i dunno how tim always managed to BRAINWASH me over the years. everything that ever came outta his mouth was a fucking lie & reading about 2004 is so frustrating & i juswanna go back & kick my ass for falling for his shit AGAIN. i'm SO happy he went back to theresa (& then she proceeded to leave him a few years later after i was already married to jamie so tim KNEW he'd never EVER get me back ever again!!) so i should credit her for SAVING ME FROM TIM!! Thanks Theresa!!! (totally NOT sarcastic this time!!!) if it wasn't for HER i coulda made the biggest mistake in my life & i have no idea what woulda happened to me but i know it would not have been GOOD. phew! that was CLOSE!! but seriously all he ever did was drag me down, all he ever wanted to do was FIGHT & be miserable & wanted me to be unhappy. & that's not how marriages are supposed to be.( & did i seriously fucking think that i was gonna marry him??? seriously?!!!) that's not fucking NORMAL. jamie makes me happy & i make him happy & we are happy to be HAPPY!!! it's so fucked up that some people wanna be with someone but don't want them to be happy. they isolate them & don't want them to have friends cos they hafta have all of yer attention all the time for their constant 24 hour PITY PARTY!!! & if they see yer happy they hafta drag you down to thier level. fuck that shit!!! i love my husband so much & we live to make each other happy not DESTROY each other like tim wanted & he HAD to have DRAMA & CHAOS in his life & my life wasn't about that & he didn't like that i didn't wanna fight w/him everyday like theresa.....he was so miserable he wanted me to be as miserable as he was/is. i am so lucky that i fucking got away from him. enough of this shit i gotta get ready to go out with JAMIE tonight cos also UNLIKE TIM we like to go out & have fun.
ugh...today i am retyping my old LJ from 2004. when all i wrote about was "brandon this & brandon that"! It is SO fucking annoying...all i ever did was call brandon,make out with brandon & get pissed at brandon. i 'm so sick of brandon right now!!! arrrg... i just read this entry where i called him & he told me i was dramatic & that i would call him & "raise hell"...cos he was always fucking w/me & playing games!!! guys like him & tim & maybe even kraig only know that BITCHY side of me cos they brought that out in me. with their constant LIES & always picking fights...yeah i was a fucking bitch to them cos that's all they deserved.... they don't know me like jamie does. sure i can be mean when i'm pms-ing but that's only natural ! :) but he knows the sweet nutring side of me. he treats me with nothing but love & respect. brandon & tim never fucking respected me so it made it hard from me to respect them& they didn't deserve my fucking respect anyway. you get what you give. so once again reading about the past makes me so thankful for my husband & my life NOW! whew...
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i just realized something...i don't HATE kishtra. ( i don't like her either but i don't waste my time dwelling on the past or whatever) but i just had an epiphany! it's THANKS TO HER that i am with Jamie!!! i've been re-typing my old livejournals & putting them back online & all that shit that happened--happened for a reason. sure she deserves to be punched in the face for stalking us,spreading rumors& stealing from jamie but that was 4 years ago & i kinda owe her one....becos w/o her jamie never woulda told me he was in love with me & i never woulda realized that i could love him back as more than a friend...& now we've been together for 4 years & will be together for the rest of our lives!!! YAY!!! so THANKS KISHTRA!!!
old journals entries i just re posted:
I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND (cos i didn't just jump into a relationship w/jamie. i tried to "let him down easy" at first cos i thought i didn't feel the same way!!)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (this is from a few days later after jamie & i got together. we haven't spent one night apart since June 3rd,2005!!!)
SO ME & JAMIE HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY COMING UP!!! WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 LOOOOONG YEARS!!!! :)