I have learned this year: **** That I am a good person… but I make loads of mistakes. But am willing to learn from them. **** That I have more really good friends than I ever realized. **** That I have family that care about me…. no matter what. **** That I am fearful of: rejection, being un-loved, loneliness, change, and the unknown… along with high open places and deep water. **** That I really love to write… about everything and anything. And that that makes me happy. **** That I have 4 great kids that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. **** That I like having new interests and new people in my life… even if it does make me feel a little crazy sometimes. ****That I am still learning about who I am. and am comfortable with that. **** That I am unique…. and that's OK… too. **** That I like learning new, unique and interesting things. **** That I still believe in "kindred spirits" and keep adding them to my list of favorite people in my life…. whether they know it or not. **** That I have a lot of love to share…. but that I realize I don't really understand love at all… and am still learning. ****That I talk too much sometimes and I have to learn to listen. Not just to other people but also to the "inner me". ****That I am a dreamer and I have dreams and that is ok too. That it is not wrong to have dream. ****- That people will not always understand you even if you help them try... and that is ok. You don't always have to be understood. ****That life and people are hard sometimes hard to understand. But that doesn't mean you stop trying. ****-That there will always be people in my life to catch me when I fall, help me, and teach me... and that I am grateful for that. ***That I will try to gratefully and without fear do the same for others. help them, and catch them if they need it. **** That I still have a lot to learn about everything. That I know less about everything than I ever suspected. **** That if I keep going with this list it will be as long as my arm or longer…. LOL…. So, I am also learning when to stop, and when to let go… So this is my very partial list of things I've learned this year. And I must say it is VERY partial. And in doing this it makes me wonder what my friends have learned this year. So I hope those of you who stop and read this blog while I am away for the New Year will leave a comment sharing either one thing or many, about what you might have learned in 2007.

