Happily In Love's blog: "thoughts and feelings"

Here I sit wishing I knew an easy way to tell him exactly how I feel about him.  Knowing that when he gets done with work he will come home and we will go out together as if we were officially a couple, without a care in the world of what others think of us being together.  He is always there when I need him and does everything he can to make the hard days easier and to understand me.  He has no idea how much he helps me just get through each day and night with all the other drama and bullshit going on.  Just hearing his voice and having him tell me everything will work out one way or another makes everything all that much better and easier to handle. 

Now with Heaven being with her grandparents and father I spend every other weekend with him, just the two of us. Yeah he's had to work both weekends that I have been down here so far but that's alright because while he's at work I just hang out and try figuring everything out and then when he gets home we do whatever we wanna do.  Nobody to tell us there is other stuff that needs to be done or that we need to be in by a certain time.  We have total freedom to just be us.  And even when we just stay at his place and watch tv together I feel like there's nothing else that could make the day/night any better.  I don't know how he does it but just being with him makes me feel whole, like there's nothing that could go wrong.  He knows how to make me feel better no matter what.

I want to tell him that he means so much to me but I'm scared of losing what we already have. I don't know where I stand with him and I don't want to take the chance of pushing too far and scaring him away.  His sister keeps telling me to just tell him that even if his feelings aren't as strong it won't push him away but it's so much easier said than done.  Yet when he looks into my eyes I swear they are saying so much more than he ever has emotionly.  I mean yeah we talk all the time but we never talk about us, never talk about our feelings for each other.  I don't know if that's because he is afraid of getting hurt again so he feels if he doesn't say how he feels there's no way he can get hurt or what.  I just want to take one night to sit down and talk about us and our feelings but I don't know how to talk to him about it. I have never been very good with words...especially when it comes to emotions and I think that's why I'm so scared to even try talking to him about it all.