i hate myself...
i hate the things i do and say, the way i act...the way i treat people
theres so many people i treat like shit....
idk how many girls i call babe or hun..
i flirt with girls all the time...
i hate that i dont want to but i still do it anyways
dk how many girls over the years have told me that they love me...or that they are in love with me...and i just keep leading them on
i hate how i buy things on impulse and spend all my money
i hate how i can be cocky and actually be confident around my friends but when it comes time i cant do anything..
i hate how i cant tell the women i like or love or have feelings for that i have and feel those things for them
i hate how no matter what i do or how hard i try to make people happy and give them the best i still get fucked over
to be honest i hate how i look, i hate my personality...the only thing i really like about myself is my body and even thats starting to fail me...
hate how i cant even be the real me on the internet where you can be anyone you want...
i hate the fact that i preach the quote give everyday your best effort and never regret anything...lifes to short to have regrets and anything youve done in your past you enjoyed or wanted to do at the time yet my lifes filled with regrets
i hate the fact that ive been a typical guy before, i have used girls, ive said whatever i needed to say just to get me some...
i hate the fact that im a half assed perfectionist...theres somethings that if i start doin it it has to be finished, it has to be perfect...
i hate the fact that im imperfect and that i dwell on my imperfections when they are things that arent fixable instead of focusing on the good things and improving them
i hate the fact that the only way i can truly express myself is through writing and people still dont understand....
i hate that i cant just sit there and talk with someone face to face about fucked up shit..
i hate the fact that i have feelings and that i push them all down inside of me so they boil and bubble and come out as anger...i hate the fact that i love being an angry person
i hate the fact that there are people like you out there who have been through alot more shit then i have but you can still be optimistic about life....that you can still see the good in things...cuz i sit around feeling sorry for myself instead of doing something about it
i hate the fact that i act like im practically retarded so everyone has lower expectations of me....and moreso i hate the fact that i hurt and upset the people that i care about most because theyve seen and know what im capable of...
i hate being a dissapointment to my friends and family...to those who love me and care about me, who always have and always will......
i hate the fact that suicides always seemed like a reasonable first option when i feel like im about to break....
i hate the fact that as solid as i may seem im as fluid as a river as transparent as a ghost, as soft as a rose petal
i hate the fact that it doesnt matter what the problem is i will fight you tooth and nail to solve it....
i hate the fact i hate me for who i am...i hate me for what i do....i hate me because its so much easier to accept defeat...to be lazy and not change the things i can...
but most of all i hate that hating me doesnt change a damn thing...it doesnt make a lick of difference to anyone anywhere and it doesnt solve a single one of my problems...i hate that i know that and i hate that theres nothing i can do about it...