I was recently asked "Why didn't you just leave"?....Its very hard to just pick up and leave..Took a long time..found a chance and now,I'm a survivor The question every survivor of domestic violence has been asked, and the question that is most hated. And it's usually asked by people who have never experienced domestic violence, otherwise, they would know the answer. In a domestic violence/abusive relationship situation, it's never as easy as just saying "I don't like what you are doing to me, see you later, I am gone". When the abuse is at the point where the victim "should" be walking, it's way too late.So................why? People who abuse (be that physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally, verbally, it's all the same), do it for control and power. They dominate and manipulate until the victim is powerless and cannot see a way out. I am NOT saying that there isn't a way out, just that it is made harder to SEE a way out. Control can take so many forms, but the most common ways are: Belittling - "You are worthless, you are stupid, nobody would ever want you, you are ugly, you are lucky you have me to put up with you". Continued belittling diminishes the victims self esteem to a point where the victim starts believing everything they are told. It's brainwashing at it's best. Even strong people, continually devalued lose their self worth. It doesn't always take it's form verbally either. Imagine a partner "took over" every aspect of your life!! Down to the simplest of things, like doing all the household chores. Left with nothing at all to do, a victim becomes "nothing", unimportant to anybody or anything, no role in life. Becoming "nothing" is soul destroying and takes away all purpose. Distancing - Placing distance between family and friends. Making a point of "seeing" slights made, innocent comments made by family or friends are twisted to seem as insults. For example: "Notice how your family or friends never ask you over anymore?"; "YOUR friends don't like ME and make ME feel unwelcome"; "YOUR family deliberately leave us out of everything"; "They don't really love you, only I love you". A victim feels the ONLY person who truly loves them is their abuser. The only person left they can rely on. Dependence - This is not only in the form of money but making sure the victim has no means of support ensures the victim becomes "dependent" and "reliant" on their abuser. Subtle ways of removing independence are rife. "You can't drive the car today, I noticed something is wrong with it. I don't want you having an accident"; "Don't touch the money in the account, WE need that for bills"; "Don't worry about the food shopping, I will take care of it, you look tired". Showing concern is a clever way of making it appear as though they truly do care, whilst "keeping" their victim exactly where they want them at the same time. Away from everything and everyone. Threat - "You can't leave, I'll come after you, find you, and hurt you"; "I will hurt you/the kids/the pets if you try and leave"; And the worst piece of emotional blackmail ever; "I will kill myself if you leave". Threats are aimed at instilling fear and guilt into the victim. Fear itself is more than enough of a factor to stop ANYONE from leaving no matter how bad the situation. Fear for ones own safety, fear for the safety of others, fear for the safety especially of loved ones. That fear overrides the fear of what may or will happen if they stay. Manipulation - Abusers are particularly adept in the art of manipulation. In fact their skill at it surpasses that of a two year old child. They use words artfully to make the victim the "bad" one, and instill a sense of wrong-doing within the victim. A sense of blame that lays squarely on the victims shoulders. "YOU made me do it"; "YOU made me angry"; "YOU know I don't like that"; "YOU know what that makes me do". The victim spends so much time then questioning themselves and their own actions, believing they must be terrible, awful, ugly, hopeless, weak people to MAKE their abuser treat them the way they do. "If I didn't do this, then maybe he would love me more"; "Perhaps I should have done something different". Ultimately the victim is left with "I deserve what happens to me". Guilt - Love, or what is perceived to be love, is the biggest, most powerful factor of all. You go into a relationship, you believe yourself to be "in love" and that "love" is not something you want to let go of so easily. "If you loved me, you wouldn't leave" Guilt is placed on the victim, not only by their abuser, but by family and friends as well. "You married this person, you shouldn't give up so easily on the marriage. You should fight harder for it to work" Add all these factors together, see how they blend? How they become one and the same? Their ultimate aim is to destroy the self esteem, independence, worthiness and willpower of a victim so that the abuser has complete control. A victim, being usually isolated from everything is convinced, right or wrong, that it is IMPOSSIBLE to leave. Their support network is minimal or non-existent; their means of supporting themselves, and their children is seemingly gone or simply doesn't exist at all; they are afraid for themselves and their children; nobody will help them because they are weak, ugly, worthless creatures; they feel that it is their "duty" to stay; and they "love" their abuser, regardless of what is happening. I am NOT saying victims are weak! They ARE weakened! It takes enormous strength to risk your own life and that of your children, day after day, to stay and survive. It takes even more strength to get out. Unfortunately many victims are "weakened" to a point where they simply cannot get out, and some never do. Before you ask the question "Why didn't you just leave?", think carefully. It's all very well to sit there and say "I wouldn't have allowed that to happen to me", but in truth, it can, and does, happen to anyone. The abuser is a master of manipulation and control and can fool even the smartest, most aware person. If you are asking that question, you are most probably asking someone who DID leave, and questioning their past choices is re-victimising them. They have fought, long and hard, for themselves and are not victims anymore. They are SURVIVORS

You see the woman with the sharp wit, the woman that can and WILL tell anyone what they need to be told, and the woman that has learned to be strong enough to stand on her own. What I don't always show you is the girl inside…the girl that is sometimes afraid of her own shadow, and the girl that occasionally cries herself to sleep because she's so scared that she's making a mistake and she's going to fall on her ass YET AGAIN. I'm still the girl that will do it anyway. Because I can't afford to take the chance that it might not be a mistake after all. In the wee hours of this morning, I was called an opinionated little bitch. Then, the Viagra posterboy told me that my blogs were mindless and unimportant. All because I denied his request for friendship and told him that I didn't like the cult-like way he ran his blogs and that I felt that he exploited women by having them write their "sob stories" on his blogs and allowing him to take all the credit for it. It apparently pissed him off because I hit a nerve. Whatever. He proved my point. I won't tell you who he is, because I'm sure that some of you read his blogs and I'd rather not start a blog war. Douchebag: (n) An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears. I don't have a lot of money. I'm not model material. I eat sweets and drink too much Pepsi . I laugh alot with an occasional snort.My hair frizzes and looks like shit when it's humid. I have stretch marks. I am a mother to 4 kids. I'm divorced. I don't return calls when I should and I avoid calls that I shouldn't.I hate washing dishes. But I'm real. I may be an opinionated little bitch, but at least the only person I'm exploiting is myself.

