"Journal daily....embed the emotions into the parchment and ink so that it becomes a testimony rather than baggage."
I saw that on someone's web site and I really liked it and it makes a lot of sense. So I thought about it a bit and decided that I really should try and adhere to that ... or at least update this journal since its been awhile. Since I never know where to start I'm just going to pick a place and start so this will end up the usual jumbled assortment of my thoughts. Have a little faith...that is so hard sometimes ...especially when I've been conditioned to believe that the sky is constantly falling on me...and usually it is. I did come across a song and some of the lyrics were those wow lyrics...
Oh but dont bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Crazy..theres a word I know a lot about :
crazy:
Adjective
Inflected forms: crazier, craziest 1. Affected with madness; insane. 2. Informal Departing from proportion or moderation
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I am crazy, my head's not always clear and it gets confused..but somewhere in there I always know I'm not...at least not clinically. Because I always know somewhere inside of me that I'm not even when its all crashing down around me and I am cracking..I know I won't crack. Ok so that is on my sane days on the days I've driven myself to insanity and those around me to the point of insanity I consider just caving in...giving in to it all whatever that entails. Im not crazy I'm just a little lost right now..can't see the answers through the haze. I've got to face change and not be so afraid of it...maybe if I could accomplish that I wouldn't feel so lost. I'm looking for the easy answer to a complicated question. I know I've got to have faith..faith that things can be happy and faith that someone will love me ..and I'm trying to I'm still figuring out how this all works. If I'm honest I love someone but I think he stopped loving me. That hurts especially when they promised they would never hurt me and would always be honest. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me and what I did so wrong ... It's a confusing thing considering I havent' even gotten my divorce finalized yet. But the marriage has been over for so damn long I can't even remember it being normal. Jess really wants me to move to Colorado when things are all settled here. I'm really thinking about it..there is more to here than this little corner of the world. I dunno I think I'll end this now and just add more when the mood to write hits again. Thats what's nice about a blog... you can always come back
