BAD GIRL RETURNS's blog: "just wishing"

just wishing the pain would leave and i could feel better.. just wishing that things turn out and that im ok. Just wishing that i wasnt so scared of the out come. Just wishing that i could wake up and it was only a dream. Just wishing for a day where i could eat or a night when i could sleep. Just wishing that it was all over and done with. Just wishing i wasnt alone and feeling so lonely. Lifes kinda odd like that..One day you wake up and all your dreams and goals are put on hold and your life is in the hands of strangers who dont even know you..All you are to them is money in their pockets.Life is now seen a different way and you begin to wonder have I hurt anyone i need to say im sorry to..Or how about your family have you told them that you love them? Have you taken time to pray? have you told your friends you love them? have you took time to remember what God has already gave to you? well ive taken time remembering, ive held my family like never before, i pray daily,im thankful for all ive got, but one thing left telling you, my friends, i love you. Now is the time to recover and take whatever it is that God has in store for me next. I go to the doctor monday may 7th with everything said I feel and im scared but yet I know the angels are by my side and im ready...

SOMETIMES I THINK IM LOOSING MY MIND. I FEEL THE WALLS CIRCLE AROUND ME AND I FEEL TRAPPED. NO WAY TO ESCAPE. I WANT TO RUN BUT JUST KEEP GOING AROUND CIRCLES THAT SEEM ENDLESS. I FALL DOWN FROM EXHAUSTION LOOKING UP WONDERING WHY THE DAY HAS TURNNED TO NIGHT SO QUICKLY AND WHY THE SUNSHINE IN MY LIFE IS NOW REPLACED WITH SUCH BITTER COLD. I AM ALONE. I FEEL FORSAKEN. I TRY TO GET UP BUT ONLY TO FALL ONCE MORE. REACHING OUT FOR A HAND TO HELP ME TO MY FEET BUT TO FIND IT REPLACED BY HANDS SHOVING ME DOWN, AND THE FACES ALL LAUGHING. MY DOOR OPENS, SUDDENLY YOU APPEAR INTO THIS DARKNESS BRINGING ME LIGHT, HOLDING MY HAND HELPING ME TO WALK THE PATH INTO RECOVERY FROM THE TORMENTED LIFE I WAS LIVING. A SMILE CROSSES YOUR FACE AS YOU SILENTLY SAY YOU LOVE ME. THE CIRCLE IS NOW REPLACED BY A PATH FULL OF LOVE AND BEAUTY. IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED. I HAVE YOU. NEVER TO LET GO. SURROUNDED BY THE LOVE THAT ONLY YOU BRING.PLEASING YOU AND THANKING YOU DAILY FOR THE LOVE THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN. I WILL SERVE YOU. MY HAPPINESS AND REWARDS BY GIVING YOU YOUR DESIRES AND PLEASING YOU. YES, I AM TRULY BLESSED TO FIND A LOVE SO TRUE.............

I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, AS THE STARS SHINE BRIGHT I SAY A SILENT PRAYER AS I TURN OUT THE LIGHT LORD, I KNOW YOU'RE A BUSY MAN, MY NEEDS ARE VERY FEW SO AS I SAY THIS PRAYER THESE THINGS I ASK OF YOU: YOU KNOW I WANT A MAN, ONE WHOM I CAN LOVE SO MUCH A KIND AND LOVING MAN,ONE GENTLE WITH HIS TOUCH WILL YOU PUT MY MIND AT EASE AND FILL ONES HEART WITH LOVE? WILL YOU GUIDE ONE TO ME,AND BLESS IT FROM ABOVE? WILL YOU GRANT US A LIFE OF FREEDOM, AND LET OUR LIVES ENTWINE? AND KEEP US TOGETHER, LOVING THROUGH-OUT ALL TIME? AND LORD ONE MORE THING AS I FINISH MY PRAYER THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, AND SHOWING THAT YOU CARE... AMEN............

A WARM COMFY BEDREAMS OF SOME OTHER PLACE WHEN SUDDENLY AWAKENED BY A LICK IN THE FACE. I PULLED BACK THE COVERS TO SEE WHATS THE MATTER C'MON SHE BARKS I HAVE A FULL BLADDER COAT, HAT, AND GLOVES OUTSIDE WE GO BURIED TO HER EARS AS SHE RUNS THROUGH THE SNOW. ITS COLD OUT HERE, LETS GO I SAY BUT ITS SO MUCH FUN CAN WE PLEASE STAY AND PLAY? THERES TREATS INSIDE YOU WONT GET IF YOU'RE NAUGHTY BUT WE CANT GO YET- IVE GOT TO POTTY YOU CANT HELP BUT TO SMILE, SHE BRINGS SUCH DELIGHT AS SHE JUMPS THROUGH THE AIR LIKE A REINDEER IN FLIGHT TO KEEP UP WITH HER YOU BETTER RUN QUICK CAUSE IF NOT SHE'LL BE GONE, SHES MIGHTY SLICK DAMN PUPPY..........