defines INTEGRITY as: ..> ..> ..>..> 1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. ..> ..> ..>..> 2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire. ..> ..> ..>..> 3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull. What I want to know is where does it come from? And just why is it for some people to do what they say they are going to do? If there is some reason, you cannot keep your word, please call someone and let them know you will not be able to make it. Do not leave them hanging. Nothing pisses me off more than for someone to do this. In my opinion, when someone tells me they are going to do something and then they don't without a reasonable reason as to why not, my respect for them goes down to almost zero. Is this really the way you want to be treated. What's so hard about keeping your commitments to others? Or the promises one has made? Huh? What is so wrong with this world that we can't keep our word to one another? Where has integrity gone? Has it disappeared along with everything else? Where have the days gone when a person's word was good for everything? Now to get anyone to do something for you on a specific date, you almost need it written in blood. Yes, I know there are times for different reasons we can't always keep our words and tell little white lies to keep from hurting someone's feelings. I've done it and will do it again. But when someone has counted on me, I've moved heaven and earth to be there for them. I know things come up in life that needs our attention more, but please, what happened to a simple phone call to let someone know, I can't do this or that? Is it really that hard?Excuse my rant for today. But is it so wrong to expect some consideration and respect?

WHERE ARE WE HEADING? The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; We've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but, lower morals. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We've become long on quantity, but short on quality. These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. Where are we heading ....? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. To often we take our family members for granite; don't spend enough time with our children, forget to talk to our children about values, respect and doing your best no matter what. To often spouse's work late, don't eat together, criticize to much, forgot how to show each other respect. Sex becomes an act and walls are built. In our society, we easily forget the grandparents except on holidays or birthdays.

What exactly does it mean when someone is happy? In their life, I mean. I guess this can be (and should be) purely subjective, but here're my thoughts on the matter.... as if you needed to ASK for my opinion! My definition of being happy in life is just not having to tolerate shit. When things are quiet, I'm good. Like now... No drama is happening right now, I don't have a major catastrophe (knock on wood) to deal with, I'm not sick... you know what I mean. Right now I'm just going through my day to day with relative ease. This makes me happy. While it's true that I'm desperately overdue for a vacation..I'm pretty okay with where my life is right now. Some people aren't happy unless they have STUFF. George Carlin did a whole comedy routine based on the American people's propensity for collecting STUFF. When we fill a house with our stuff we store it in the garage. We even rent spaces somewhere else to keep our stuff. Sometimes we put it on tables in our front yard and sell our stuff to other people who are out collecting even more stuff to put in their own garage and rented spaces. This is what makes these people happy. Not for me, but hey, who am I to stand in the way of their happiness! Other people aren't happy unless they are doing something illegal. Thieves, druggies, rapists, murderers. You name it. The personality of these people is such that they aren't happy unless they are making someone else UNhappy. These people are happiness stealers and don't deserve their special brand of happiness. Some people aren't happy unless they are causing drama. Some people aren't happy unless they are constantly working towards a goal. Some people just aren't ever happy no matter what. I admit that my view on what makes me happy might be a bit dim. I realize that my expectations for what makes me happy are low. That's ok with me. It makes me happy! If my expectations are low, then I'm not as easily disappointed, right? I have such high expectations for other parts of my life that I can't keep all those balls in the air anyway, so why not make my life easier by setting one of those balls aside - not dropping it, I didn't say dropping it - but merely putting it somewhere I don't have to worry about it. Do what makes you happy. Read "Who moved my cheese?" if you don't know how. Great book. Valuable advice. Easy read too... Of course if what makes you happy is illegal... don't do it. Just don't. Simple as that. Your happiness should never come at the expense of others or it's not genuine. Genuine happiness is like sunshine breaking through the clouds - everyone can see it and be warmed by it. I'm not happy with this blog.. I feel it's missing some pieces that are as elusive in my mind as something seen from the corner of the eye, or sasquatch, or the loch ness monster. I don't like it when I can't come up with the words to communicate what I truely want to say!! If you have any thoughts, and it would make you happy to add them, then by all means click 'add comment'! :) And have a happy day...

