HorrorDoll's blog: "Writings By Jolie Noggle"

the introduction: Hello. i am jolie the drama. i had a very interesting summer. & now that it is fall i really wanna write about it. becos so much has changed in my life. so much that within 3 months i went from being depressed & lonely to happy & engaged!! i'm getting married in about a month! i am gonna marry my best friend Jamie. which is totally insane becos we weren't even speaking at the beginning of the year. & that is what this zine is about.... back in march i did a mini zine called Just Like A Gemini. i wrote a little about jamie but i didn't go into detail about it cos it was still a fresh wound. i wrote that zine at a time that was ONE of the worst times in my life. (not THE very worst but definitely close to being the worst.) & now i am the happiest i've ever been! so i felt the need to do a sequel to Just Like A Gemini which started out as another mini. but once i started writing i couldn't stop! so i decided to do it as a half sized zine instead of fourth sized. it is also an important zine cos it deals with being in a menatlly abusive relationship. me & jamie both know what that is like & we were lucky to escape with our sanity!!! the first issue was about alotta different stuff & i reprinted some things from an old zine. i had just started going to therapy so i also touched on that. & that week the subject of Jamie came up in my therapy session & i realized how much i missed him. & my therapist put all these ideas in my head about Jamie being possesive & jealous & manipulative in our friendship & i started to kinda blame him for the whole situation. (& i kinda do that in that zine.) but now i know it was all becos of the psycho girl he was dating at the time. ( whom i will refer to as MEDUSA.) basically she was jealous of me & my friendship with jamie so we stopped speaking becos of it.... BUT LET ME START FROM THE BEGINNING.... THE BEGINNING Once upon a time Jolie & Jamie were best friends & then an evil sociopath came along & tried to destroy it.....me & jamie became friends in january 2002. he was friends with my brother joseph first, but i started hanging out with him & his band. (The Street Freaks.) & i could tell that he kinda liked me. he had been in a four year relationship with a girl named Amy. but he wanted out...Amy hated me & even told me that she was jealous that me & jamie were friends. jamie also told me that she thought we were sleeping together. she ended up cheating on him cos she really thought that he was cheating with me. i wasn't even attracted to Jamie back then! & sometimes i thought he hung out with me just to make her mad. they broke up. I was afraid that Jamie would try to hook up with me & i didn't want to hurt his feelings. cos he started to hint about going out with me & Joseph told me that he liked me...so when he got with Judith i was so relieved! around this time my other brother Joaquin told me that his friend MEDUSA had a crush on jamie. she'd be at our house when me & jamie were hanging out & annoy the fuck outta us. i have NEVER EVER liked that girl! neither did jamie but we joked about jamie sleeping with her cos joaquin said that she was slutty. anyway--> Judith was a foreign exchange student from Germany. she had to go back for awhile but then she came back here to visit that winter & spent the holidays with Jamie. then she returned to Germany in december of 2002 & wasn't gonna come back to the U.S. until the following summer. so jamie spent ALOTTA time on the phone with her. i had a few boyfriends here & there...all of which jamie HATED & let it be known. cos he was admittingly jealous of them cos he was still nursing a crush on me. which i suspected but wasn't sure. i was hoping that i was imagining it. so me & jamie spent alotta time together--hanging out & going to to shows. & we became very close. cos we could always talk about everything. & we constantly made each other laugh & kept each other entertained! there were a few misunderstandings & there were a few times he hurt my feelings so i wouldn't come around for awhile. so that was something that we would NOT talk about & may have caused some problems. & i avoided ANY kinda confrontation with him. i would also aviod the topic of us being more than friends. cos i didn't want that.... i know he got lonely when Judith wasn't around. but he had ME to hang out with...& sometimes it was like WE were dating! cos we would go out to eat & go to shows & other shit that you do with a girl/boyfriend. there was just no sex. & that was probably the only thing missing! that was the fine line between "friendship" & "relationship"...but we never crossed that line. (Jamie tried several times! but i kept pushing him back over the line & telling him to get off of my side!) & that was something that i would avoid for years. i was never even affectionate with him. i'd hug my friend Len all the time. but it was different with Jamie cos i knew he had had feelings for me.