SAPHY's blog: "Feeling lost "

I can't stand it when I am being played and lied to, It hurts to be told Im cared about and loved when im not, I see all the love going in other places but me and I am supposed to ignore it and get treated like I am stupid. So why do I keep opening my heart back up ? Believe me I keep asking myself the same question.  I know I am over bearing and my depression makes me lash out.  So generally it pushes people away . Each and every time I think I am going to be happy with someone they either seek happiness in someone else or I just loose them completely. A chain of events has me spirling down hill. And every day I cry and no one to lean on or guide me, and the times I don't cry I act like nothing is bothering me and hide behind my frown so no suspects that I have so much goin on in my head,  not that any one really cares any way, This blog isnt for attention nor is it a cry for help.  Its just me sharing a little something thats on my mind .  Apparently just being somewhat pretty isnt enough, there will always be someone prettier than me that will get the attention.. So I am lost I don't know how to compete any more , I don't have the strength .  Need someone strong to handle me . And be there for me in my worst not get mad at me and ignore me. I need someone not just say they love me and want me but show it too.  But I am only dreaming . I apoligize for the way I am I wish for so many things to fix myself so that I am for someone that can actually love me .