So I was driving home from dinner last night, and I was just thinking...random thoughts really. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere it hit me, why I am the way I am with guys. It all goes back to my father, I mean I knew he had some effect on how I am around guys but I just didn't know how much. Whenever I am around my father, I guess the easiest way to put it is I flirt with him. At least the way I flirt with guys in real life, not a sexual kind of flirt, but a look at me kind of flirt. It is disgusting really, but I am always trying to prove to him that I am good enough to be his daughter. That is what I do with guys, try to prove that I am good enough for them to talk to, or to be with. In both areas I have failed miserably. I am glad I have figured this out, but at the same time I am worried...how the hell am I suppose to fix this, or change this. I honestly couldn't care less about my father at this moment, he isn't and hasn't been there for me and I am tired of his shit. The thing I am worried about it carrying this into future relationships, I dont want this to effect me forever, but I just don't know how to change it.