& i wasn't even sure if they ever went away. so i was afraid to touch him or to even get physically "too close" to him. i only hugged him TWICE in 3 years of friendship. once when i went to an emo show by myself & him & kyle came & rescued me & i was so happy to see them i hugged both of them! then when i went to his house in june 2003 to see if we could hang out on my birthday. & he told me that judith was coming back that day so he couldn't. & i could tell that he felt bad about it & when i left he gave me a hug & wished me a "happy birthday." i was very surprised but it made me feel better! then for my birthday he bought me a case of beer & delivered it to me!! Judith came back & i made myself scarce cos i knew they'd need time to be alone together cos they hadn't seen each other for 6 months!!! i dunno how in the hell he even did it!--i could never handle a long distance relationship like that! BUT HE HAD HIS HEART SET ON IT. That summer they decided to get married so Judith could stay in the country. i started hanging out with matt a lot & staying at his house all the time cos jamie wasn't around very much. i missed him but tried to be understanding--he was a married man!! he still hung out with all of his friends...he just always wanted to go home early & not spend the night away from his wife. which is totally understandable! TIME WENT ON....2003 TURNED INTO 2004.... I was getting over a broken heart named BRANDON. & no matter what jamie was ALWAYS there to pick up the pieces. he was always there for me when i needed him. that always meant so much to me & that is why i considered him to be my best friend. In March 2004 i did the dumbest thing i have ever done--i got back together with my first love Tim. he was seperated from his wife & said he was getting a divorce. but ended up going back to his wife & leaving her for me TWICE. (he was INSANE! he also filed for divorce twice within 2 or 3 months cos he couldn't make up his mind.) i found out from TIM that Jamie & Judith were getting a divorce cos Judith wanted to go back to Germany. & i knew absolutely nothing about it! jamie didn't even tell me...i was a little hurt about that. but i figured that it was none of my business & if he wanted to tell me about it or talk about it he would....so i never brought it up. & Jamie had tried to stay of my business with Tim & he kept his mouth shut about it. but he was still there for me & listened when i bitched about it & even talked to me for 2 hours on the phone one night when i called him from Tim's house & was upset cos we broke up that night. he was a very good friend. the last time that me & tim got back together he had been hanging out at jamie's house & jamie told him to stay away from me & not to go over to my house. (so that is exactly what tim did!) at the time it kinda pissed me off! cos i thought: "Why doesn't jamie want me to be with Tim? does he still like me or something? what's his problem?! why is he so jealous of everyone i go out with? why doesn't he want me to be happy??" when in reality i'd never be happy with Tim & jamie knew that.(before i did) he was just looking out for me & trying to protect me. he just didn't want me to get hurt AGAIN. but i didn't see it that way at the time. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS SICK OF STANDING BY & WATCHING ME GET HURT OVER & OVER AGAIN BY FUCKING ASSHOLES. it probably really hurt him that i wouldn't give him a chance when he knew that he'd be good to me....but i knew it too & that's exactly what i was afraid of...as fucked up as it is. I WAS AFRAID to be happy. & i saw how good he was to his girlfriends & felt like i wouldn't deserve to be treated that way by anyone. so i didn't even think about it. plus i knew how disasterous my relationships were & knew i NEEDED jamie in my life & would never wanna loose him that way. it was stuck in my mind that no one could ever love me & i could never get along with anyone & have a good relationship...why would i subject anyone to that let alone my best friend. me & tim broke up for good on my 26th birthday. jamie showed up at my door with a rose as a gift. i thought it was very sweet & he had done it just to cheer me up. i never thought of it in a "romantic" way. it made me cry tho cos it made me realize how much he cared about me. & i knew as soon as judith was gone i would be uncomfortable with him & there would be all this tension cos he might try to hook up with me again. & he did start hinting around about it but i ignored it. i'd always changed the subject. i started seeing Brandon again to get over Tim. trying to start something with jamie would've been a very bad idea. it would've been extrememly bad timing too. cos i was getting over Tim & there was no way he was over Judith. he was still wearing his wedding ring & talking to her on the phone every night. he was very lonely. he even joined lotsa different websites like AdultFriendFinder & Myspace--supposedlly just to get laid! cos at that point he had only had 2 relationships in his whole life & didn't wanna just jump right into another relationship....but that's exactly what he did. cos he could not just have sex with someone & not develop some kinda feelings for them. (even if they're just pseudo feelings.) THIS IS WHERE MEDUSA COMES IN..... THE BACKSTORY looking back i think that jamie HAD to go thru this thing with Medusa. just like i had to