BEANER AKA MYSTO WC's blog: "hiding"

through recent times...i have had many ups and downs in life...hurt,cry,laugh,happy, all those moods. I have come to a point to say sorry to all that i have hurted. I have not meant to do so. I am only human, we all are not ourselves most of the time when on net. So to all on the net that i have hurted, i do apologize. In the real world..i say sorry also. I am going on a new journey to find out what i was meant to be here for. I feel right now there is no reasoning for me...i am a black sheep who hides...with my walls to push people away...

Once again i find myself fucking up.... i feel as though i find the "right one".. and yet i let myself self put up these horrible walls and push them away....i know i have not been the best person....i have done my wrongs...who hasnt...no one is perfect. I feel as though i should stop searching...but yet i wanna settle and stop being lonely...how do i let these wall tumble down from all these past episodes?...i hate who i am

I FIND IT VERY AMUSING HOW EVERYONE CAN TELL YOU THAT "IF YOU REALLY LOVE THE PERSON TO LET HER/HIM GO...AND IF THAT PERSON LOVES YOU BACK...THEY SHALL COME BACK TO YOU". HOW CAN SOMETHING SO EASY BE SO HARD? WHAT IS ARE REAL PURPOSE HEAR...HOW IS THAT YOU CAN LUST, AND THEN HATE, YOU CAN LOVE, AND THEN HURT? AND IN THE END YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT ALL MEANS...CUZ THEN YOU GET THAT ONE THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD...MAYBE THERE IS SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE FOR ME? WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF LOVE...OR BEING COMPLETE..SO THEY SAY? YES I UNDERSTAND THAT AS YOU READ THIS YOU MAY SAY I AM BEING EMO...BUT ITS OKAY...I KNOW THAT I AM A BETTER PERSON CUZ I CAN LOOK DEEP WITHING MYSELF TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS...PEOPLE LET SOCIETY BRING YOU DOWN..TO WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BE..I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT I AM ABLE TO WRITE MY THOUGHTS DOWN AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND BE OKAY WITH WHAT I AM...WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU HAVE HATE FOR YOURSELF? I DONT KNOW...I AM JUST RAMBLING ON...WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE?

its odd to see how we hide from our trueselves...spray painting the mirror that is right in front of ourselves, not wanting to know the truth about our own journery...our own reality. Why do we cheat ourselves...lie to our own soul. What is our purpose? If I cut will I see the truth...can you be honest or set everyone up with more false lies to cover that first lie up? To behonest...seems to be foolish. Games are played everyday with eachother...with not a care in ther world...so why do we hide from ourselves?