Insane MelodyPanda's blog: "lol"

I think I am going to runaway from my mind, today. Everytime I try to think of a happy subject a dreadful one comes in and take that away.
  Go figure, right?
I have changed so much since I have moved to Michigan(1992), I am dreading the person that I have become. I had values. I was easy to get along with. Never did I talk back  to my folks{Always to scared to} .If I had a bill I took care of that right away as fast as I can.  I was funny and goofy~still am at times. Okay, just plain weird to some now.  I didn't care who was judging me, but I was always trying to be friends...No one  really put me in some "Classification" Before ....graduation..  I  had all in me.. nerd,prep--not clothing,jock-sort of...maybe.. does one time being on powder puff count?.., choirs-girls,acapella,mixed,drama club--okay 2 months for that but was in drama class my senior year,.I was considered a head(pot-head) because I dressed most of the time as one(tried once or twice.. didn't see the big deal,, drank, hung out with some of the crowd,punk-because of the dark multiple-eye shadows and changing hair colors all the time...goofball,class clown, because I was always trying to make some one laugh.. tried harder when some one was having a bad day...Never hated anyone... Now..... shit happens... life..


 I trusted a few with my life,soul,heart,and all the  stupid material things,..

I  hate three people, and that is putting it lightly..
 Noooooooooo.. no one on here..,,,yet  ~Sticks tongue out~

I am still considered,goofy and nice... but I do not try so hard anymore...
At work to some I am,, to  others.. Bossy,mean-they say no but I hear things...
Moody.. I don't give a rats butt..
I am mostly a grouch and most of the time..unapproachable..Not good for being in retail.. (Fake smiles help)
I trust  only a few family members with my life.... some of them, barely
The friends I have,, yes  they are okay to hang out with, but do I trust them driving me from a bar.?? Hell To The NO!
Most of the time I am the designated driver.

Waiting for something to go through.. and tired of waiting..
Tired of being used,hurt stepped on..
I have built a wall up ,so thick... if your one of the ones that made it through,aren't you scared yet?
I tend to push people away without realizing I am doing so.
 

My  dreams were so big that they  shadowed...
My hopes were so up there that they shattered
 My conscious,,, said so what.. and said.. "Good-bye"