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I can't stand it when I am being played and lied to, It hurts to be told Im cared about and loved when im not, I see all the love going in other places but me and I am supposed to ignore it and get treated like I am stupid. So why do I keep opening my heart back up ? Believe me I keep asking myself the same question. I know I am over bearing and my depression makes me lash out. So generally it pushes people away . Each and every time I think I am going to be happy with someone they either seek happiness in someone else or I just loose them completely. A chain of events has me spirling down hill. And every day I cry and no one to lean on or guide me, and the times I don't cry I act like nothing is bothering me and hide behind my frown so no suspects that I have so much goin on in my head, not that any one really cares any way, This blog isnt for attention nor is it a cry for help. Its just me sharing a little something thats on my mind . Apparently just being somewhat pretty isnt enough, there will always be someone prettier than me that will get the attention.. So I am lost I don't know how to compete any more , I don't have the strength . Need someone strong to handle me . And be there for me in my worst not get mad at me and ignore me. I need someone not just say they love me and want me but show it too. But I am only dreaming . I apoligize for the way I am I wish for so many things to fix myself so that I am for someone that can actually love me .
As I said in my status this won't be sugar coated. I'm going to say what's on my mind. If you care for me at all you will understand and be there for me. If not. Than just go about your life. I'm to old for games. If I love someone it's full speed not half or when convenient. I know the difference in the idea of someone and actual love. If I am with someone I'm dedicated. And try to be. But I hate being second best. I hate broken promises. If you present yourself in a way that you like or would like for someone else to like than remain that way. I don't like players and cheaters. I love to be spoiled but not by material things. But by undivided attention. I admit I'm rough around the edges and can be difficult. But I have a huge heart that easily gets broken. At the moment I'm very much inlove with someone. But my mind's a mess and so is my heart. I been trying to heal them. But having a hard time with it.
