So, I dropped my college classes today. I swear I feel more retarded by doing that then I think I have ever felt doing anything else. I just feel like I could have been stronger or tried harder, maybe just gone through with the classes and failed miserably then just dop them. I hate being a failure, and disappointing people. I know I have and it kills me to be less than what they think of me. I feel like right now there is a huge F on my forehead that everyone can see, I hate not being good enough or at least adequate. What I dislike more than that is realizing that I am, and I am in soo many areas of my life right now. I never thought I would be where I am right now, I didnt picture this in my life. I expected so much more from myself, I am just this huge let down that disappoints everyone including myself and I hate it. I finally come somewhat closer to achieving my goal of becoming a Teacher and being able to help kids and work with them....my dream, and what do I do? I fuck it up, I back out, I whimp out, I drop out. Whyyyyyy am I sooo screwed up? Why cant I handle the stress what the FUCKKKKKK is wrong with me? It is ridiculous what a loser I am at the moment. It makes me realize why I am not good enough for someone at the moment, why I will never be good enough for them. I have prided myself in being somewhat smart and this is the dumbest thing I have done.....what now? What the fuck do I do now? Its pathetic really, I am working at fucking Wal*Mart no closer to what I really want in life at any aspect. Ridiculous....just ridiculous.
