http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJduo835kOw
This video was made for a man that the world lost, but I play it in tribute for my brother Russell A. Stiles who was taken from his loved ones in August of 1996. He is one of my younger brothers, only 2 yrs younger. I always remember him as a true shit stirrer. No stranger to trouble or sorrow. He had a smile that would light up a room and a temper to match a damage of a bomb. The one thing I can say about my brother that noone can ever take away from him or me is that no matter what trouble or problem he was having at the time he always made sure my sister and I were safe and things were dealt with. My brother had a very bad drug problem which in the end contributed to his death. He drowned in the Ohio River just off shore with people standing there watching and doing nothing. When I was told of my brothers death I had to be strong for everyone else and then the time came for me to deal with it. Needless to say I didn't do well. I blamed myself for him dying, I was the oldest I should have been able to save him somehow. I should have been able to help with his drug abuse. Crack was his habit. Now don't get me wrong I don't judge anyone for their hobbies but for me again it is a personal choice. The day my brother went away from me part of me went with him forever. I then started to have problems with depression and it has never gotten any better. I deal with it everyday. Some people ask me about me about using the name Angel, I have a few Angels. The one Angel I speak of the most is Russ, he was 27 when he passed, a 9 month old brother, My father(may he finally rest in peace), and a baby of my own, which I lost due to being beat up. And there is a new Angel in heaven for me which I won't speak of because of other people involved. Some of you know I was very upset recently and I do want to thank you for you're help in helping me understand why my pain and mourning was so strong. I wasn't just mourning my new Angel but my other Angels as well. I wanted to tell my story so you can understand me better. I may come off as a hardass or a smartass or whatever. I am human after all and I have parts of me that only a few will ever truely know because you see right through me and that scares the hell out of me. Thank You All for what you have done for me I hope someday to be able to repay your kindness and concern for me I do love you all.
Jacki (Angel)
P.S. My Angels Thank You
