Wild Fire's blog: "Late Night Thoughts"

Just some more random thoughts I had wrote a while back...still holds true. Guess I really haven't changed that much. (Psst) This is the getting to know me better without having to ask questions part... (HAH) (Copy and paste section here) I hate to fight, argue or anything that remotely causes friction. I refuse to do things half ass and really strive to put my heart into everything that I do whether it be work, relationships, or whatever. If something really means something to me or someone I care about, I want it done well...and well over any expectations or requirements made. I can't see how people let themselves sit back and just let things go....laziness or whatever have you. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are times I get on my "lazy" kicks...we're all guilty of it in some way, shape or form. Seriously though, on most matters of importance if you don't put your heart into it, then what is it really worth to you. What's really bad is that I know I've got a tremendous sized heart...and it really gets me into trouble. People tell me that I give to much, fall too heard or whatever. But that's all I know. I give one hundred percent before thinking about myself, I love with everything I have in me... Life's too short not to. I don't know if I'm going to be alive tomorrow or even ten minutes from now. That's nothing that's in my control. I would hope that I live to see tomorrow and many years to come....I still have quite a bit I'd love to do in life....but that's not any of my control. I do my best to live each day the fullest I possibly can and make the most out of what I have. I don't understand the people that just can't bare not to have drama in their life. I don't understand how someone can truly feed off of that. Something really stuck into my head at one point in time when an exgirlfriend of mine told me that I "wasn't fun to fight with." How in the Hell is fighting fun? I'm sorry I don't see it in any form or fashion fun. I really don't see a point in it. It's going to happen because we are human and have our own little quirks...but fighting being fun???? Ya I really don't see how that is possible. I mean, I've had the whole "take your anger out on me" sexual outtake before...that was nice and all because it got really interesting...but I mean come on....if you can't perform that way without being angry, what is really your true capabilities and strengths. That whole "because the sex is so much better when you're mad at me" thing....ya well, whatever. How the Hell did I get on the subject of sex??? O- go figure it's on Enigma's Erotic dreams.... Haha. But seriously, don't these people know that the best "love making" if you will is whenever you really get to know the partner you're with...you find out what makes them tick...pay attention to where their buttons are....look in their eyes when you make love...HELLO...the eyes are the opening to the soul! You can see soooo much in someone's eyes...which brings me into another topic... Looking into someone's eyes. You know You can really tell alot about a person with the way they look at you. You can even go to the extent of whether they are a good person or not. There's alot of truth, honesty and purity that pours out of them. That's honestly why when I look at someone...their eyes are the first thing I pay attention to. You can tell so much... And then....after enough time, if there's a deep enough connection it can either bring the two of you together or help the other person to feel what you are. Am I making sense??

