Terran Nytefyer's blog: "Rantings, Ramblings, & Ruminations"

Otherkin to talk with on a regular basis.

ESPECIALLY other vampires.

It’s difficult, and sometimes draining, to have to try to explain to people who don’t quite understand (or who WON’T understand).

ESPECIALLY trying to accurately explain what it’s like to be a vamp without a donor; to be a vamp without a donor for two years.

When you’re a vampire, and you have willing donor you can feed from on a regular basis (once every 1-2 weeks, usually), things are usually fine, where they should be:

• senses are heightened, like they normally are for a vamp
• immune system functioning better than ‘average” (getting sick less, and having sickness last for lesser time frames)
• healing quicker
• being more connected on a level most people don’t quite get
• “gut feelings” more accurate
• mind working/thinking up to speed
• less lethargy, less tiredness

Etc., etc., etc.

But, when you’re a vamp, and you CAN’T feed properly, as you should be able to … shit starts to get wonky.

Your senses are greatly diminished, for one.   Or, I should say, your senses start to diminish more the longer you go without feeding.

• Your sense of hearing gets a bit weaker - you can’t hear all the subtle, quiet noises you should be able to. (No, you won’t eventually go deaf, but your hearing will suck.)
• Your sense of smell is shit.  You can’t pick up on even some of the slightest smells you used to be able to.  Food has a muted smell.  Certain things that normally smell fabulous to you, start to smell kind of “enh.”  You start to go “nose deaf” with certain smells.  It’s hard to explain.
• Your eyesight gets crappier.  Not that you’ll go blind, but you will start to develop a mild form of “night blindness” at times, when you used to be able to see in the dark just fine.  Hell, even during the day, the sun seems just a little bit brighter than usual.  Where the sun is concerned, this is also due to:
• Having a little less energy in direct sunlight. (SO, we don’t burst into flames or anything like that_.  But, without regular feeding, we do get weaker and a bit more lethargic (quicker than “normal”) in direct sunlight.  Quicker to heatstroke, too.
• Sense of taste starts to diminish.  A lot of food starts to taste more bland.

Also, your energies start to go awry.  You can’t seem to concentrate on things for long periods of time (almost like having ADHD), or you get TOO focused on ONE single thing for too long and lose track of shit …

You are more sensitive to some things, less sensitive to others (and this fluctuates when you don’t feed regularly - some days, you’re too sensitive to everything, even taking everything people say the wrong way; other days, you’re not sensitive to ANYTHING, and could end up bruising yourself, or hurting yourself and not even realize it for a few days.)

And OH MY GODS the horniness/sexual energy.  This is where it really starts to get fucked up.  As a vampire, a regular feeding regulates and stabilizes YOUR sex drive FOR you.  Whether it’s a high or low sex drive you have, a regular feeding will make it normal for YOU.  You’ll stay at a high sex drive, or a low sex drive.  Whichever is your norm.  When you DON’T feed, or go to long WITHOUT feeding, there is no “stable” for your sex drive.  You can go months without even thinking about it, and then get horny all day (or several times a day) for months.  Wake up with a hard on, and get them periodically throughout the day (or wake up wet, with it happening throughout the day) - need to fuck like a rabbit, or masturbate furiously several times a day.  On THESE days, when your unregulated sex drive is in hypermode, all you need is some erotica to get off.  Maybe a dirty picture or two.  Other times, you NEED to talk to someone, or actually NEED to feel flesh in order to get off properly.  And if you can’t find a willing participant, well … you don’t get off, and go another day being horny.

Some days, because of these energy fluctuations from not feeding regularly, you just can’t be arsed to get out of bed, because you just don’t have the strength.  Sleep all day, without it really being restful, and just stay tired.  Get clumsy.  be lethargic - and have that lethargy last for days, sometimes weeks.

As I said - not having a donor/playmate for two years has REALLY fucked with my energies.  This is another reason I’ve been so fucking horny lately, and masturbate several times throughout the day.  IF I can actually get off.

And it’s difficult not really having a lot of other vampires around to talk to about it, etc.

So, there ya go.  Just a bit of a bitch/whine/rant.