go thru all the fuct up shit that i went thru with boys. i really do believe that everything happens for a reason. this was definitely a learning experience for jamie (& i have had plenty of LIFE LESSONS myself!) i'm sure he finally knows what it's like to date a pyscho that totally fucks you up. he now knows exactly what it was like for me when i was with tim. now we have another thing in comon...we've both been in relationships with mentally ill & unstable people that make you think you are crazy .... jamie is way too nice & can be so naive when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt. it's like he refuses to believe that there are evil people out there that like to fuck you over. i really think that he learned his lesson!! One day Medusa left a note in Jamie's mailbox. he brought it right over to my house & showed it to me. asking me what he should do....Joaquin told Medusa that Judith went back to Germany & that Jamie wanted to hook up & have sex with someone. (ANYONE!) & he said he'd do her cos joaquin said that she was a slut. & i totally encouraged him. so did joaquin. we never thought that he'd be fooled into thinking that he liked her! i didn't think he was that desperate! from the very begininng he had nothing but DOUBTS. & he was afraid to get involved with her cos she lived right across the street with her mom & if things went sour she was always right there... i kept my mouth shut even tho he'd ask for my opinion & advice. but i did warn him about what a liar she was & that she was a "female tim". meanwhile, Medusa's mom felt the need to warn her about ME. she told her to watch out becos jamie might fuck me. i had absolutley NO desire to fuck Jamie back then! & if i wanted to fuck Jamie i woulda done it a long time ago cos he always wanted me...but he was my friend! & i don't fucking fuck my fucking friends!!! he acted like he still wanted to give it another shot & try to hook up with me. he'd come over to my house or take me over to his house & tell me a little about Medusa but still hint about being with me. but when that didn't work he backed off & didn't come around for awhile. he knew i hated Medusa. i didn't wanna fucking hang out with her & i know that he knew that. eventually i did start to hang out with them & it sucked becos of her. & i'd just have to tolerate her. but i did it-- FOR JAMIE. On Halloween it was HER idea to go trick-or-treating & SHE invited me. she was the only one that didn't have fun. she moped around & pouted the whole time but me & jamie still managed to have a good time.. later that day she threw a tantrum cos me & jamie were going to a Halloween show in Dayton, Ohio. i heard her whining & crying in the bedroom & i was like "Oh my God! What the Fuck??" i thought we were never gonna get outta there but we finally escaped! even tho she had tried to make jamie feel sorry for her so he'd stay & not go to the show with me....it didn't work. he bitched about her all the way there! i never heard him bitch about anyone as much as he bitched about her!! he totally vented & i could tell that it made him feel sooo much better! but i didn't say anything about her. i just listened & laughed. he finally admitted that he didn't even wanna be with her. he was just lonely. but he was afraid of what would happen if they broke up cos she'd still be right across the street. & at this point he thought it was too late cos she had already moved in with him. so we went to the show & had a great fucking time. we stayed at Matt's house that night. (MONTHS later Matt told me that that night Jamie confessed to him that he was in love with me.) eventually i stopped going to Jamie's house. cos Medusa made it so uncomfortable (for everyone. not just me) & she'd always start a fight with Jamie. they'd fight everyday. cos she always had to start drama about everyfuckingthing. & i had to hear all about it becos jamie would come right over to my house & tell me all about it. i got sick & tired of pretending to get along with her. & it pissed me off that she fucked with jamie so much & treated him like shit. but i felt like i couldn't say anything about it. & why should i pretend to like someone when i know damn well that she didn't like me either?? FUCK THAT! just like tim: her favorite thing to do was try to find something about someone that they were insecure about & pick on them for it. she tried to make people feel bad to make herself feel better. & i know becos that's exactly how Tim was. an example: she liked to pick on Jamie's friend ryan's girlfriend kristen & say she has "small boobs". & she'd "joke" about it all night. but i tried to keep the peace for jamie's sake--i just couldn't do it anymore. not even for jamie. i didn't wanna loose him as a friend but i did anyway. in november & december is when it started to get real bad. it was always fucking bad, it just got worse. Jamie would come over weekly to rant & rave about Medusa & how he had to get away from her. & one night he called & was so close to dumping her. & i finally spoke up & said, "DO IT." but he chickened out. i'll never know why he felt so obligated to stay with her. but i do know that i have been in that situation