Just reiterating...I wrote this a while back (obviously not on CT) but when I started typing the thoughts in my head tonight, it seemed like a bit of deja vue. So, being the one who hasn't slept much the past couple of weeks, I opted the easier route: copy and paste.... I've come to the conclusion that the little thing called Tact isn't part of the majority of general society! Thoughtless comments are a little out of control at times, you know? Approach is key because it's probably the one thing that's going to determine how another person views you. Grant it, some things may change over time…but really now. This is something I've been thinking about for quite some time, and honestly throughout the day… It's almost ridiculous how selfish and judgmental some are. You have people that give one hundred percent of their all as often as humanly possible followed up by people who do nothing but rip those others apart. You confide in others out of trust, and so many times that bites you in the ass. People you think are friends, turn your life around in a joke to whomever they please not caring how it effects the person at hand. Life's too short not to enjoy the short time we have, let alone be so closed minded to the surroundings in the world around you. Different people have gone through varieties of obstacles throughout life, regardless of their age, which is something we should all be mindful to, but that's truly a rarity. Wisdom doesn't come with age…many of times age clearly surpasses any remote chance to gain knowledge…and then some plainly do not have any common sense whatsoever. Some things we'll never truly understand, but given that…maybe some things just aren't meant to be understood or figured out. Nevertheless, I honestly think some people have just lost the power to love straight from the heart and the soul to reach out to other people… You should be able to just have fun in life, regardless of the situation… Life's too short to waste day in and day out shutting off so many new adventures…people…places…and memories to be made for that matter. I'm not trying to change the world by any means, but as Terri Clark says, "I think the world needs a drink." There are so many things I'd love to do with my life before I die. But I'm surely not going to sit around dreaming about it because nothing will ever be accomplished that way. Along the way, however, I'd hope that I find someone to share the discoveries, adventures, laughter, sorrow, and love with that truly appreciates life for what it is. What I'm really looking for is someone who loves to have fun, isn't scared to take chances, and gets a kick from experiences new things, places, and has just a strong urge for life itself. I'm not worried about "settling down" or any of that mess, that will happen when the right person comes along who is strong enough to take me for all that I am. My life is being straightened out little by little from the heartaches, injuries, and drawbacks casts upon me….and I will fight to keep it that way. I don't like talking about things that are bothering me because all it will sound like is a constant bitch because "shit happens" daily to everyone. So, mainly I bottle things up inside with me, deal with it on my own, and then maybe talk about it later. To the pessimists: have you ever thought that the reason you're always depressed is because you're continually thinking of the things depressing you? Get over it, work through it, and move on. We all suffer a little heartache, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Back to what I was saying: I'd love to be scared out of my natural born mind because of how someone makes me feel, but have nothing but the yearn for more. You know? Love is one of the hardest, but one of the best things on Earth. Anyways, yes, that's my little splurge into the pool of thoughts for today… back to listening to the neighbor's bed above me knock on the wall. Ha, guess it's better than listening to them running around screaming like they have an indoor's basketball game… Haha…. (Exit copy and paste section here...) And just to clarify this before any confusion gets made from reading the above, I'm not so much "looking" at this moment in time...but you get the point. K, that will be all for now. Thanks for stopping by. Please drive thru....ha

I cannot seem to get my thoughts together today. Would say it’s the typical Monday, but usually whenever Monday rolls around it doesn’t seem too terribly bad. I’m usually looking for the optimistic views of everything, but today I just couldn’t see it. I tried, don’t get me wrong, but today went a little something like this: Woke after somewhat of a restless night dragging my tail getting ready. Got to work and was slammed the minute I walked in with more things piling up. Basically found out that I was going to have to pull five hundred dollars out of my rear for different things…one of them being my truck’s windshield. For those of you who know me, you know I can’t stand to have something stay wrong with my truck. Thank God for good credit and loving adopted bank family! That’s all I have to say about that! Personally I felt like crap…seemed really weak and tired throughout the day. I slammed my hand in a ladder that collapses into itself. So when the ladder fell, it crushed the top and bottom middle of my hand, which is now a bit swollen. Seriously need to get back into the chiropractor and am due for another dentist appointment as well. Then on top of it all I’m missing one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and really have absolutely no way to tell her what‘s on my mind for the first time in about a month. I seriously haven’t felt similar to this in years, but the way it feels is something really unique. Well, today it hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. Something sparked one hell of a fire with me…seriously. All I can think about is her…she’s always on my mind…, can’t listen to the radio because every single song reminds me of her and makes me miss her more…everywhere I go, it’s like there’s traces of her or something that stimulates my mind to think of her…, she’s everywhere. I miss her laughter, her voice, her smiles, her sincerity, hell even the smartass little comments jokingly throughout each conversation. I’m not complaining, because believe you me…it’s one rush of a feeling. I mean, I knew good and well that I had feelings for her because she’s a beautiful woman both inside and out. Every time we talk it’s like we draw a little closer to each other. But good gosh to the extent that I feel like I’m longing for the next time we talk. I kind of feel like I’m a crazy fool or something rambling on like this. But Wow… All I’m saying is that it really makes you appreciate someone being in your life a bit more when all this hits you like it’s hit me. Oh and on top of this all, I'm all nervous because my little sister could go into labor any time now. So, I'm anxiously awaiting that phone call as well! Anyways, I’m going to go toss and turn a but more hoping that I fall asleep soon. My mind kept going in circles so I had to get this off my chest. Maybe it will help, Hah! Hugs and all that good shit to you all!

