HellRaySinAngel's blog: "BLOG"

It's been exactly a week since my miscarriage. I am going through a rough time right now, so I decided to blog about it. Last Tuesday I went to my OB earlier than I wanted to. I called him with the issues I was having and he wanted me in the next day. I got there and I was worried that something was going wrong. I mean he really had to push things around to fit me in. My husband and I went to get the ultrasound done and my OB was silent for a second. I thought this can't be good. He told me there was no heartbeat could be that I wasn't as far along as I thought I was. He wanted me to come in Thursday to see if anything had changed. That night I had started sorry boys bleeding because he also told me there was a clot sitting next to the sac but, didn’t seem too concerned about it. By the time I got home I was cramping really bad. For about 4 hrs I laid on the couch with my husband and it started to get really bad. My husband told me that I needed to go to the hospital. I really didn't want to 1. we can't afford it 2. I really didn't want to be sitting in this kind of pain in the waiting room for hours. I waited a couple more min and I really couldn’t stand the pain. We got to the hospital and they brought me in right away. The dr. said ok well you are probably having a miscarriage and came in hooked me up needing an iv, drew blood, and 2 doses of morphine still wouldn’t take the pain away.  The ER doc then asked me if anyone had told me that I was anemic and I was like NO but, I pretty much knew I was and he asked me if I would allow him to admit me into the hospital. I gave that face of ummm yea no. He asked me then if my OB said it was best to stay in the hospital then would I stay and my husband said yes.  So a couple hrs later I was moved up to the maternity ward scheduled for a ultrasound. I sat there for about 2 hrs worrying about what was going on and hearing babies being born. I say its the worst thing that they bring you up there its like torture. They wake me up I’m moved down for the ultrasound she doesn't tell me anything I wait all day long and the nurse comes in and tells me that I am going to have to have a D&C I had already passed the baby but, was having issues passing other tissue, it was stuck. So I get knocked out for my D&C and wake up way later I guess I had a hard time waking up. Wed. when I got home which was like 5 PM at that time I laid down on the couch and slept all night. Thursday I was asleep all day. Friday my pregnant sister who is 7 almost 8 months along asked me to go to lunch with her. It was so hard. She kept telling me that "God obviously knew that you weren’t ready. At least you know you can conceive." blah blah blah which was being more hurtful than helpful. I found myself jealous of her that she has had 3 pregnancies all have been fine. I don't care how small it was IT WAS STILL MY BABY! I have been pretty OK all weekend but, today I just feel like I have been hit hard and I am all emotional again. It's rough and nobody knows what you are going through unless they have been through it before. My body doesn't want to return back to normal. I’m tired so tired. Highly emotional. I just want my baby back. My follow up appointment is on Nov. 4th so I will then know when it’s ok to try again. Hopefully there will be a safe pregnant Hellz in 3-4 months. I really don’t think I could go through this again. So now I have 2 angel babies. 1 due to an abortion and another due to miscarriage. I pray that this next one will stick. I know this is long and most people wont make it through the whole thing. But I needed to put it all down.

Much Love,
Hellz