1. I've come to realize that, my ex is: is only human even if I couldn't live with him anymore 2. I've come to realize that, I talk : as much as I can listen and that is a good balance of communication 3. I've come to realize that, I love : passionately and fully with every ounce of my being 4. I've come to realize that, I have: much to be thankful for even though I have my bad days 5. I've come to realize that, I lost : some things in my life that I miss dearly but if I lost them, it was not mine to begin with. 6. I've come to realize that, I hate it when : people judge you because no one has the right to judge you unless they spend a week walking in your shoes. 7. I've come to realize that, I'll always be: the gal who puts others first. 8. I've come to realize that, Marriage is: the number one cause of divorce. (ok I am trying to be funny but it is the truth as far as I am concerned) 9. I've come to realize that, somewhere, someone is thinking : the same thoughts as me 10. I've come to realize that, I'll always be : true to my convictions 11. I've come to realize that, I have a crush on : my heart and I know the importance of taking care of that. 12. I've come to realize that, The last time I cried was : tears of real sorrow. 13. I've come to realize that, My cell phone is: is best used to listen to music. 14. I've come to realize that, When I wake up in the morning: I will start a new day everyday with a clean slate. 15. I've come to realize that, Before I go to sleep at night I: will say a prayer for those I care about. 16. I've come to realize that, Right now I am thinking about : a lot of things and nothing. 17. I've come to realize that, Babies are : are a gift and you should remember that daily 18. I've come to realize that, Today I: realized a lot of things. 19. I've come to realize that, Tonight I will : take comfort that God is with me every step of the way. 20. I've come to realize that, Tomorrow I will : work my butt off 21. I've come to realize that, I really want to: go for a walk, read a book, take some pictures and enjoy my kids. 22. I've come to realize that, The person who is most likely to repost this: someone that hasn't done it already. 23. I've come to realize what hurts the most: is thinking I have hurt someone. I know pain and I don't ever want to be the cause of someone's pain so I am mindful of that all the time. .. 24. I've come to realize that life is: Full of lessons to learn and if you are willing to learn from life, you are that much wiser.

What kind of person should I be? In answering that question, many possibilities come to mind. I think that there is who I am, who I think I am, who I want to be, who I wish I wasn't, and many more ways to explore that question. I explain to my children about how they need to be them selves. I watch them struggle, as I do, to figure out who that is. People change "who" they are with different people. There are different "hats," if you will, for each individual you meet. Everyone I know is going to have a different opinion about who I am and who I should be. That is because I would not act the same with some as I do with others. I believe that the person I am (or the person that everyone is) is a basis of your parents, and then a piece of every family member, friend, or significant other you have ever met. If it were not for ONE of them, YOU would be different. There is that person your parents want you to be, the people who love you who think they know what is best for you, try to convince you of who you are. The good student, the great mom, a loyal friend, or some other form of what people perceive me to be…or am I just me. Do I live my life for me or for someone else? Am I being true to me and who I am or am I falling into a realm that someone has placed me? Is there true happiness to being who I am or falling into what others expect? I think there are times in which expectation is the root, which grows uncontrollably disabling me from flourishing into who I was meant to be. In deciding, what kind of person I should be is again perception and expectation. Should be or want to be are the pulls of life that control everyone into some form of transition. Mood changes and different levels of actions portrayed for each person, only emphasized with those you are most comfortable. I heard this story once about a little boy and his mom. The story explained how the mom had more respect and tolerance for a perfect stranger than she did for her own son. Not because there was not total love and respect for her child, but because the demands placed on a person everyday has tendencies of enabling a person to let go when in the presence of someone they know and trust. Who is this mom? Who does she think she is when she is faced with a stranger, versus faced with her own child? I believe that is where confrontational skills derive from. I believe your level of skill is based on how comfortable you are with yourself. Every day I am faced with the questions of life, am I happy, am I where I am supposed to be, am I happy with the choices I have made, and most importantly, am I happy with the kind of person I AM?