before too....we just dunno how to end relationships. Jamie stopped coming around so much. & i suspected it was becos of her. she'd always get pissed when me & jamie were reminiscing & she didn't know what we were talkng about. she got irritated by our inside jokes & didn't like it when Jamie had fun with me. i really don't think she liked it when Jamie was happy & had fun cos she was unhappy & wanted him to be as miserable as her. (another simaillar tim trait!!) i was talking to Matt on the phone a lot cos we liked to gossip all the time! this is when matt told me that jamie told him that he was in love with me...i wrote about that on Livejournal which really bit me in the ass later! Matt also told me that jamie told him he wasn't "allowed" to hang out with me. cos medusa was jealous of me. i called jamie & asked him about it. of course he denied it but i knew it was true. One night in January i had gone over to Jamie's house becos Len was there. i really wanted to see him cos i hadn't seen him for months . so i got there just in time to see Medusa storm out like a big fucking crybaby. i wonder if she had already read my livejournal but was still plotting about what to do about it & i think her friends put ideas into her head that made her believe she should watch out for me cos i was best friends with her boyfriend. they totally encourage her insanity....plus she was mad at jamie for telling me a bunch of shit about their relationship & she was also pissed cos everything she said about me got back to me cos JAMIE told me. Jamie got accused of "running his mouth"...but she's the one that was running her mouth--she shouldn't talk shit about people if she didn't want them to find out. (when i talk shit about people it's cos i want it to get back to them!!!) anyhoo--i wrote about that on Livejournal as well which came back to haunt me a few weeks later...... In February--i spent the weekend at Matt's house cos his band Solaroid had a show. i had the best time only to come home to fucking drama. monday morning i got a phonecall from medusa... her story changes too! first she says that i sent it to her & it was in her mailbox. then she says she found a yellow envelope saved on the computer & then she told Matt that i wrote a letter & saved it on the computer. she couldn't even keep her story straight!!!! later that day the phone rang. i knew it'd be jamie. i was dreading it all day cos i knew it was coming. he was asking me a bunch of questions that he was instructed to ask me. i heard Medusa bitching in the background. the whole thing was fucking stupid...I go : "i don't even know why i'm explaining myself. this is stupid." i remember jamie saying " i dunno either." later i was told that he didn't even wanna make that phone call. but back then i really thought that jamie cared about what i had written on Livejournal. but as it turns out Medusa was the only one that cared. she made jamie make that call. but at the time i really thought that jamie was mad at me. cos i could tell by his voice that he was upset. he said "i'm not gonna be around for awhile." & his voice was shaking. (i thought it was cos he was pissed.) i just said,"OK." & we said "goodbye." jamie later told me that right after he hung up the phone he started crying cos he was upset that we couldn't hang out anymore. which totally enraged Medusa. cos she couldn't control his feelings & emotions. she tried so hard to control & manipulate him & make him stop being friends with me. how can someone like that ever be happy??? i mean--you spend so much time & put so much energy into trying to control someone it must be very frustrating when you realize you will never have complete control over them.... but jamie never stopped caring about me.i really thought he did. i didn't cry about it. i was upset. & it did fucking hurt--real bad. but i have been hurt so much by so many people that i can just block it out & not feel it. (just bury it deep...until it comes out in therapy...) it broke my heart to hear that Jamie was that hurt over it. especially since i really thought that he didn't care at all. cos i thought that Medusa had poisoned his mind so much that she finally convinced him that i was evil or some shit. when SHE was the EVIL ONE. i found out so much shit about the fucked-up-ness of that whole relationship. (not only from Jamie after they broke up but also from both of my brothers cos they were still in contact with jamie during this time.) & it was way worse that i ever thought. she actually had jamie convinced that he was a bad person & that he was the one that was crazy!!! & that he was treating her like shit & controlling her when she was the one that was doing it. & of course i can totally relate to that since that was also how tim made me feel. she was worse than tim tho!! she told jamie he was crazy all the time & made him go to a neurologist to find out what was "wrong" with him. & said to him "even if we do break up. i still want you to go get help,ok?" WHAT THE FUCK???!! somehow Medusa had made herself belieive that all their problems were MY fault! even tho i was no longer in the picture. I WENT ON WITH MY LIFE. i was ok. as ok as i could be without my best friend. (& no one to talk to...atleast no one to talk to like i talked to Jamie...) i got lonely but i filled the void with makeout sessions with boys & hanging out at shows with whoever wanted to hang out with me!!! i had a crush on a boy named dez & he took up alotta my time. i made an entry on LJ about Medusa & i guess she read it.... A few nights later i got a call. it was Medusa. she just called to tell me "Jamie chose me over her." (even tho i hadn't been around at all) I just hung up! then i called joaquin to tell him about it. he called jamie & then called me back to inform me that Jamie finally broke up with Medusa. i was so relieved!