Iron Butterfly's blog: "Life"

I was out last night. Tryin to have a good time. Friend of mine pulled me down on his lap as my ex bf walked through the door. I went up to the bar and got my drink and spoke to him and told him I'd save him a dance. Well as I walked back, my buddy pulled me back down on his lap just goofin off. Well my ex left. I (against better judgement) went out after him. I guess it hurt him to see me on another man's lap, but again he doesnt know what he wants because he still loves his ex wife even though now he's decided that he doesnt want her. but still doesnt have the answers to what he wants in life in spite of the fact I was good to him and he cares about me.

Aint that something? To know that your ex who you love so much and would take back in a split second has decided he wont be happy no matter where he goes until he has answers for his fucked up head and that I should be able to ease my concience that he never once thought of his ex while we were together (which I told him should have said something) but he still went to bed loving her.

And that he can look straight in my eyes and tell me he cares about me very much and he doesnt know if i'll ever have him back because he isnt sure he wants anyone ever again because of how fucked up he is in the head. that he realizes he gave up a good thing, but that he cant be with anyone including me til he straightens his own head out. But when he gets to that point he hopes he isnt too late to make it up to me IF in the end i'm the one he wants at all.

GOD what do I do... I love the friggin idiot. Im so confused... do I go ahead and try to move on, or keep waiting for him to make up his mind?