Reeka's blog: "Whatever"

I grow tired of repeating myself and hoped that maybe people could do me the courtesy of reading this to avoid any awkward conversations later.

I am not single and not looking.  I have flirted in the past, but I am not at a point in my life where I can even appreciate it.  

I'm a breast cancer survivor; some of you know that.  Some of you know I've had to have a mastectomy to remove the cancer.  I had reconstruction with an implant on the affected side.  However, after 3 long years of dealing with complications due to the radiation treatment I received, I've had to have that removed.  I only have one breast right now; there's a cavity in my chest where the other belongs.  I say this not for sympathy or attention, but merely because I am SO bloody sick of dealing with assholes on this site talking about my tits or thinking they know what I've been through when you can't imagine what it's like to not only have to deal with the multiple surgeries and pain, but also the loss of the essense of your femininity.  It's not cute, funny, or sweet to talk about how the only thing that matters is that I'm alive.  It's certainly the most important thing, but not the only.  

For the curious, I have a 6-12 month wait before I can proceed with reconstruction.  The surgeon does not believe another implant will thrive due to the radiation damage.  His 2 best options are doing a latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction over implant (they take skin and underlying tissue and muscle from the shoulder blade and bring it around to the front) or a TRAM flap (similar procedure but from the tummy, with no implant).  Either one is major surgery with several months of recovery time.  I'd have to lose about 30 pounds to make the TRAM flap more viable because if you have too much tissue for the blood supply, it dies off and you have to have the dead tissue surgically removed as it happens - which results in an irregular shaped breast that's difficult to fix.

That's really all I'm gonna say for now... I don't mind answering questions people might have but I just wanted to get some of this out there so I don't lose it trying to talk to someone who has a genuine concern.  I'm not brave to go through this - I have no choice.  I deal with what I'm dealt.  Don't try to make me out to be some kind of hero; I'm just me.