Georgia Rose's blog: "DRUNKS REQUIRED"

Da Yoopers ~ Grandpa Got Run Over By A Beer Truck ! Sing-a-Long: GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY 1. GRANDPA WAS OUT DRINKING WITH THE FLOOZIES SPENDING ALL OF GRANDMA'S HARD EARNED DOUGH HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY THE BAR TAB SO WOODY TOSSED HIM OUT INTO THE SNOW 2. GRANDPA STOOD THERE FROZEN IN THE HEAD LIGHTS HE LOOKED JUST AS HELPLESS AS A DEER I DON'T THINK HE WAS AFRAID OF DYING I THINK HE WAS AFRAID HE'D SPILL HIS BEER (REPEAT CHORUS) 3. WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT HE'D END UP AS A ROAD KILL SHE FLATTENED HIM RIGHT OUT ON THE CENTER LINE HE COULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE CURB IF HE WERE QUICKER BUT SHE BACKED IT UP AND SQUASHED HIM ONE MORE TIME 4. GRANDMA CRIED AND CRIED AT GRANDPA'S FUNERAL NOT BECAUSE WE PEELED HIM OFF THE ROAD ALL THE LOOT SHE GOT FROM HIS INSURANCE WENT TO PAY THE BAR TAB THAT HE OWED (REPEAT CHORUS)

Christmas Cookie Ingredients: > > > > 1 cup of water > > 1 tsp baking soda > > 1 cup of sugar > > 1 tsp salt > > 1 cup of brown sugar > > lemon juice > > 4 large eggs > > 1 cup nuts > > 2 cups of dried fruit > > 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila > > > > Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the > > Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one > > level cup and drink. > > > > Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy > > bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. > > > > At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try > > another cup .. just in case. > > > > Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck > > in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor... > > > > Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers > > just pry it loose with a drewscriver. > > > > Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsist icity. > > > > Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. > > > > Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your > > nuts. > > > > Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. > > Whatever you can find. > > > > Greash the oven. > > > > Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. > > > > Don't forget to beat off the turner. > > > > Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and > > make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher. > > > > CHERRY MISTMAS

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's with that brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gongan ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It's 3:15 in the morning!"