Im A Winner At A Losing Game's blog: "Why??"

I never thought in my dreams the guy I was with say to meohthe baby is not mine. you cheated on me. Damnit! I give up now. I go sometime in October to find out how far along i am. Thsi otta be fun. I may turn out to be a single parent. I will never get rid of it even tho he may want that. Never ever!

I am getting sick of living in a area where you can get away with having a meth lab in your basement and the town cops do shit about it. All they do is sit on their lazy asses and eat their nice fresh donuts. I am sick of our neighbors blocking us in to where we cnat get out and nothing being done about it. The cops say we dont have any pictures or anything to go on but your word so we cant do shit about it. As I said before get off your lazy asses and get over there and look. I am trying hard here not to have a breakdown but they are getting on my nerves. Nothing like having a meth lab next to you so you can brethe in the toxic and get high. Its gotten to the point where I hardly even go outside anymore at night(since they do that then). I am tired of their drug deals and party to where I cant get out of my own driveway cause they have the alley blocked. I guess its time to take matters into my own hands and its gonna be a messy situation. Any car that is behind me from now on I am not gonna try and move around it I'm just gonna go right into reverse and hit them as hard as I can. Maybe if I do that they will learn not to park there anymore damnit. Okay, I think I have blown off some steam.

I am fired now. I watched this little boy for a friend of my mom's because she was having trouble so now she fired me cause she said she was gonna pay me on Friday and she never did. I wouldn't make a big deal if I didnt need the money but I do. Which makes me sad that I am now jobless. She owes me over a 100 dollars. Grrr..... Why do I always get played and fucked over??

I just don't understand. I feel really low right now.

I didnt mean to hurt him and he didnt mean to hurt me. I'm so lost. He hurt me. He compares me to others he has had before me. He called me a cunt...a whore...a slut...a bitch...how do I know he really mean it? I look at his picture and I cry. I cry...I don't sleep...I haven't ate very much. Him hitting me should be a wake up call but it makes me think more and more. I just am so confuse and lost.