--it was finally over & we could be friends again!!! joaquin told me that i should call jamie but i was still too hurt. i wish i wouldn't have been so stubborn. cos they got back together the next day & jamie told me later that if i woulda called him he wouldn't have gotten back with her & the next few months of torture coulda totally been avoided. it's so dumb cos the first thing Medusa asked him was "did you talk to Jolie?" & becos he didn't he got sucked right back in....outta pity. & that's all she cared about...to her the whole thing was about ME & keeping jamie away from me...& i really don't get that at all. it doesn't make any fucking sense-- she is just fucked up. & she totally fucked jamie up. i asked him about this yesterday--i asked him why she felt the need to call me & tell me they broke up & why she insisted that it was all my fault. & i wasn't even around. i'm like "i didn't know i had so much power!" he told me they got into a fight & as usual my name came up & she got mad cos Jamie told her "I'm not gonna NOT talk to Jolie for forever." & she blew up & threw a fit cos she knew she didn't have control....& she couldn't make jamie not wanna be friends with me. i wrote about that phonecall on livejournal & myspace & Medusa got pissed cos she knew it was TRUE. so she made jamie send me a message telling me that i "didn't win." i only read it once,showed it to matt, & then deleted it. after me & matt had been so happy that jamie finally escaped from Medusa & her head of snakes.....we were so disappointed to hear that she had turned him to stone again....later i was told that jamie was scolded for not being "mean enough" in the email. i was at matt's house when we found out that they got back together. cos jamie had called matt & medusa made him ask matt if he hated her (which natuarlly he did. cos EVERYBODY does!) she had read about that on LJ & she made jamie ask matt if he told me that jamie liked me. In march i started going to therapy & i also did the Just Like a Gemini mini zine. in April, my brother joseph got outta jail & was staying at jamie's house & got to witness first hand how horrible jamie's life with Medusa was....examples of this hell include her "migraines" just to get drugs. she would fake migraines so jamie would take her to the hospital to get painkillers. (even tho he had to go to work the next & they would be at the hospital all night.) & her crazy delusions about ME. they continued & she seemed to think that i was trying to break her & jamie up even tho i hadn't seen or spoken to jamie for 2 or 3 months. she still obsessively read my livejournal & threw a bunch of my stuff away that was at jamie's apartment(except for the things he HID! it's pretty fuct up when you gotta hide stuff from someone cos they are insane & will flip out) & she also tore up photos of me.....real mature! JUST BECOS YOU GET RID OF EVIDENCE OF A PERSON IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY NO LONGER EXIST. MAYBE IN MEDUSA'S LITTLE WORLD....but jamie says he thought about me everyday & he'd never forgot about me cos i was always the most important thing in his life. Medusa had been cutting herself & threatening to kill herself & being all psycho & tried to make jamie think it was all his fault. but jamie stopped caring & he didn't care at all anymore so medusa had to take drastic measures to get attention & make jamie feel bad. i guess she was running outta ideas & getting desperate. it's really sad & pathetic that medusa did all this shit & she should feel humiliated & ashamed of herself for what she did to jamie. but i really think that she is a sociopath & has no conscience & feels no guilt for anything she does. she probably never feels anything. (except pity for herself.) i wrote about the cutting incident on LJ but didn't care if she read it. i actually didn't think she was still reading it but she was....