disappeared's blog: "life"

u know im so sick of ppl gettin pissed off when they hear the truth...they expect some lil sugar coated conversation when they fuck someone over...gee i didnt know it was wrong to be pissed off about bein fucked over...but then again when u got a psycho bitch of an ex who will do anything to fuck u over what else do u do but become the biggest meanest asshole u can think of...im sick of this bs and her lil bitch ass...she likes to play fuckin games and then when her life goes down the tube im suppose to be nice to her fuck that...all i can say is im an asshole i know im an asshole and im sick of sugar coating everything u wanna know who i am i can be the nicest guy...but ppl take it for granted so ppl who deserve it ill be my normal nice self but anyone else u can kiss my ass cause im sick of ur bullshit and if u think im a real big dick for this all i can say is....TY!!!!!

its a dark time...u know its funny so many ppl fear darkness...well yea its a vunerable state...u fear when u cant see...u fear what u cant see...but darkness has clouded over me....and i cant say i fear it because the dark times in my heart has always kept me from bein hurt...i grew to love again...the light came through...hahhahahahahaha....but i see dark times again and i remember...i remember the day of no pain...of being able to live life and not give a shit...i liked it...but i like caring also...but fuck the pain its killing me and i hate it...my heart blackens day by day minute by minute...so i have to ask myself...in the dark what do i become...the demon releases and they eyes turn red...hehe the demon takes over...but then my eyes turn pure black...what am i becoming...well its simple...something worse than any demon or deadly enemy of a person...ive become the soul of hatred and pain...ive become everything that bring pain and sorrow...ive become this worlds.......torture

...as i sit in this dark time...i see life how it is now...for once...i thought of someone else...and its too late...i tried so hard...now i sit and watch the world...seein it pass by and think to myself...when in this life do u learn to forgive...forgiveness can be deserved but only if u want it bad enough and prove u deserve it...but what happens when ur time runs out...when u finally do what u need to do but then figure out u ur time has passed...what then?...when u want that one thing and out the window it goes...i look up and see it turn red...the streets go dark...i feel the drops falling...i look from the ground and see the ppl running fleeing...i look around tryin to figure out why ppl r running from the rain...then i realize the drops r a dark deep red...i look up and see myself the blood running down my chest...the smell of sulfer and gun powder...is this my fate...because of the loss...idk ...i sit down and close my eyes...when i open them i look into the mirror and see the pure black soul that has enclosed me...my eyes r pure black..wtf is going on...i close them again and when i open them one last time...there u r in front of me...tears fill my eyes...when i close them...i open them once again...and im here in the streets looking up at the ppl...knowing my worst fear...is here...

lol oh yea theres that big bitch of a word...but there 2 types of karma the good kind where damn u never could think of these things coming to u and u bein so happy...hell i love that kind i think to myself everyday how much i love some of the shit that happens to me...makes me wonder what in the hell i did to deserve it lol...but then theres the bad karma...hell we all fear it cause we know how much of a bitch it can be...and i know i dont fear many things...but bad karma i fear a lot cause i know when it hits its gonna hit with a force...u know i know every day i do things to sin..hell we all do...not a damn person lives life without a sin...hell i sin prolly 8 or 9 times a day...lol....but u cant live life without it its not human...i mean if one person went a whole day without sin u would haveto sit ur ass on a couch and not move for 24 hours...yea seems fun right lol...but hey i know the hell im gonna go through and im wondering when its gonna hit...u know its funny we think of sin as a bad thing but in all reality sin has become part of life...sad but true...do i wish it wasnt cant say i dont cause i love doing some of the things i do...talkin how i want being who i am...but in the end that bitch of a word karma is gonna hit and i know its gonna be the worst time of my life...but hey the worse that wil happen is ill be freed fro mthis life of pain and torture...so is that so bad...hell if i know but i know one thing...he day it hits...and yes i know i been sayin this but i need to emphasize it...its gonna hit hard and i mean HARD!!!!!...anyways im done now lol have a nice day:) btw if u have never seen the movie seven...watch it it will open ur eyes to sin a lot