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE IM IN LOVE, BUT NOT WITH YOU... WHEN WE BROKE UP YOU THOUGHT ID CRY. ALL IT WAS, WAS ANOTHER GUY. YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS I WAS A TRICK. I TOLD MINE,YOU HAD NO DICK I SAID I LOVED YOU, YOU THOUGHT IT WAS TRUE? WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH, YOU GOT PLAYED TO! HA HA HA HA

WILL YOU TAKE MY HAND AS I GIVE YOU MY HEAR? WILL YOU STAND BY MY SIDE AND NEVER PART? CAN WE FORGET THE YESTERDAYS AND LIVE FOR THE TOMORROWS CAN WE ENJOY LIFE FORGETTING THE SORROWS? WILL YOU BE MY PILOT AND I YOUR CREW? LOVING ONLY ME AS I LOVE ONLY YOU? WILL YOU NEVER BE ABOVE ME AND STAND BY MY SIDE? IF I SLIP AND FALL WILL YOU BE MY GUIDE? CAN YOU BE MY LOVER AND MY BEST FRIEND? WILL YOU STAY WITH ME DARLIUNG UNTILL THE END...I I DONT ASK FOR RICHES, DIAMONDS OR GOLD I JUST WANT YOU THERE AS WE BOTH GROW OLD. I WILL DO MY BEST AT ALL I MAY DO AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY AND LOVING ME TOO. THIS IS MY STORY, NOW WILL YOU BE MINE? WILL YOU BE WITH ME DARLIN THROUGHOUT ALL TIME? NO REASON JUST WANTED TO WRITE ONE........

SWEET AND GENTLE, KIND AND WARM IS MY MOTHERS LOVE, SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, MY MARRIAGE, AND SUCH MOM BLESSED IT ALL WITH HER LOVING TOUCH YEARS FLEW BY, I MET A MAN MAKING MISTAKES, MOM STILL UNDERSTANDS THROUGH DIVORCE, HEARTACHES, SORROW AND TEARS THIS LOVING WOMAN STOOD BY ME ALL THOSE YEARS SO TO YOU DEAR MOTHER, I WILL TAKE A STAND AT BEING THE BEST THAT I POSSDIBLY CAN ILL MAKE YOU PROUD, JUST WAIT, YOULL SEE THATS MY GIFT TO YOU MOTHER, LOVE ME....... WROTE THIS TO MY MOTHER DEC 2002. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!

WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE I TRY TO DISQUISE MY FEARS. I LIVE A LIFE OF TORMENT TILL ALL MY LOVE DISAPPEARS I HAVE NO REGRETS OR SHOW NO REMORSE BECAUSE WITH NO LOVE MY LIFE LOOSES COURSE. WITH YOU IN MY LIFE MY LOVE WILL ADVANCE HOLDING AND LOVING YOU IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. WITH YOU ALL IS POSSIBLE AND I AM AT PEACE ONCE HOLDING EMOTIONS THAT I NOW CAN RELEASE WITH YOU BESIDE ME NO OTHER CAN COMPARE GIVING TO YOU, ALL MY LOVE TO SHARE. WANTING YOU, LOVING YOU, BEING FOREVER TRUE THAT IS THE LOVE,I HAVE, ONLY FOR YOU.... WRITTEN BY ME DEC 30, 2006

MIXED EMOTIONS, DECEIPT,HOPELESS DESPAIR. SITTING ALONE IN THIS WORLD, NOBODY CARES. CRYING ALONE IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT. SCARED TO BE ALONE, TO TIRED TO FIGHT. ALWAYS A LONER. NEVER GIVEN THE CHANCE. TO SCARED TO TRY, TO EMBARASSED TO ADVANCE. HE GAVE ME THAT LIFE WITH THE CRUEL THINS HE SAID LEAVING ME HEARTACHES, I WISH I WERE DEAD. I WISH YOUD COME IN MY LIFE AND MAKE MY LIFE CHANGE AND IF GIVEN THE CHANCE, MY LIFE, ILL REARRANGE I AM NEVER HAPPY AND I ALWAYS FEEL BLUE COME INTO MY LIFE, TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE TO.... WRITTEN BY ME TO SOMEONE I HOLD DEAR TO MY HEART