& i figured i'd never be friends with jamie ever again anyway. so i didn't give a fuck if either of them got pissed about it. jamie didn't get mad but later he said that he knew i did it on purpose just in case Medusa saw it! (he knows me too well!) & then Medusa made his life even more of a living hell becos of it. becos he told joseph about it. but she only did that to get to jamie & she found out that jamie had had enough & wanted OUT. THE REUNION for some reason Medusa wanted to get her own apartment. so jamie did everything he could to help her move & get her OUT. cos he knew it was his only escape. so he helped her move & then broke up with her. he started hanging out with my brothers & i did everything to avoid him cos i was still hurt about everything. but i kept seeing him everywhere! the first sign that he had finally made his escape was when i saw him going to the laundrymat to do his laundry. then a few days later i just happened to look out the window as he drove by. & before that i was at joaquin's apt. alone & he called. i saw his number on the caller ID & just thought it was Medusa calling joaquin. those sightings made me very sad & i got extremely depressed. i started to miss him cos i kept seeing him.plus his birthday was that week so i was thinking about him. i still wasn't even sure if him & medusa had broken up. & i was afraid to ask anyone cos i didn't wanna get my hopes up. especially if he didn't wanna be friends with me again. so i had convinced everyone (including myself) that i didn't wanna be his friend anymore. i didn't wanna get caught CARING! then i was at joaquin's house on jamie's birthday & he happened to call when i was there. joaquin kept asking me if i wanted to talk to jamie & i was stubborn & said "NO." i guess that inspired him to write me a letter. the next day he came over but i refused to talk to him. then i found the letter that he left for me. ----i read it. & i totally bawled my eyes out. (it still makes me tear up when i think about that moment!) in the midst of all that joseph & jamie showed up but i still wasn't ready to talk to him so i hid in my room. either that day or the day before joseph had invited me to drink fortys with him & jamie. but brandon was supposed to come over so i used that as an excuse. jamie had also spent the night with joaquin & all he did was whine about me!! so then i finally decided to write to jamie on myspace.... he showed up at my door that night. i was so happy to see him!! but i still didn't hug him until he asked me for a hug! we spent everyday that week together. we had so much fun!!! & we have been inseperable since then. at first everything was back to normal. but he started to wanna hang out with me all day everyday & even wanted me to stay until 1 or 2 in the morning when he had to be up at 5 to go to work!! he just did not want me to leave! so i knew that he still had feelings for me & being apart for so long made him fall in love with me even more. & then he wrote me a love letter. the next day i avoided him for most of the day becos i didn't wanna break his heart. i just didn't know what i was gonna say to him...eventually i answered the door when he came over. i broke it to him gently...later when i asked him about that moment he said he almost cried. (ouch.) but i really didn't want that at the time. i just wanted my best friend back. jamie got me roses for my birthday again. my "birthday party" was nothing like planned. it was me,joaquin,jamie, ryan & kristen. joaquin left really early. then ryan & kristen went to bed.i really dunno what happened with me & jamie!!!! i just rememer sitting there & he was way at the other end of the couch. & i just remember looking at him & wondering why i couldn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me. he had given me a tattoo on my leg earlier that day & that was the most he had ever touched me!! & he kept getting closer & closer to me on the couch & by the end of the night he was sitting right beside me & he kinda had his hand on my leg....& i wasn't hating it! so when we were finally alone he asked me "am i making you uncomfortable?" i said, "no. if you were i'd leave." i don't really remember most of the conversation--we were kinda drunk. i told him that il oved him too & i could tell that it made him incredibly happy. i wanted to cuddle with him so i put my arms around him & i could feel him shake cos he was so happy. cos that's all he ever wanted. ME TOO. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT UNTIL THEN. he had tried to write me another letter at work but didn't finish it....he gave it to me anyway. WE MADE OUT THE REST OF THE NIGHT!!!! the next day i did feel kinda weird about it just cos it was NEW. & i was scared about the whole thing. i was afraid things would get fucked up & we'd never be able to be friends ever again. & i knew as soon as medusa found out all hell would break loose...& it did. then she tried to make people feel sorry for her & say that i wanted to go out with jamie the whole time which is completely untrue. & she could also play the victim & say that i broke them up which is also false. & of course the story would always change depending on who she was talking to. as soon as i told joaquin about me & jamie he went & told medusa. her worst fear had come true. & she helped create it! the whole time she was with jamie all she cared about was jamie being in love with me & that one day i'd realize i loved him too & then we'd be together & we'd be happy. & it finally came true becos she made it come true! She kept us apart for so long that it made us even closer! i spent so much time being upset or worried about jamie's girlfriends being jealous or not liking me or wanting me around jamie just cos i was a girl--there was a simple solution the whole time! I SHOULDA BEEN