Happily In Love's blog: "some writings by me"

You think you know me Think you have learned all you can But how can you be sure? Do you know the way I feel each night? When the loneliness sinks in When nobody is there to hold me Do you know the thoughts that go through my head each day when Im alone? Sittin by myself thinking about life And the way things are and could be Do you feel the hurt I feel? From the many times Ive been betrayed When the ones I hold closest turn on me You may think you know me Think theres nothing more to learn But you only know the outside layer of me Very few know the whole me Now ask yourself Do you know me?

When a heart is broke is there any real way of healing it? As much as we try the pain is always there. Making us skitish and paranoid to love another. After having your heart broke you never love the same again. Can never give as much trust. We say we are over the hurt but deep down in I dont think we ever really are. We hold on to it so that we dont make the mistake again. As a constant reminder of what can happen if we totally surrender to love. I truely believe that once your heart has been broken you never fully love again.

Have you ever just sat back and wondered what it would be like to have someone you care for be here one day and then next be across the county or on the other side of the world? Barely ever hearing from them and dealin with jealous people running their mouths. Its the hardest thing for a person to do. But when you fall for a soldier theres nothing more that can be done. When he gets deployed or relocated all you can do is sit back and wait for the time when he gets leave again. The days are long but nights are even longer. Not knowing what is going on with him or if hes okay...Praying each night that God will bring him home safely. Wishin every minute of the day you could just reach out and touch his face or even just hear his voice. Not knowing for sure when the next time either will happen. Just being strong enough to hold on while hes so far away is hard. But then you get people who dont want one of you happy and you have to deal with it almost totally alone because you dont want them to worry about the things going on back home. Sometimes you sit and wonder if you can make it through until your in his arms again...but then you sit and remember all the good times together and know you can. The kiss you will get when he gets home will make everything so worth the wait. Even though you know hes not going to be home for long. Maybe a week or two before he has to leave again. Trying to spend as much time with him as you can yet knowing he needs time with family and friends without you. Theres nothing harder then loving a soldier...we are the ones who are forgotten about seein we are back home. Yet even when our men are out there we are just as scared back home. We may not be risking our lives but we are risking our hearts to support those who are risking their lives. Our job is just as hard as thiers just in a different way. We are the silent ranks...the girlfriends, fiances, and wifes of the military men fighting for this country.

Love doesnt make sence most the time. Trying the understand it is pointless most the time. We dont get to choose who we love, it just happens. And sadly you may have to hurt one to love another. But you cant please everyone and you have to keep yourself happy above all others. If someone cant understand that than theres nothing you can do. If they really love you they will want you to be happy at any cot. True love is honestly a hard thing to came by but when you find it dont littlego without a fight. We may never understand how love its a very powerful thing!

Before I changed my ways I got little attention. Now Im a lot more girly. Yes I get more attention but not much that I really like. I dont understand why looks matter so much too people. Just because someone looks amazing doesnt mean they have an amazing personality. Some of the nicest people are the ones who get ignored. Each one of us has something unique about ourselves. But the only way you can learn what that somehing may be is to take the time to get to know a person. Its like the saying "you cant judge a book by its cover", you cant judgea person from their looks. In todays world its hard to be young and popluar. Society expcts too much from you. Its just easier to be an outsider. That way can truely be yourself. Yet even as an outsider you are classified in a smaller group. Its not fair that society judge people so harshly. We should let people be themselves. Let the individuality show proudly. But instead it seems weare afraid of individuality. Whenever someone is different we shun them instead accepting them. And then when kids go and do crazy things such as school shootings we blame their home life. When in reality its probably more from being terrized by all the bullys at school and in society. We complain about the way kids act yet we never go tothe root of th problem, societies way of thinking. If society would learn to accept individulity life would probably go a lot smoother for many people. And not so many people would be angry over the little things they are.

Each day I sit here thinking about the way things were compared to the way they are. It seems better now. Except for the fact that Im alone. No its not a horrible thing but it does get real lonely I miss having someone dear to hold close, someone I can call my own and have it be true. I got my beautiful little angel who is my whole world but I want a good man to share tht joy with me. Im not one of hte single moms trying to find her kid a daddy! My daughter has one already. I just want a man who will accept her and me. Who will be good to us and stick by us through thick and thin. I dont want a man whos going to put drugs, frieds, or anything of the sort before me and the little one. Family and work I can understand coming first to a point. Im not picky on what they look like but I wanta man who wont embarrass me. Being alone sucks but I cant seem to find somebody who understands the baby and school are my major priorities right now. I have to finish school so I can get a decent job. I will make time for my man though. Its hard to believe its so hard to find a good guy. I dont play with a guys head or heart and cant a man taking care of me. All I want is a campanion. Someone to care for and to care for me. NOt understanding why thats so hard for men to grasp and handle.