Nitemusic3's blog: "my rants "

leaving 2016 with mixed emotions part of me relieved it will be over soon.

The other part comming to realise the new year enters as no longer being married.

and I do miss being his wife his life at one time in his life. I dont think I will ever

stop loving him. in time maybe it will get easier. to live life without him.

as I light a smoke and that old tuff new york exterior starts to come out more and more. 2016 was not kind battles with respitory infections endless rounds of antibiotics

and a huge battle with peaumonia. depression battles and last multiple fractures. and landing in the hospital not just beacause I was not steady to be home alone later upon being settled in my hospital room my vitals became jacked and was a concern through the night for the nursing staff eljohn my nurse was kind as i gave him the short version of 2016 after that he was even more atentive in tears fighting pain he was so nice as i requested morphine pain so unbearable I had kept the pain level to myslef b/c my BFF was very worried when everyone left i broke down in tears told eljohn i need the morphine now he ran to go get it after he checked my vitals again he said hunny  its jacked ill be back hepburn lock on my hand he injected it as he checked vitals again he noted it came down he said then the nigth nurse will be updated to watch my vitals the next day they were back down and eventualy dscharged .

2017 is at the door now and im afraid at times What will happen part of me wishes there was some one special comming to my life and yet i fear it at the same time trying to get the hold on my heart james has had for sometime.

Yet I do know the reality is im 51 i am far from being a barbie and im far from a raving beauty...  and health issues no one wants damaged goods.

I have become some what cynical about it all deep down I hope someday i  will be the choice and not an option but i know the odds for that are low.

so 2016 leave and 2017 I pray you are much kinder to me ...