WITH JAMIE!! i never knew but he knew it the whole time..... Medusa also didn't want anyone to know what really happened with her & jamie. & all the lies & stories she had to make up to try to keep him....all the shit she put him thru & all her lies & delusions about me & jamie's friendship, her jealousy & insecurities & fits of rage. not to mention the fact that jamie never even wanted her cos he was in love with me. & he spent 3/4 of the "relationship" trying to get OUT. & she knew she'd get caught in all her LIES. she made up all these stories about being raped to get jamie to feel sorry for her. & she realized that would come back to her (& when it did she acted like it wasn't even her fault. it was joaquin's fault for telling us that she was lying.) she even went so low as to tell jamie's sister-in-law that he hit her. when she was the abusive one & trashed his stuff when she would have a temper tantrum. she wanted people to think that she broke up with him cos he was "violent". she was the only person to have this alleged problem with jamie. before we got together she coulda said that i just didn't know how jamie was &/or didn't know that side of him becos we never dated--but i do know him now & he is nothing like how she portrays him. cos he treats me like a fucking QUEEN. he has never treated me bad or talked shit about me or abused me in any way. he doesn't have a violent bone in his body. she's just a fucking liar & she knows it. & THE TRUTH FINALLY CAME OUT. she still wanted to be with jamie. she can deny it all she wants to. but there were absolutely no problems until she found out we were a couple. i think she thought they were still together or that they were gonna get back together or maybe she was just in denial that he dumped her ass. cos she was still hanging around. & when they broke up it took her by surprise & she even asked jamie if they could still have sex! she kept coming over to use his phone & kept bothering him. & she tried to make jamie feel bad for hanging out with me & not her. "you spend all yer time with Jolie. why can't you make a little time to spend with me? wah wah." one day someone broke into jamie's house & stole his lock box. it contained $500 & his $250 wedding ring. Medusa was the #1 suspect & the cops even fingerprinted her. that day she came over & told jamie that she wanted him to come over that sunday & "talk" cos she needed "closure." but me & jamie ended up getting together that weekend...HOW'S THAT FOR CLOSURE??? Medusa called & left 6 or 7 psycho messages on jamie's answering machine as soon as she found out that we were together. &THEN THE STALKING BEGAN.... THE STALKING i am gonna try to keep this SHORT. & give the capsulized & condensed version of the story. just becos i don't wanna re-live this whole thing when it is finally over. so i guess Medusa had declared a WAR. & surprisingly she has a few friends so she recruited them for her PSYCHO CLUB. (i will refer to them as "Stupid Girl" & "Dumb Girl" becos they believe everything she tells them & they do anything she tells them to do.) I'm sure Medusa made up lotsa stories about how evil me & jamie are but i guess it just wasn't enough. one day they saw us walking to the liquor store. stupid girl (who i didn't even know. & i still don't really) yelled "Hi Jamie" & she did that every time she saw us...i'm not sure why. i think it was part of some sorta scheme that will come up later... & i think seeing me & jamie together that day is the first thing that set Medusa off. that & the fact that i was writing about how happy i was to be with Jamie on Livejournal & Myspace. i guess medusa didn't like that. & she seemed to think that we were putting on a show just for her! & we were only together to make her mad--like our lives revolved around HER or something! i dunno what made her think that..i guess it's cos she's mentally ill. but i guess Medusa wrote a blog about it on Myspace. i never did read the whole thing cos it was just a bunch of stupid lies. jamie read it tho & it pissed him off so he wrote a blog about it. he was the one that told me about it. she said all this shit about us being alcoholics & that jamie "likes it up the ass." & whatever. i dunno why she felt the need to write about that or why she was so concerned about our sex life. we get off just fine. & all i really gotta say about that is that he's never asked me to put anything up there!--i guess he doesn't need me to... she also seems to think that i'm a dominatrix! i dunno where that came from. (i like spanking & hairpulling & i guess she thinks that = domination.) she's not very smart. anyhoo--i did start writing shit about her again but it was cos she wrote about us. it wasn't to get "revenge" or anything. i'm sure that's what she thought.... but as i always did, i was just writing about my day! THEN!--here's where it gets CRAZY!! she had StupidGirl join Myspace & Livejournal just to get to me!!!! she sent me these messages about how she wanted to be "FRIENDS" with me & jamie. (which is why she'd always wave at him i suppose.) it was so obvious that this was Medusa's idea & she made her do it. i was nice about it at first. i told stupid girl how it REALLY was....