its a dark time...the life i once knew has come back...feels good not feeling as much anymore...lol its fucking hilarious how weak i had become...but not no more hehe....imonce again that evil mother fucker that could care less and i fucking love it...sure ppl r gonna hate me but oh fuckin well they will get over it....after all im the easier mother fucker to get over...think im lookin for pity? hahhahahahahah u can take ur pity and shove it up ur ass...im back and im loving it so to all u mother fuckers who fucked me over a big FUCK YOU to ya...and to those i hurt...shit happens sorry i did it but get the fuck over it :D

yes its true hate is something in this world thats horribel...but i cant help it i lvoe to hate u hehe i love ppl to hate me...hate gives me life give memy ways to freedom...if ur hated enough eventually no one will care...hahahahahaha its working...soon hate will fill me...and it will be all over...so hate me HATE ME!!!! cause its not like anyone really gives a fuck...sure ppl say they do but hell when they gonna fucking prove it...come on hate conquers a lot...hate is the 1 thing in this world that keeps some ppl going..why? its simple...the need to hate is brought by the same reason to love...u want that something in ur life...u fall in love because of how a person is....u hate because of how a person is and what they have done...so shit...the power i get from hate is much stronger...so hate me al l ufucking want cause i could give a fuck less not like anyone gives a shit :) have a nice day :) :)

what is it about life that makes u stay in this time of pain and torture....ur friends maybe?...family?...well what about when u lose the one u love...hmmmm interesting live in a world for others but not urself...thats a pretty fucked up concept....but what r u gonna do about it...u wanna leave but u think about that person u love and u cant...u try...and try...u watch the blood falling u watch the tears pouring out and yet ur still there...pained...tortured...feeling helples even lifeless yet u have so much life in u ya wish would go away...so isnt love interesting how u can love someone so much but yet ur fucked in the end...

a rage builds inside everyone at one point...whether its because of hatred or love or whatever it may be....what u do with that rage is up to u....i have seen so many ppl drop left and right tho because of it...but the rage i feel inside slowly fades...the angel covers it showing that love can be the freedom...but honestly....can love free the demon wanting to be unleashed...the beast waiting inside...its a fear i will always have...why is this beast here? well its simple pain torture tears anger...it makes up the beast...it gives power to the demon...heh love...i smile and laugh at it cause is it real? shit i dont know...all i know is one thing...this demon wants out he wants away from the small amount of happiness...he wants to take back over and hate again because in this world hate...is what leads a lot of ppls lives...so what to do what to do...let the beast...the demon i have loved and grown to believe out?...or let that angel steal me...turn me into the loving person i once was....

the feeling...its warm like fire inside u...i look up and see the redness the moon looking so evil and understanding...as i watch it the color starts changing turning darker and redder...i look donw and see the shine and feel the cold touch...watching the tough make me fall...seeing the moon as i lay on the ground...remembering what pain i felt every day...what torture i go through...and the thought of knowin something so cold and shiny can release me...release me into a land of freedom and a time of no stress...seein everything pur out i start getting tired i see everything turning red again...the moon turning into a blood red and i realize...that cold touch of the knife...released me to the eternal life of lonliness but whatst he difference alone in the world or alone in eternity either way...im alone...but in eternity i wont care about hurting ppl i wont care....in this world pain is what i fear...in my immortal time i wil have no fear...ty ty to the cold steel that has released me....u have shown me the way to the long lasting immortality that i have wanted....

boy o boy here we go...same shit different day what the fuck to do with thise lonely time of hatred...its sad u try and help ppl but they dont listen or hear u they believe what they want when they want so why try?...well its in human nature...no matter what a person does someone is always tryin to help and the helpers r usually the ones gettin shit on...specially when ppl u care for fall into the grasp of vindicitve ppl...so why help well cause we care but when is caring not enough anymore...when is it a bad thing to help someone heh well when u got someone lying and shit i guess its to much so why give a fuck...? human nature? ha! human nature is so fucking dumb...we fall for the dumbest shit and do the stupidest things...but hey when u have vindicitve ppl in the past...shit the ppl in the present fall right in there fucked up trap...so why fucking care heh...maybe its time to stop...and go back to a world where it was my way ...sure not a lot of ppl liked me then but fuck it im sick of pain and hurtness...anyways fuck it