Would You Like to Dance? Kristina R. Manuel April 15, 2007 The music is soft and slow- Through the smoky air Appears a heavenly glow As I wonder, "What could be there?" Gravity pulls me Towards the most beautiful vision I have ever seen- My heart races into another division- "Could this be a dream?"- You spot me from across the room- Thunder and lightening Fill my veins and chest with a sudden boom- Our eyes connect- Every time you smile I'm smiling right back- I take your hand As I ask you to dance- Without a second glance You follow me in a lovestruck trance- You have touched me with your gentle hand And broke my nerves of steel- Sparks fly as we collide Our bodies burn as we smoothly glide Dancing on the edge Through a passion of burning desire- With every touch the flames grow higher- The world around us disappears As I pull your body close to mine- Tender kisses, so sincere... As you whisper gently in my ear, "Would you like to dance?"

...out in the starlighttttt "'til I get to my truckkkkkkkkkk....."(End singing here) For the second time within a few weeks period, I'm up at a client's quite late at night. Went home to cook supper and brought it up to one of the technicians. Since we're attempting to have patience while waiting for the main server to come back up, I figured I'd jot a few random thoughts that are fluttering through my mind. I'm really starting to cringe at the whole "love" terminology. Seriously, do you realize how many people just throw it around? I mean, if the person truly means what they are saying deep down then this is fine, but it's quite irritating because the majority of society truly doesn't understand what love is. To me, love is both simple and complex. It's unexplainable, uncontrollable, and unconditional. And if you haven't read anything regarding my profile itself, let's recap a little: "Love is like a mountain. It's hard to climb, but once you get to the top the view is beautiful! I mean, it's got it's ups and downs, but it's also like a river in the sense that true love will cut a path no matter any obstacle. We struggle finding ourselves "looking" for that right someone. The problem is that when you "look," you never really find what's good for you. You wonder what in the world is in store for you in the future and how long it will take to get there. You find yourself putting your heart into something, no matter if it's a job or love for that matter, and it does not give back. It hurts at first but then you become stronger and work past it. Then there are those people, no matter what the relationship is to you, that just capture you from the start. They capture you, love you, and respect you...bring out the best in you. Sometimes you really don't realize it until the point where it's about to late. Then your stupid ass gets lost in the struggle of trying to prove to them that you do care when your problem in the beginning was struggling to find something you couldn't see in front of your face. But instead you were too busy believing things that weren't genuine because someone/something was trying to "woo" you until they felt they had you, then they show you the true side. People that try to "win" people over really piss me the fuck off. I just want you to know that. Just be yourself...seriously. If you can't be yourself then what the HELL is the point? I mean really. Too many people seriously let greed, jealousy and lust get in the way of way too many things. Blunt and to the point...there you have it! LOL" In other news: This whole "single life" is a little bit annoying. For the most part I'm fine with it. On the other hand, it seems like I find myself working late more than just an occasion whether I'm at home or work, get into more mischief...for better lack of words, not able to sleep, and really just feel like there is a piece of me that's empty. It's a little humorous in a way, because when I'm in a relationship it's the complete opposite. When I'm in a relationship, I can't wait until the time rolls around where I can leave work...if I don't leave early to surprise...run home into the arms of someone I truly do care about...spoil them, and do anything in my power just to make them happy, within reason of course. This being said, for who ever is reading this madness, we'll go ahead and touch basis on "why I'm single," since that's the topic that's seemed to come up so very much within the last few weeks. Personally, I'm single because of the fact that nothing has "clicked" to stay. Also with this, if it has clicked then it is just not something that's completely connected yet. If you actually knew anything about my past, you'd possibly understand why I'm not in so much of a rush to be in one. Trust levels with me have to be acquired and earned, because there is a tremendous wall to overcome due to cautiousness. There's one person in particular that I've spent quite a bit of time getting to know, explaining various parts about what makes me me...why I tick the way I do...and the like. That one person I'm starting to slowly grow a bit fond of...which is quite different and nice from anything that's happened in a few years, actually. Who knows what will come of it, but regardless of anything else, I'm sure there will be one hell of a friendship. So, for those of you playing the "chase" game....why don't you slow down and get to know someone before over powering them...may help you out in the long run. I think that's enough rambling for this moment in time...going back to work now....