& i didn't know stupid girl very well & i knew she was under Medusa's command. so everything was cool for awhile. But medusa wasn't having that!! she wanted her "WAR." so this is when i started getting emails that were from Stupid Girl's address & they were inviting me to join some website. but to do that i had to fill out all this shit & give personal information. Fuck That! they were trying to get me to give out personal info so they could get my password but i wasn' falling for that!! i didn't even think much of it at the time. i just knew it was fucking annoying. so i sent a reply to one of those emails asking them why they were so obsessed with me. they didn't like that! so to them the battle was on... this is when Medusa broke into jamie's email & myspace account. & it occured to me that they were trying to get into my account as well. most of this was medusa's doing. StupidGirl claims to have no involvement & acts like she's totally innocent. but she wasn't. we even thought that maybe medusa broke into StupidGirls account too cos we knew just by how it was written that she was the one that replied to my email. jamie had been having problems with his email all week. one morning i tried to log into myspace & couldn't cos it was locked "due to excessive failed login attempts". so of course i was suspicious! especially becos jamie couldn't even login to his myspace account at all. after a little Nancy Drew detective work we discoverd that his password had been changed. she didn't even do anything to his account! she wasn't clever enough to send messages to people pretending to be jamie or to delete his account or something. she just wanted access to it so she could keep tabs on him!! that's fucking CRAZY!!!cuckoo!!! so jamie sent her a little message.during all this we had been getting phone calls at 4 & 5 in the morning. (one timeit was 11 times in a row.) & we figured it was Medusa cos she lost her mind even more becos she kept seeing together everywhere. & we ignored her! we never said anything to her. we acted like we didn't see her. but that made her go totally off the deep end. her & DumbGirl (the only time dumbgirl had been involved in this whole thing) put a vibrator in our mailbox. i dunno what the point of this was. (i have my own & that is her only boyfriend now. why would she just ditch him like that?!) i only got pissed becos it made jamie mad. cos he put up with her stupid shit enough when they were together. they weren't together anymore so he didn't HAVE to put up with it. but she was still trying to get to him. it was so annoying. i did retaliate a little but not to the extent of her dumb little stunts...i posted a bulletin on Myspace about the vibrator incident so i know she got some hate mail for that. (which she totally deserved.) & i put up a photo of her with a pig nose cos it was really fucking funny cos she looked just like a pig!!! but i took all that shit down cos the drama stopped for a minute. but then she got this other kid she knew to send me a message on myspace but i didn't even bother to read it. cos i knew he was her LAST friend. she ran outta friends to recruit. so i knew it'd be over after that cos she had no one else. StupidGirl was already pissed & saying i was the one that was crazy....it was her own fault for being friends with medusa & she got involved in Medusa's stupid shit voluntarily. she shoulda kept her nose out of it. but yeah--that's the jist of it. medusa finally gave up when she realized she was fighting a losing battle. maybe it's cos she knows we are getting married & there's not a goddamn thing she can do about it...so that's my story. AND JOLIE AND JAMIE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.... the end. the outroduction: i wasn't even sure if i should do this zine. cos i figured there would be "retaliation" becos i am writing about it again. but i am a writer! that's what i do.... & even tho i'm not using names--The Psycho Club knows who they are. so i thought they might get pissed & go all pyscho again & try to get "even" with me for writing about what they did & all the shit they put me & jamie thru. it's been over for so long & i'm so happy that we got thru it & i don't have to deal with it anymore. i'm not trying to restart it cos we're finally being left alone. & none of that shit matters anymore....now it's just zine material. & i realize that i probably come off being arrogant & self-centered, (or so i'm told) especially when dealing with The Psycho Club. but that's just how ya gotta deal with those people....but it's becos i know the truth about everything. i've never made up stories about anyone. everything i write is nonfiction. all this stuff really happened. & i sound vain when i write about jamie becos i know how jamie feels about me. i write about how much he loves me & always has cos i feel so lucky to have him. he's a sure thing--he's the one & only person i've ever cared about & loved this much. & the only thing in my life that i'm actually secure & confident in & nothing is ever gonna change that. cos we're so much alike. & we were meant for each other. i am just like a gemini. & he is just like a gemini too.