Darrrsea's blog: "why is this happening?"

Hello everyone...I need to ask a huge favor! I have a paper due in a month and I have to interview someone in the criminal justice system: I can choose from: a Judge, Criminal defense attorney, Procecutor, Probation officer, parole officer, fraud investigator, correction officer, correction counselor, juvenile justic counselor, federal law enforcement officer, police officer, correction officer. please please let me know! I want to hand this thing in early and get a good grade!!!!! I will love you forever! lol.

apparently I'm not good enough to be loved till the day that I die. I'm not loved enough to want to be committed to. apparently 2.5 years of a 3 yr relationship with me is just pure hell, gotta warn all you guys out there now, I guess I'm just not worth it! just pissed off...and really disappointed.

so I lost my right front tooth last wednesday and spent the majority of that night in the hospital because they thought I had multiple head injuries...but no, just my tooth shot straight out of my mouth..didn't hurt... so anyways I went to the denist for an emergency appt the next day (last thurs) and when they told me they coulnd't put my tooth back in I cried for about 10 minutes...lol. and then they told me to give them a mold of my mouth and to come back in 4 hrs so I could get something put in that space so I wouldn't look like a redneck.. I didn't know what to expect...so instead of going home I went to my friend Dawn's house and hung out with her..tryin to get my mind off the fact my fucking smile was busted.. so 4 hrs later I went back to the dentist and in 30 seconds they were like "just pop this thing in" it looks like a retainer with a little white thing on the end...well when it's out of the mouth it just doesn't look like anything..so they popped it in my mouth and holy shit, I looked whole again!!!!!!!!! they matched the false flap tooth to exactly what my permanent looked like. I am just so freaking happy that technology today has come so far as to make sure I don't have to live with a missing tooth! and I have never wanted to smile more before than I do now! I LOVE it!!!!! ps. comments on my pics labled 3/13 would be appreciated..because that's my new smile!!!!!!!! I'd love to hear what you all think! ;)

Sometimes the hours in a day are just not good enough... No matter how slow time may seem as your vision burns into the clock... the saddening reality then sets in.... All that time we watch the clock tick away... All those times we are anxious for minutes yet to come.. All that time then has been nothing but a sheer waste of what is to come. But then one must ask ones self... Why watch the clock tick for another time? Why be anxious then for another hour yet to come? Why do we dread the minutes? Minutes are much more precious than the hour... without the minutes the hour doesn't exist. So why generalize the time in a day.. when the true details are left ignored. The details....are the precious minutes that lead to the hour.. The hour is then the result of 60 individual minutes... 1,440 minutes in a day of 24 hours..... 1,440 details to fill each and every day.. There are many more minutes in a day than there are hours... The minutes in a day are more than good enough... so tell me, do you live by the hour? Or do you live life through the details? Poetry by Darrrsea first posted in Livejournal, user arizonasfury in June 2004.

Words can't even begin to justify me about how profoundly I do love thee..... <3 Eric. To the world, I am but one person. To other people, I am just one of many. It is said that "I am but one in the same." If this is to be a fact, then why does the mind believe itself to be 'unique' Why then do we choose to always compare ourselves to the others? Such irony however, to then see classification...and or our prejudice nature. Mysteriousness comes from others in which we are left ignorant about. Such ignorance that brings meaning to the words which we use to describe such mysteriousness "weird, strange, unique" The very nature of the human mind then is quite perplexing. In theory, it may be explained by our compare and contrast nature.. oh the irony of the mind... How it claims to be of an individual, but also trying to fit in with the 'others' The very nature of this brings me to ponder haunting question "If one is to be unique, why try to be one in the same?" What then are we truely to believe? because the mind is confused as to what it concieves. The relenting question remains.... but then my place in the world it seems.. I am but one person to the world I am but one of many to other people "I am just one in the same" as they say.. Person + unique = I am but a unique person this was taken from my LJ poetry I wrote back in 2004. username: Arizonasfury

and as I sit here.....I'm able to ponder a great many things... my mind seems to be recapturing the compassion within us.....as though to will my mind to memorize every feeling.....every moment I am with you. As much as life has been so violent...chaotic and forever changing....for this moment...rather, in this moment....time has frozen. I am living within a moment... and it is for these kinds of moments that I live for...for that I strive to be in existance... In a world that will someday be forgotten....and cease to exist....it is us as human beings that make the meaning of life so incredibly valuable. Have you ever truely thought of it? what it all means? We didn't survive on our physical beings....but with our minds as our guides. And it is with our minds...that we have grown farther beyond nature and into a material world....even so.....even if our values have changed.... the fact is.... that no matter how long we are here....no matter if all of humanity will someday be extinguished....it is for this moment that matters....We as human beings have this great ability to think....to speak... to rationalize and have an amazing gift... the gift of emotion. And with that, we have mastered the true meanings of life...of our exisitance in the physical world. I've pondered this many a time...and this has nothing to do with any sort of higher belief of mine...but rather....my belief that no matter if we will all be forgotten...at least we will know that when we were alive...sharing this world....what we meant to eachother...who we were when we once were fortunate to rein the lovely Earth that we have all come to know...to thrive within. I know that no matter what happens to me, or to human kind....that in the end....we will be remembered....in spirit.....

lately I feel like I'm trying so hard to even get his attention......*sigh* the last 3 yrs we've been so good together and we lived together and that made us even stronger...now that we are in 2 different places cuz of his job and me being at school....he doesn't even try to make an effort to see me! he claims i should go there more...etc but he gets 3 days off in a row...I NEVER have a day completely to just go over there and see him..... so what does he fucking do this weekend? he goes home which is 5 hrs away (both our families live there) and tells me he will come back monday (today) and see me before he heads home, seeing as I'm on the way.....so he just calls me at 445 to tell me "yea I'm just eating dinner with my parents and I'll be off" and I'm just so pissed/upset...why couldn't he just have left early this morning and come see me and ACTUALLY have an almost 24 hr period of time with me?! WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG?! his idea of coming to see me is to come at the most inconvienent time...(10 fucking pm) when I'm getting ready for bed and he knows that. I'm just so upset. so freaking upset.