gator the comedian and soldier's blog: "Gator's Bitch and Bite"

Well this week for me in my short standup career I had a bad week. First, I blew my set in Baton Rouge and then I did Lucy's last night and bombed. It is a stark and extreme conrast to last week when I nailed it both nights. The set in Baton Rouge happened when I forgot to mention my kitten killing at the beginning of the set and when I went into a joke where I was talking about killing kittens, I realised that I hadn't given the explaination and ended up back tracking. It happens and I'm still new at this comedy thing. I just have to lick my wounds, realise I fucked up, work harder next time, and move on. Last night at Lucy's had a bad omen to it. I had a tough time getting an internet connection established plus the voice feature on yahoo messenger didn't want to cooperate. Then when it came to me to do my set, I went on after a vet of several years and I'm only a vet of two months. That's a tough act to folow along with a tough crowd. I'm upset about bombing, but also it's ok. I find it to be humbling and shows me that I need to work on my act, my whole act. I could use my distractions of the week (a loss of a friend from high school, my college graduation, my possibility of going into the national guard as a 2nd LT) as reasons, but that would be excuses and there is no room for excuses. I bombed and thus I go back and work harder. Ido wish you all a happy holiday season, however, beware of a man in a red suit who breaks into houses and leaves things. He gave me underwear one year when I asked for a Victoria's Secret model. Thus I say Santa was naughty and was an asshole that year. I heard that Rudolph is recovering nicely after an incident with an electric fence. Aparantly his whole body glowed as a result and he should be ok for his anual trek around the world. His gf however has an ass that now glows and she's staying with him despite the red ass. Well, it's time for me to kick back and kill a few kittens and share some egg nog with my pets. J I love you. Gator Remember ladies, it's a good thing if you get a breast exam, if you let me examine them it's even better.

This week is somewhat chaotic and stressful. It was finals week at Nicholls State and I, needing only one class to graduate and thus only taking one class, took my final on Wednesday. I spent most of Monday and practiacally all day Tuesday studying for the final. Practically meaning that I took a 2-1/2 hour study break. I also spent most of my time before the exam on Wednesday studying. You may be asking yourself "what did this fucker do on his study break?" I'll tell you what I did. I relieved a lot of stress and anxiety by doing what comics do, I went on stage and did my set. I went to Phil Brady's and did my gig there. I was the first one on since I had a final the next day that I had to study for. I nailed the performance and then got off stage hugged necks and shook hands. I then went back to ampus to study then went home. The next day I got on campus 2 hours before the final and studied until it was time to start walking to the classroom. Once in the classroom, I studied until I had to put the book away. I don't know yet how I did on the final. However, I will know soon. I am praying that i did well enough to be able to pick up my dergee next saturday. That would be something. You might be able to call me an idiot or a fool, but you can't say I'm an idiot or fool without a degree provided things workout that way. Like I said earlier, I did my set at Phil Brady's in Baton Rouge during my study break on Tuesday and nailed the performance. I followed that up Wednesday night to celebrate finishing my final by going to Lucy's in New Orleans and doing my set there the next night. It was pretty much the same set as at Phil Brady's but I nailed it there as well. I'm glad that I nailed the performance but by no means going to rest on my laurels. I did do something different on Wednesday night. I broadcast my set and the sets of a few other comedians that night on the internet via yahoo messenger using the voice conferncing feature. A big group of two people listened to my set. That is ok and I am not planning on it being the last time. My next set at Lucy's will be broadcast the same way. I do know that I'm going to hae to get better means and equipment to broadcast my show. If anyone reading this blog knows anything on internet radio or broacasting could help me (even sponsor me) in this it wouldbe be greatly appreciated. I'm thinking of not just putting the spotlight on me but also on the other comedians here and to show to th world that humor has returned to New Orleans. Hell, maybe we could call the show "Live From Lucy's" or something. Well, Britney Spears has decided to buy some panties and says she probably has gone a bit too far. Wow, someone taking repsonsibility for their actions? Fuck me, about damned time. Granted, she also has stated that it's part of the new Britney. Thanks Britney for that info. It was fun seeing your c-section scar and your axe wound. Well, you have my number Brit and your cousins in Lafourche Parish say hello. Well, I think I've said enough this week and please pray for me to finally get my degree. I'll be back next time with more fun. So until then... Ladies it's a good thing to get your breasts examined, if you let me examine them it's even better. Gator

