TWILLY's blog: "Others speak for me so much better"

Details I forgot to mention in part 1 that will resonate in part 2:

-The "traverse" with strangers over the hill involved skinny paths that required scooting along down on our asses and sometimes sliding...there was a couch that we all had to climb over too...important only because it is refered to later.

-There was a hanging walk bridge that was destroyed but I could see the devastation below at that point....huge tire tracks like a monster truck with 1/4 mile wide wheels that left trenches in mud...we were so tiny in comparrison but I thought it was odd that there was no fire or dead bodies...just huge tire tracks

-There is weird vignette about an old bf that I am still friends with that I haven't figured out yet so if I give details now it will just cloud the point....I have it written in a notebook but it will distract if I include it now...doubt that it has any bearing as to what the spider is trying to tell me...but I have it recorded just in case lolololol....I always make sure that info is available to me regardless.

So now I am on a similar RIDGE but it is concrete instead of earthen...I see the couch ahead and say to myself "that is the same couch as in my dream".....so I PAY ATTENTION. I notice we are all sliding on our butts and need to jump across roof tops sometimes to follow the path but it is all sharper...more corners.....more concrete....no crumbling moss. I come to a fire escape and yell to everyone STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...and they DO. I see the young curly blonde stranger start to raise his white hanky with a grin and I yell STOP!!!!!!!!!!!.....PUT THE HANKY ON YOUR HEAD TO HOLD DOWN YOUR HAT!!!!!!!!! I see him there with both hands on his head and the hanky draped cockeyed over half of his face but still with that innocent puppy like grin and I know he will not die today. I am next to a fire escape all of a sudden and I sit on the edge of it and start to cry and hyperventilate. The people with me KNOW me this time and they are panicked...they have NEVER seen me cry and ask frantically "WHAT IS WRONG???" I tell them that nothing is wrong...that I had a dream and that I just saved that kids life...and that I was guarding the fire escape so no one could climb up. And I felt like the morning that my Mother killed herself....in my gut. RL now...sitting out on front steps waiting for the police to arrive smoking a cigarette because I couldn't stand being in the house with my stupid sisters. As I was smoking a car that was driving down the street stopped literally 1 door away from me with smoke coming out of the hood. They got out, opened the hood and flames came rolling out. I was so exhausted from dealing with the energy RIPPED from me by being forced to help in her suicide & protect my stupid sisters from liability when the cops came that I just watched from the stoop....uncharacteristcally not jumping up to help. They would be fine. They got out of the car....none of my business. I never cried when Mother died and I never will. But I BAWLED in that dream when I saved that kid who I have seen at least 3 times die in my dreams. Why would I cry when I COULD save someone (and more btw because I was standing guard at the fire escape so psycho boy couldn't climb up) and NOT cry when I COULDN'T save someone? I can't answer that....I need help with that.