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After writing some of this in an email to a friend of mine this morning, i realized i'd never spilled my heart this eloquently before... so i'm posting portions of the email here for all to read my depressed mood in black & white:
I've spent 10 years watching my husband slowly morph into a man i don't know, a man i can't love... an emotionally abusive, hypocritical man that lets his anger push him to leave bruises on my heart and my face when he can't get his point across... the eminem/rhianna song "love the way you lie" is my life... i try to leave and he apologizes, i stay and we go right back to the hurt... he'll never actually let me leave... he'd kill me emotionally if not physically to keep me from being with someone else... and every day i fall more in love with a man i'm scared i'll never in this life have because i don't want my daughters to grow up without their mother...
I know my husband feels pain, hates seeing me potentially falling in love with someone else in front of his eyes... the difference is he doesn't want to do anything to change things, he just wants me to stay and change myself instead... i have a feeling some of you guys would do anything and everything in your power to get back what you had. He doesn't even try to make me WANT to stay... we haven't slept in the same room in months, and even when i do sleep in bed with him, i can be completely naked and he STILL won't roll over and touch me... so what's the point? why should i bother?
