Today is was a bad day and tomorrow will be worse. I have lost all control over everything. My heart is broken, my girls are fighting, my dog is restless, I want to die. Today is was a bad day. I had to stop my daughters from fighting, and I had to send one child away so the fighting can stop. Now I'm really in trouble. I don't know what to do next. I have so much to do,, and I don't have any way of doing it. My friend came by, the one I said I was going to have sex with, he didn't come for that, he came to give me a shoulder to cry on. Sex wasn't on his mind and I really appreciate that, sex is not what I want, I don't know what the Hell I want anymore. I had a goal, a plan, but because of this, all that has changed. My friend asked me if I had called the Mister, I told him nothing to say to him, I don't want to have to say anything to him. I just want to stop wanting him. 9.5 years is a long time and just to give it up like this is harder than I thought. I want to go home., but I don't have one. I wish I could just end it all.
Until
