Home Sick from School
When I was between the ages of 6 and 10, it was pretty horrible staying home sick from school. Its not that I minded missing school, its just that it was kind of lonely. My mother worked. She would be gone from about 7:00AM in the Morning to about 3:30PM in the Afternoon. My older brother went to school so he was gone during the same time period. My father was home...but he worked 3rd shift so he was asleep during this time.
Being sick when you're a kid is no fun...Bad Cough, Cold, Fever, Rashes, and Headaches all sucked. But nothing...absolutely nothing could prepare you for "The Grip." This is the old-fashioned name for a stomach flu. My Mother called it this. I assume that it got its name because of the vice like squeezing around your stomach and intestines during a dual barf and beef episode when you have a stomach virus. Just typing the words "The Grip" makes me queezy. The hardest thing was deciding whether to shit in the toilet and barf in the tub...or vice-versa.
Without Mommy around there was however some comfort. TV Shows. When I was home sick I could count on a few shows to make me actually feel better - The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Gilligan's Island, The Monkees, Banana Splits, and The Flintstones. Visual Aspirin, these shows were to me.
However, there were shows that made me feel worse.
1. The New Zoo Review - Hated this drug induced "hippies do good" show. It had the people in animal suits playing Henrietta Hippo, Freddie Frog, and Charlie the Owl. If the three of them had fallen into a Harvester/Combine I would have been the happiest kid on Earth. There were two "human" characters as well. Doug, this guy has child molestor written all over him, and Emmy who was a Hottie in a miniskirt and Go-Go boots. I had fantasies about Emmy, but one of the friggin big animals would always intrude into the fantasy asking to learn how to tie their friggin' shoes or some shit.
2. Family Affair - What type of twisted dysfunctional family was this? You had Uncle Bill (no personality, child-beater Consulting Engineer, who always looked pissed off or uninterested). You had Buffy (this was the girl that talked to her doll Mrs. Beasley. Time for therapy kid...your mom and dad died...you're stuck with Uncle Bill...get used to it.). You had Jody (any boy named Jody needs to have the shit beat out of them.). You had Sissy (the budding Hottie who Uncle Bill lusted after). Finally, you had Mr. French, an English Butler named Mr. French? The English hate the French. And I hated him and his fancy-ass meals, and white gloves. Die...French...Die.
3. The Andy Griffith Show - I kept hoping that before this show came on...my fever would get so high that I would pass out for the 1/2 hour this show was on TV. Andy, Goober, Gomer, Opie, Aunt Bee, and Barney Fife. Sometimes I didn't have a stomach flu and I would still throw up during this show. All I have to hear is that whistling sound track and I'm "barking soup" so to speak. If this was really what "law" was like in the South...then we actually lost the Civil War...we had to keep all those idiots.
Now...I don't stay home sick as much being "grown up." And usually if I am home...I'm sleeping not watching TV. But...some of those shows are still on the tube...intermixed with new crap like Power Rangers, Teletubbies, and Rugrats. I tried to watch Brady Bunch with my oldest son once. It was a complete failure. He just didn't get it. Must be a generational thing.
