Soundwave's blog: "Misadventures in Cyrodiil"

Strutting around in my new fur boots, I spied a constable riding along the road in the pre-dawn twilight. After chatting with him, I decided to see how flame-retardant their armor is. Result: very. He didn't much appreciate being set ablaze, and killed me. Respawning, I tried a sneakier approach to exacting my revenge. Keeping out of sight, I snuck over to some boulders next to the road, waiting for my target. Once he had passed, I leveled my bow at his helmet, and a gratifying TWACK accompanied his tumble from the saddle. The constables have some quality armor, as he survived a direct shot to the back of the head. I ran in for the kill, only to find him angry over the dent in his helmet, and he promptly killed me. Respawning, I decided on the direct approach. My stategy was changed, however, when I accidentally pickpocketed him whilst creeping up to him. With some choice enraged words, he lept from the saddle, ready to spill my blood. Now I may be stubborn, or just obsessive-compulsive, but I'm a quick learner. Gathering all of my courage... I lept up into his saddle and committed Grand Theft Equine. To his credit, he kept chase for quite a ways... but really, who takes on a man on horseback???

Once I escaped from the dungeon and goblin-warrens, I spied some ruins nearby. Camped out within them were a pair of what appeared to be travelers. I went up to say hi (weapon sheathed), but apparently the cat-people say hello with an arrow to the breastplate. Bringing my sword to bear upon her furry countenance, I couldn’t resist the temptation to see if she reacted to being magically set on fire as well. No reaction, but I did defeat her, and proceeded to slay her human cohort. As I was looting the human’s corpse, I accidentally grabbed his pants. Seeing as I already had pants, and his weren’t worth selling, I dropped them next to the body. Now that I could safely return to the cat-woman’s body, I learned that cat-women happen to wear the exact same style of lingerie as 20th-century human women (black, btw). I must note, however, that she was not attractive in the least. Girl with cat-ears and maybe a little tail? Cute. Woman with an oversized lioness-head? Not cute. Her armor wasn’t worth selling, so I casually dropped it on top of her body and walked off to loot their campsite, and went to bed in her sleeping bag.

I've recently started playing the RPG video game Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, in which you are basically free to do whatever you want in the game-world, to include completely ignoring the story & doing your own thing. I'm terribly curious, so my natural reaction to a sandbox as such is to see what extremes I can push the game to... often with unexpected, humorous results. As a kind of social experiment, I'll be recording my progress for you to laugh, cry and raise your eyebrow at. Regardless of whether or not you enjoy reading of my exploits, I love getting feedback. ;) ;)

You start the game in an Imperial dungeon, and in that controlled environment, your style of play is analyzed and an educated guess is made at your Character Class. After: • magically lighting giant rats on fire • hoarding resellable weapons and armor from dead goblins • increasing my alchemical skillz through gorging on raw rat meat • electrocuting assassins with my 'borrowed' goblin-shaman staff • donning the dead assassin's robes because they look cool • collecting bones in hopes of learning necromancy • sneaking around when no one's present • eating goblin-cheese • pickpocketing the king's head bodyguard • hoarding all the food I could find, in case I wanted to whip something up My recommended class? -Bard-. I chose Assassin.