Losing myself
Have you ever felt that you are losing yourself? I've been here seven years now, and I feel there's a part of me that I'm losing. It's weird, I get up in the morning look at myself in the mirror, and I see someone that I don't know anymore. I knew who I was, and where I came from. I mean when I was the young airman, it was speak your mind and you'll get things changed or at least find out why we are doing the things we are. Now it's come to the point where I just play the game of shut up and color. Something I never thought I would ever do. It seems to be getting worse, the longer I stay here, the more time they have to make me into one of them. "A yes person" okay come on, you know what a "yes person" is everyone has them. It's the people who suck up to the big shots in the work place. That's something I don't want, but I'm finding myself doing. Before I would just say "fuck that!" and now it's more of "yes sir I'll get right on that"
I could put all the blame towards, work but I know it's not to blame, even though I think I spend most of my time there. Sure I think a part of me did die when my grandfather passed away. In fact I know for a fact a part of me did. Now it just seems...I don't know it hard to explain. But with everything else going on in my life, I'm just losing it. My world has finally came crashing down around me.
So I guess no matter what, we all lose ourselves along the road we travel. It's just do you take a look around and try to find yourself, or do you just keep walking?
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.
