Well as you know my grandfather passed away. It's been about two weeks now, it hurts. There are days I'm fine and then there are days where it hits me hard. Last Wednesday was one of those days. I was hoping to hang out with one of my friends, but she had plans already. So there went that idea of having someone to talk to about it. Work still doesn't know about it. Maybe I should tell them. But I feel that if I do then it's admitting that my grandfather is gone. I'm still doing the out of sight out of mind thing. Thinking it's not real. Maybe that's the reason why I don't want to go home to Atlanta or to California. Then I would be admitting that he's gone. Lately I've been crying at night b/c of the hurt I have. The missing feeling I have. I finally talked to my mom, since this happened, yesterday. She told me that my grandfather is laid to rest and that my Uncle Steve didn't want to help out with the arrangements. I don't blame him I wouldn't want to either. I don't know how my dad is taking it really. In fact I've never seen my dad express real emotion. I've became that way myself till this happen. I was on the phone to one of my friends when my cell went off and my mom told me. I was crying when I hung up with my mom. Crying on the way to my friends place. A trip that normally takes me about 30 minutes to drive if that, took me an hour to get to her place. My oldest sister Michelle, is going to have a memorial service for him on our birthday.This year my birthday is going to suck. I don't even think I want to celebrate it really. I feel guilty b/c he would always ask me when I was coming out to visit him. And I would just say I don't know, we'll see maybe soon. And well soon wasn't soon enough, I'll never beable to celebrate our birthday together again.
