They say the only two certainties in life are "death and taxes". Not true, everything changes..change its self is certain. Everything is certain to change in some way.
In your way of thinking, living, talking and dealing...everything changes. Some of these changes are quite apparent immedietly. Obvious to all...like a new haircut, or a new car . We change the things we can to feel better about ourselves and keep moving. Because if we stop moving there comes a certainty...death. Maybe not in the physical sense, but we die a little inside when we aren't doing something..anything to stay awake and aware to the world and all things around us. But what happens when we keep moving in a new direction in a pace too fast to see whats being passed by...forgotten, never to be returned to. We see only a blur, a glimpse of whats ahead of us. Not really knowing what we are running towards. So at this point I have to contradict myself. STOP....look around. Take it all in and BREATHE!!! Let a part of yourself you dont like die instead. It doesn't always have to be something good inside dying. Let go of something you don't need.
I've been running now for awhile and have no idea where i am anymore. I hardly have any connection with the world surrounding. I don't really know where anyone stands anymore, because i've had my head down running in a tunnel of mere work and sleep. I feel disconnected from my friends and loved ones. If I don't know where I stand..how can I possibly know where they stand anymore. Changes..
Change changes everything! lol
I'm not sure what i'm really trying to say here. Just that I miss something and am feeling like i'm pressing to keep moving but find myself standing still at the same time.
Could be that life has jumped on to the next person in line. I had a good run for awhile and have to just tread water till my turn for fun and enlightenment comes back around again. For now, i'll keep working, sleeping, eating and making love in all senses of the word...can't just stop living you know. Don't want to risk missing my next turn in the line of changes to come my way. You never know what you'll see and feel next time. It's kind of exciting when you think of it that way I suppose. It's like scratching a whole bunch of losing lottery tickets and then winning something big. Enjoy it! Do with it as you will and make it last as long as you can...because you don't win the lottery everyday. I've been fortunate enough to win a few times. I won the love of my life whom enchants my every sense and treats me like gold. And a best friend that tops the charts in comparison to any other i've ever known (a wonderful woman of course). My work is somewhere around where i want it...and thats saying something!
So in all regards...I'm not sad or depressed...just waiting for that one ticket...might be I just need to diversify and spread myself out more. "buy more tickets" so to speak...
I wasn't really able to fully say what I was trying to...but then again I didn't walk in here with any direction. Just let my fingers talk for me. Maybe i'll figure it out and get back to you later on that one.
Night kids~
~Wayne~
