Ya know...
Sometimes you suddenly realize how much of a different person you are.. or how different you are living your life compared to a year before.
A few months ago I lived in a depression that was slowly eating me and in my mind.. if i was cutting an apple and the knife slipped and cut my wrist.. i probably would have let myself bleed out..
Now... i would probably fight to stay alive.
This is probably the first time in a few years that I WANT to live...
A year ago... I fought to speak to the ONE person that I considered MY friend.. not my husband and I or even just my husband's friend...
Now? every week I am with MY friends...
I actually HAVE them.. and they don't like me because of my husband.. they like me for me...
the one person who I was friends with before these... I love her.. a lot.. she is (was) like a sister to me.. but she..... i don't want to say abandoned, but.. its close..... she decided that rather than doing what I have done for her in the past.. and dropping something when she needed me... she wanted to be with her friends in her city instead...
It was like a slap to the face...but then I evaluated who I can count on.. and realized.. it wasn't her anymore... it was the people HERE... the people that I have been friends with for less than 8 months... some of them way less... THEY are the ones that dropped everything to come running when I needed them... not the girl I have known for seven years..
I am GRATEFUL for these girls that have become part of my life recently. All because of a switch in a job..
I still have issues... I probably always will but... now I have hope that I will survive... All because of the few girls that I have met at work...
They have brought me out of my shell... I am now shopping.. and going to coffee... and I even walked into a bar that WASN'T the one that I worked at.. (first time in about 3 years THAT has happened)
I still despise the way I look.. but I can see a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.. maybe since these girls are giving me my confidence back... even the small bit they are doing... Maybe... JUST MAYBE.. I will get to where THAT doesn't matter so much anymore either...
They don't realize how much they have helped me. I don't know if I could ever express it to them either...