This week is finals week and I am hoping to do well enough to pass my class and finaly get my degree. It also happens to be my Baton Rouge week for standup, along with Lucy's on Wednesday. SO I guess you can say I have a plan for the week. Tommorrow get up, study like hell, go take care of my parents' dogs, go to Baton Rouge and do my 4 minute routine. Then I head back to Thibodaux and study some more, go home, get some sleep, then get up and study some more, take my final, sell my book, then head to Lucy's and do my routine there. It may be a crazy and time consuming next couple of days, and some may think it's crazy for me to do standup when I have a final the next day. True it is taking a risk but also it's a welcome break from the studying and also a way to relieve some of the anxiety that I am facing. I know the stress and pressure ahead of me. I do need to study but I also need to go into the final with a relaxed mental state so that I do not crumble from overworking my self into a ulcer inducing state of mind. I have heard of some of what Gwenyth Paltrow had to say about the USA over the weekend. I think she needs to do like Rosie O'Donnell and shut the fuck up. She was saying how bad Americans are for being so "Capitalistic" and how her "fellow" Brits are much better. First off miss high and mighty needing a colonic bimbo, you ARE A FUCKING AMERICAN and we are ashamed of you. If capitalism is so wrong, why did you accept your oscar? If capitalism is so evil, why haven't you given up your money from your films or how about not accepting any form of payment on your future projects. I'm pretty sure if it weren't for capitalism your husband's band wouldn't get any tour dates to make money so you and little Apple wouldn't go starving. Last time I checked, Great Britain was up there iwth the USA, Japan, Germany, and Australia as some of the most captialistic nations on Earth. You say Americans are less intelligent? Um go back to my previous point of YOU ARE A FUCKING AMERICAN and YOU ARE AN ELITIST BITCH the British are good people but they have some people of a lesser intelligence too. You need to wake up, get your husband's nuts out of a jar, open your eyes, and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Sorry for that rant folks but I felt it was needed. I will post soething later in the week to let you all know how my standup is going and all. I see that they are making a spray on condom now. I wonder how the environmentalists feel. Especially the Catholic ones. I'll stick with the roll on varity for now. The last time I sprayed something on my dick it burned for a long time. A burning dick isn't the best of feelings and a burning dick because of sex usually means shots are involved. Ladies, remember getting a breast exam is a good thing, if you let me examine them it's even better Gator

