I was sitting here the other day, and realized how blissfully happy I was a year ago. I had my little online friends that would do more for me than my RL friends, and it was wonderful. I was so close to everyone. I was DJing for a (what once was) Cherrytap radio station, that was family to me. I enjoyed being in the lounge, I knew everyone that was in there, it was great. DJing was FUN for me back then. Now I seem to just be like "whatever" about the whole thing. I had my Steven... that is another thing I miss terribly, the main thing. I miss him, I miss our conversations, I miss telling him that I love him. It is such a forced conversation between him and I now. His life has been turned upside down, and I can't even ATTEMPT to help him, or tell him that I miss him. Everytime I hear a song he gave me, my heart breaks, breaks little by little, just thinking about what went wrong, what it all could have been if only I maybe stepped up and made it happen. GAH I miss him.... I miss my free willed spirit. It seems as though now, I have a set bed time, I can't be bothered to try anymore. I am leary of everyone now, and I can't seem to find the friends that I miss.... god I miss a year ago.... :(
