S1ND3R3LLA's blog: "SAMI'S THOUGHTS"

September 20, 2008

they say when you love someone they become a part of you and when they leave they take a piece of you with them. what if you love that person with every ounce of your being and they are your whole world, when they leave they take a big chunk of who are.. you feel on whole like your incomplete. I hate to admit as much as it kills me I know its right. but it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. for once I knew love or what I thought was love. I meant something to someone. now I mean nothing to no one. that's what hurts the most having the person you thought you meant the world to no longer care what you are doing or if you're ok. now I get to go through each day wondering if/when I will feel that way or if I really want to again. but its sad and easy to say that I do. to get hopes built up and knocked down all over again sure why not, but not now, not for awhile. I know I'm worth so much more and that I am great. I just need to remember what I have discovered and learned and find out more about Samantha before I can get to know someone else. I need to put my past in my past and realize although I have been hurt and jaded that not all men are bastards I just can't seem find ones that aren't. we learn from our past but our past is a part of us and who we are but its not what we are. so I've learned somethings in the past few months to carry with me on my next endeavour, my next adventure, my next relationship if/when it comes along b/c I am not looking I no longer care about loving someone else just loving me and who I am and want to become. and to the person this pertains to I actually want to thank you for making me realize all this and that I don't deserve you I deserve better someone who when he says he loves me he means it with every single ounce of who is and who will love me through it all and love me til the end like you promise but broke that. I will always love you and you are now a big part of who I am and will become.