Ok so I sat down today I thought What do I want in my life. What is missing . I had a wonderful childhood. My marriage didn’t fair to well But I have 3 wonderful children that I am very proud of Yes it was/is hard being the mother father figure but we have to do things that are hard in out lives and when you look back and view the outcome and it’s a pretty good site you realize that all the hardship and heart ache was well with it. In a material sense my children and I want for nothing. I have a great job that I love, and a family I would not trade the world for. SO what am I missing?
What I am missing and I think I always have is to MATTER to someone What does that mean well the definition for the word matter in this sense is (count: have weight; have importance , carry weight.) And in a way that sort of explains it. What I want goes deeper then that. I want to Matter to where I for once am the major thought, care, want, in someone’s life. I want to be in their every thought . I want them to see me in every aspect of their daily life. I want them to say wow I wonder what she is doing right now , what is she thinking , feeling is she ok. I want to be the most important thought they have always. Bottom line is, I want to MATTER . I know it sound selfish with all the I wants but I have been the one who makes EVERYONE ELSE MATTER for so long for so many people that I want to be selfish. I need to be selfish. Bad of me? Yes. Makes me a bad person ? NO.. Just someone who has felt so empty for so long that its echoes through my whole body.
A little heads up I don’t ever (online or off) ever ask for much I get by with anything no matter how small to me it’s the world. But know if you are involved with someone the most important thing you can give that person is to make them feel like they MATTER If its in real life just brush their arm with a gentle touch whisper an I love you across their lips. Hold their hand. Pick them a dandelion. Something that doesn’t cost anything but something money cant buy. If its online. Make them the first don’t get online and wait to say hi or don’t even bother. Sign on and say hi even if you know they might not be there that little off line or hi will mean the world to them its what they crave. Make them MATTER make them know that they mean the world to you.
I know this was long and I thank you for reading it I am just feeling empty, hallow, and cold. Yes cared for but it’s a very lonely place I am at right now.
