Seems noone understands at times what I go through. I feel as if I should just give in and lay out my arm and allow the rest of what life I have to be drained from my body. Trapped in a life I no longer want. Everyday begins with the understanding that the only reason some people are in your life just so they can have you take care of them. I at times hate the fact that I'm alive. Who's to blame me or them?? Mine for allowing myself to care to much what other people need or want?? Theirs for expecting it?? I have tried to step back from it all but I am drug back into it by guilt that I'm giving up or not doing what they think I should.Guilty for not loving enough. Tired of breathing only to make other peoples lives better but just have myself be unhappy. To wish I could disappear and never be found again!! I know if I could do that somehow , someway I would be found again. To feel like the only hope you have for happiness is to pack the most important objects and just find a shack in the hills to live with no way to communicate to the outside world. To walk alone for the rest of your life for fear you're going to be pulled back in again. To hate waking everyday and find you have woke at all. Wishing your next breath is your last. To know your anger and hurt is just something for others to laugh about because they don't care. These are my thoughts at times. I know they are dark and gloomy thoughts but I have them and so much more but I dare not put them in words on here for fear I'll be considered crazy. Maybe I already am crazy. Who's to say other than myself.
