NJExoticDiva77 xSexylicious OG's blog: "The Salt Lyfe: Just How it Is!!"

I'm Happy. Its been a LONG time. All I can say is I'm glad everything went the way it did. Everything happens for a reason. With my husband, I never dealt with my issues, I pushed them aside and tried to forget them, but they grew bigger in the corner... when we went our seperate ways, I HAD to deal with them. And the deadbeat X I had in the middle kinda made me deal with them... which is ALL I can thank him for besides my Precious Littlest Angel I have been blessed with as a result of our relationship.  When I was alone, I had time to evaluate my life and deal with my issues and see WHAT I really wanted. I had time to be sad and time to think. Many people are delusional and think I want that loser back in my life - I Don't. I don't want him in my life at all. I have three son's of my own - and don't have time for a 30yr old child that doesn't feel like working and uses people. I don't have room in my life to tip toe through the house so he doesn't get mad and throw things at me or worse.  I was sad for a long long time. I had lots of factors to deal with. I lost many people close to me, and one of those people brought my husband {Yes Husband} and I together... and another one of those people was a huge part of my life, and the father of my 1st child. I can take my life and make a blockbuster movie - literally. I had many obstacles I had to sort through. I took the time and did it. And when I did - I was able to clearly see what I wanted, and made goals and plans on how to get there. I am divorced, but from the man I should be with - The MAN who has been there all along and who never left my side no matter WHAT. For OVER 10 years. 10 REAL Years day in and day out. I was never able to give my heart to him the way I wanted because of the unhealed pain from my one true love because We never had closure - We never got a chance to say goodbye, and never planned to. It still hurts but I know he is watching over me from above. In a way, the guy in the middle- reminded me Of HIM. I felt like maybe I could be with HIM again -but that guy wasn't HIM as much as he had some resemblance. I didn't fully love him, I loved the thought of him. I loved the things about him that reminded me of the one I do love. When I was with him I thought of my true love. The only difference was that my true love Was a Great lover, as opposed to his proxy. Fact is, nothing can bring him back and nobody can take his place in my heart or fill the void I felt. But when I realized this, I also realized that there was no void, as he will live forever in my memories and all the years we shared will always be part of me, and I can pass them on to our son. His "proxy" did me wrong on so many levels, but at the same time, did me good. He saw I had wings and Showed me... so when he pushed me, I flew. And I'm moving Forward in my life with nothing stopping me.  I had the most beautiful New Years Eve with my husband, it couldn't have been more perfect - on the beach with a blue moon. I brought my baby boy into the world January 8th, and the next day it snowed. Here in Florida it SNOWED. For the first time in over 8 years we had snow in Cocoa Beach. From my hospital bed I had the most beautiful view. My baby in the crib right next to me, and in the background: The bay and part of the ocean with snow falling in the early morning. Hints of sunrise mixed with the fading nightly lights and glistening white snow. {I wish I could have taken a picture, but from the bed it didn't turn out.} In any case, I knew in that moment that My Hell Literally Froze Over.

And now for the first time in a long time... I'm happy. Truly Happy.