disappeared's blog: "life"

heh boy o boy its seriously fucked when a possession is more important than a person...when life dont matter cause u cant be the important thing in life...the tears and pain of the one u love not mattering cause of how important the possession is...has the world gottin so bad that a possession has become more important...wow hehe love is suppose to be the highlight of life...love is suppose to be the last peice to the puzzle...ha! love what a bunch of bullshit love aint no happy thing its a fucked up way to make more pain its a fucked up feeling...love rules all what a bunch of bullshit all love does is cuse even the strongest cry...makes even the strongest weak...so why love cause its human nature? shit give me a fucking break fuck human nature fuck society its really fucking sad that love makes ppl sit through torture and pain just because the yr hopin one day finally shit will change but its pretty fucking sad hope is all a lot of ppl have to hang on to...so many ppl cant say they r with somneone jus tcause they love them but because they HOPE shit will change love is just hope and hope is just pain

well its funny...all my life time was never an issue time was just...well time...but now im in a life where there is so little of it and so much to do...yet at the same time....time stops me from having the perfect life...who knew 4 words could be so big knowing that waiting and wondering lasts for so long... so much to do so little time...yet one thing to want and too much time to wait...its trippy to have so little time but so much of it...i hate it the thoughts the wonders...i wish i could speed things up or slow them down but i cant and it hurts knowing yes i have to wait but i dont want it to go so fast...so what to do when this happens i dont know...just sit back i guess but who am i if i do that to someone ...yet who am i to rush someone....whether i wait or push i will see and i hope in the end i dont do the wrong thing and say there aint enough time...or there is too much...cause in the end i want the outcome my way and my way only...anyone who says i wont ever have the perfect life...fuck u all i already have it just need to figure out how to keep it...

ok so its funny everything u think u know u dont... its amazing how life changes when u thought u lost someoen and u didnt but the question is....does love havea chance...will love be there always...heh who knows...my opinion as u know is love aint done shit but brought problems...but maybe my mind can be changed...the things ive done and everything makes me wonder why karma is so good right now...but makes me fear karma in the end will be a bitch already has been once...but i say fuck it lets see what happens...in the end it amazes me but all i can say is 2 words i dont liek saying...but im sorry for everything and one day hope that life will be better...anyways shutting up now :D hehe hope this makes sense cause well i speak but hell i cant make sense of half the shit i say or write lmao

who r ppl to judge me...only one can condem me to my fate and thats me...no one can sit and say my beliefs r wrong they wanan say that i say fuck them...my beliefs my life dont ever say what i can and cant believe...proof what is proof...all lies have some truth and all truth has some lies...so whos to say what is right and wrong...everyone lives in the world of that big S word "society" but fuck society...if u dont live up to there standards ur an outcast...if u dont live to the standards of society u dont deserve to be here....fuck that...i say live ur life yea maybe somethings shouldnt be done but learn from it fix it cause only u can...i havea lot in my past i have to deal with and forgive myself for but no one is gonna sit and tell me wha ti should or shouldnt believe in...so to all those in society who wants to try and make me live like them...fuck u very much but no thanx...after all...no ones perfect in fact its the imperfections of a person that makes them perfect

so im sitting here alone life getting rougher and harder...heh its funny i sit and ask myself whatst he point of everything...and for some damn reason always something shows me there is a point to pain...but is pain the point of life? is pain the ultimate meaning of love?well from what i see everyday the meaning of love is not to be happy not to be needed or wanted...it is a sick lil game the devil himself created for his own amusement...love is the way he gets to this earth...so in all truthness earth is his playground...we r the pawns he plays with...its funny u have the word love and then lucifer both starting with an L...coincidence?...very doubtful...its his way of saying soon very soon we all will be in his path of destruction...

so what is it about...what do some ppl enjoy in life...the sad thing is some ppl enjoy fucking with ppls minds...others enjoy helping ppl...well its all good eventually the true colors of ppl show and ur stuck in a sense of hopelessness and lifeless thoughts that make u understand u cn only live fer urself...no matter how much u even love someone....fuck love fuck life fuck the world cause if this world was so dammn fucking perfect why do we cry...why do we feel pain from ppl who say they care...perfection? ha! more like torture...the world is the hell...when u die ur free...

u know its funny u think u have friends u think u got ppl there fer u and u find out ur wrong...u end up finally caring about something and in the end it was all bullshit...so wh ycare why not say fuck the world...a question until answered and until showed true friends....the only thing i have to say is fuck u!

u know i sit day by day wondering...why did i have to do it...why did that one person come into my life...i hate them...who knew someone u could care about could have such a black place in my heart...the pain the agony is like a dark anthem playin in my head as i walk to her touch her and say in the darkest most feared voice...karma is either a friend or foe...for u it will be ur demise...i start laughing cause i see blood rushing from her body pouring like milk from a carton...then i open my eyes and smile when i see her pic

there they r...waling by as i sit on the side walk head down knees up hood on...lookin like a normal guy...then i raise my head i notice they r all watching me as they walk by...fear in there eyes hopin i dont stand up...i put my head down...and when i lift it again im smiling but one problem...my eyes r black...i start laughing and i stand up...ppl waling by turn white as the ystart runnin and screaming...i see souls flying i see them crying cause of the pain...i grab them and say "dont have the fear of pain what was done is done and cant be reversed ...be hapy while u still can dont be in my world cause i wont make it a good one hahahahahaha"...then i lift my head up from my knees with a smile blue eyes still and i wonder ...is this my fate?

i sit in my lonliest days wondering whats to come...as i sit and watch the ppl walking by i see the smiles and joyful happiness they feel and wonder what its like...but as i stand they look in fear at me for the pain and torture i have endured in life shows on my face like blood pouring...then the angel comes to me and says clean off the blood ur pain is gone and i say it will never be gone...she looks at me and begs me to cease in the torture i put the lonely souls like myself in ...but all i can do is look at her with my bright red eyes my shard pointed teeth and say its to late to stop whats already been done