Two weeks ago, I did my standup gig at Lucy's in New Orleans and bombed. Last night, 11/29/2006, I went back and did good. I didn't bomb or kill them but I did get some laughs. It was a good feeing that I came back and did better. That is one thing that I hope stays with me that persistence pays off. I did the same set I did in Baton Rouge last week which had the same effect. No comedian hits it big over night. Many still work their day jobs as they are gaining popularity and making money at it. I'm by no means ready to start making money at standup. Six months or a year from now it may be a different story, but until I am ready for that I need to concentrate to open mic nights and developing my act. One thing I'm learning is the voice I use has an effect as does segues and delivery. My stage voice is also coupled with the fact that I do character voices and impressions as well. My stage voice is more along the lines of like Steve Martin and James P. Connely. The idiot savant/ rythmic type voice (I must reitterate that that's my voice on stage). Mix that with the impressions and character voices, and it does make for a funny combination and can throw the audience off their feet, in a good way. I don't know about you, but I'm getting ready to tell Rosey O-Donnell to shut the fuck up. We are all entitled toour opinions and she does not have any more of a right to be heard than others or tell others "how it is". Her recent bullying of people has made me respect her less. It is because she is too arrogant and a self-righteous snob that I'm losing respect for her not because she is a lesbian. I could care less who she fucks or what she fucks. Speaking of hher and homosexuality. She called Kelly Rippa a homophobe because of what she did with Clay Aken. I thought that homophobic had to do to a fear of someone who is afraid of homosexuals. Last I heard, Clay Aken insisted that he was NOT gay. That doesn't mean he won't come out further down the road, but until he does we should take him at his word and it's not some pious fat bitch who decides who is and isn't gay. But then again, I now realise it wasn't so much rejection and repulsion as to why I wasn't getting positiv responses from women, it's because you are homophobes. (just a joke, I am not gay and as far as I know you ladies out there are not homophobes) Anyhow, Rosey should think about this before opening her mouth. She emasculated Tom Selleck for his pro-gun stance and then she revealed that she has her children taken to school by armed body guards. OK, so she is not only conceited but a hypocrit as well. So, since I don't think I'll be on The View anytime soon (or ever by that matter) I shall say to Rosey O'Donnel make like a hermaphodite and go fuck yourself. OK, enough of the ranting and now back to some funny shit. The tape of Britney Spears having sex does not exist in the official capacity. Well, to be honest I'm pretty glad. If I want to see Britney having sex, I'd prefer it be while I'm having sex with her or if I'm looking through binocculars while she's at her house in Kentwood. (It's about 2 hours away from me, just kidding Britney if you read this. If you are reading this Britney, my phone number is 985-xxx-1023. Call me I don't give a damn about being famous) Well, I guess I'll see you in this spot next week. I'm Gator and ladies remember it's a good thing to get a breast examination. if you let me do it, it's even better.

Well, Thanksgiving is upon us in the USA again. Canadians celebrated last month. I think that is so they can get a jump on us Americans.(that is a joke, I love you Canadians, and everyone by that matter). Tommorrow is the day we put a big bird in the oven, eat it, and explain to the kids why Sesame Street ws cancelled due to the loss of one of their biggest stars. We also waddle our overstuffed bodies to the tv and watch endless hours of football, this year we will have four games to watch. Most of all, this is a day we are supposed to be thankful. One thing I am thankful for is that we live ina country where we take advantage of our right to free speech. We can play armchari quarterback to anything in society. Most people do that towars our leaders. Since we are in the middle of a war that is losing popularity by the second, I feel we need to give thanks to the men and women fighting this waar in order to keep our nation free and to ensure freedom to those who are experiencing it for the first time. OK, enough of the sappy fuck a tree peace mongerer right wing conspiracy, let's get to the comedy. Last night I did my bit at Phil Brady's in Baton Rouge. I didn't kill them, but I did get some good laughs. It is definitely good to get laughs,especially since you are doing a standup act. Well I thought I'd share my views on a current event. In Tampa, they made what is believed to be the world's largest cigar. If it is recognized as such by the Guiness Book of World Records People, it will beat the previous record by over 20 feet in length and 20 lbs.. The previous record was set last year in Cuba, if Tampa gets the record that will show Castro. On a side note, they plan on making the world's bigest blunt after the guiness people are done certifying the cigar. The only problem is that it will probably be smoked by the time the Guiness people return to certify the world's biggest blunt. Well, I need to get going. I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving and an even better holiday weekend. Remember not to drink too much egg nog. Don't be a Mr. Creosote. If you want to find out what I mean about being a Mr. Creosote, watch Monty Pythons Meaning Of Life. Remember laides that it is a good thing to get a breast examination, even better if you let me examine them. Gator

Since I've decided to use my blog space as a platform to let you all in on how my standup career is going, I figure i'll let you know how I did this past wednesday. I bombed. It is the most dreaded, expected, feared, and welcomed experience in a comedian's career. It happens in comedy. You go on stage, you tell your funny jokes and stories, and all of a sudden the tumbleweeds start rolling. This finally happened to me. It is very humbling. I could analyse and overanalyse why I bombed until I get blue in the face but nothing changed the fact that I bombed. There are one of two things I could do as a result, one is to give up on my standup career and just say it was shitty, or go the second (and best) route which is pick myself up, go out there again, and make them laugh again. I am going to bomb again. When and where it happens, I do not know. But every comedian bombs. When you look at two of the best in the business, I'll use George Carlin (50+ years in the business) and Jerry Seinfeld (30+ years) they still bomb Even Robin Williams still bombs. Seinfeld actually has loads of material on bombing. Yet theses guys still go up there and make them laugh. I'm still very muh new in comedy. So, it is kind of expected that I bomb. I'm developing and testing my material and refining my routine(s) to where I am comfortable and going with what can give me the most consistent laughs. That is how a career is made and it takes years to build a career. Freddy Prinze (Freddie Prinze Jr.'s dad who was a comedian to those who are unfamiliar with the elder prinze) bombed horribly his first time out on stage. He went to an open mic night at catch a rising star in NYC. This venue has produced many of the seasoned vets and still churns out great comedians (alumni include Richard Belzer, Jerry Seinfeld, the late Dennis Wolfberg, among many). Anyhow, Freddie Prinze had bombed so badly afer his first gig that he attempted suicide. I it weren't for a friend catching him in the last second to stop him, the world and prinze would hve never realised how funny of a many he was. Sadly, he did succeed in committing suicide in 1977, but it was not because he bombed on stage. So, I'm going to go on stage Tuesday night in Baton Rouge, use some new material and some "older" stuff and hope to make them laugh. I've realised, that some of the funniest material comes from my environs. I'll let you all know how it went and I'll keep trying to bust a nut to bust some guts. Remember ladies to get a breast exam is good, if you let me examine them it's even better. Gator

Well, last week I did two shows. 3 minutes at Phil Brady's in Baton Rouge and 4 minutes at Lucy's in New Orleans. I'm really enjoying doing standup. It definitely saves me a lot of money in therapists' bills and is something that I enjoy doing. I am not worried about a career in comedy, but wouldn't stay away from it if it happens. I'm still learning the biz and how to do bits. Bombing isn't something I'm too worried about. Jerry Seinfeld has made millions of dollars and millions of laughs in a his 30 years in the business and still bombs. George arlin has been in it for over 50 years and the same is said about him. I have been fortunate in getting laughs. In the mean time, I'm still working on my act and trying to get a style and groove that works and see where it goes. I could do like Carlin and let it evolve, in fact most comedians' acts are evolutions in progress. One thing I do know is funny is funny regardess of the trends. The Three Stooges still make me laugh even though I've been seeing their films for over 30 years and their films rnge from over 50 to 70 years in age. Making folks laugh is what I love doing. Making people happy is also what I love doing. Maybe one day you might see me on HBO or Comedy Central, then again maybe not. I just have to just keep going and see where things lead me. if you read this post and happen to be in New Orleans on Wednesday night or in Baton Rouge next Tuesday night, drop in Lucy's (New Orleans on wed) or Phil Brady's (Batonr Rouge tues) and come see me and other up nd coming comedians perform our acts on stage. Some are good, some (like me) are still very new at it and are working on thier acts, and some are not so good but are still working to build their acts. It is worth the $5 cover charge at both places and worth the time to encourage funny folks to follow their dreams and ambitions. Remember, every time you mastrubate God kills a kitten. Well I'm off to kill a few kittens and to work on my act and my school work (I'm anticipating graduating on December 16th. Ladies remember it's good to have your breasts examined and if you let me examine them, it's even better. Guys you are on your own if you're looking for a prostate exam. **Side Note: I lost a close freind and mentor last week. I took the news hard. Norm Swanner owned sports bar that was an institution in Thibodaux, Louisiana. He touched the lives of everyone he met. His tailgating parties before Nicholls State football games were rivaled by nobody, his generosity was endless, and his devotion to make the Bayou Region a better place was definitely fulfilled. He always greeted guys by saying, "How ya doing big boy." He spoke with a stutter and one day in 1998 he asked a student sitting in a Culinary 101 class at Nicholls State University to come up and read an inscription on a coffe mug titled "A Chef's Prayer" the student read the inscrition and Mr. Norm told that student to keep the mug. I still have that mug 8 years later and I wish I could be at least half the man Mr. Norm was. He may have not had the big bucks, but he gave what he could and encouraged others to give as well, he may have been felled by a heart attack but his heart was bigger than anyone I have ever met. Norman Swanner 1950-2006 You will be missed. I'm sure when he walked up to the gates of heaven and saw God for the first time he probably went to God and sadi, "How ya doing big boy?"

OK, to my TAP family, friends, and fans I have been having net access problems over the past week and that is why you haven't seen much of me. I haven't faded in the sunset. I have been around and been up to doing my standup bit. Last night (11/07/06) I went on stage again at Phil Brady's in Baton Rouge. Since it was only my secodn time on stage there and my third overall my A material is all my material. Also, I went on after a great comedienne who hit her material and killed (to those unfamiliar with standup that means had a great set and had the crowd roaring with laughter). The three comedians before her were killing them as well. Without trying to make any excuses or sound like I'm making an excuse, My best material is at maybe a 6 or 7 compared to theirs being a 10. In otherwords, I was following a tough act. I can't say I bombed, well mayne I hit an asprin factory. Bombing in comedy happens. Ask the most seasoned and successful comedians, even the best in thie biz like George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, Dennis Miller, Dennis Leary, and whoever else you can think of who do standup for a living and they will all say that they have bombd and continue to bomb. I did get some laughter but it wasn't as well received as the previous act. My inexperience showed yet again, however, I did better than the previous time according to some. I know I need to reherse my material more, keep going at it, and not give up. I am by no means dissappointed with my performance last night. Ther eis sort of an instinct among those who are considered naturally funny or a "sixth sense" of knowing when to cut the set short. I cut my set short last night. I wasn't pissed off or saddened. I just realised that it just wasn't my night on stage. Like a proud and noble warrior, I'm gloing to go back on stage tonight. This tie it is at Lucy's in New Orleans. It's another open mic night and another chance to test, polish, and share my material. I'm probably going to do my cats and dogs bit, my colonic bit, and my daffy duck getting laid bit. Sometimes I end up with a set list on paper and in my head and by the time I hit the stage I've ended up changing my set some. Some of the best in the business do that. Robin Wiliams, George Carlin, and Drew Carey are among those who often change their set as they go. Well, I'm still learning the game and thus I must work on the actual work and not go by the textbook. A career takes years to build. That is true in just about every field of work, especially in the entertainment field. Well, folks I probably have bored you shitless by now and so I'll just get to the funny stuff then leave it to you folks to dissectd, comment on, and all. To you ladies out there, I am better than a rodeo cowboy because my rides last longer than 8 seconds guaranteed. If I fail to meet my guarantee you get to kick me in the nuts for free. Also remember that it is good to get a breast exam, even better if you let me to the eamination. Guys, do get your prostates checked but you're on your own there. Every time you mastrubate, God kills a kitten. Thus I have been responsible for the deaths of many kittens and Britney Spears has caused many a man to kill a few kitties. Opinions are like assholes everbody has one, they're usually full of shit, and frequently stink.

Tonight I was at an open mic night in Baton Rouge and did a 5 minute standup bit. It was my second attempt at it. Folks laughed but I definitely showed my lack of experience. I had fun and hopefully I can do more attempts. I was nervous as a chihuahua with the DT's but if I didn't do it what would have happened? nothing. It isn't easy but also, it was good. The main thing I need to do is work on my act more and develop it then go back for more. Some things were easy laughs and I used an old burlesque joke that had them rolling. One of the easiest topics is talking about the differences between men and women. I shied away from the racial and political stuff because it can be a sensitive subject if you don't know the crowd. You could go from laughs to being strung up in a heart beat. Well, I'm going to work on some more material and come up with some good captions for my pics in here. Love y'all you folks been great. Remember ladies, it's a good thing to have a breast exam and even better if you let me examine them.