i sit in this wheelchair
as if in trance,
watching,
contemplating,
calculating,
the shadows
that trees and moonlight,
partners in crime
have thrown,
cast,
and chained
upon these walls,
the wind makes them seem
like still pictures
of prisoners
heaving,
breathing,
suddenly coming to life…
pictures of desertion,
abandonement,
the sad stillness
that lurks in the the dark corners
of the ancient cells whence they came from…
And as they step into the light
the rest of this fragile image
melts into nothingness
at the very first note
of curses and screams,
that headlights of passing traffic
blare and echo into the night…
this illusion, this delusion…
it leaves me numb
dumb
stupefied…
this darkness,
this stillness,
this screaming silence,
engulfs me,
eats me,
and suffocates me…
when will i be free?
i sit still
in the quiet darkness…
alone…
smiling…
tears frantically running
to reach their destination:
the soiled bedroom floor
that my face caressed
with a thousand careless blows,
and thousands more of frantic falls—–
from this tower
of useless
power…
alloy frame,
race-car wheels,
leather seat,
rubber-duckie handles and all…
i shake the shackles,
of invisible metal
that bind my hands and feet,
trying to shake off
this dire feeling of helplessness
and defeat—–
my grip on the armrest
threatens to draw blood
from cracking veins on my brow…
i scream…
i curse
the shadows…
i curse
this imagined freedom
from nurses,
and needles,
freedom from this flesh
and limb-eating numbness.
i curse
this f****** wheelchair
that confines and chains me,
the very same moment they promise to take me places…
the shadows…
they come and go,
they MOVE—–
as i blindly type these lines
immobility…
+
stilness
=
tranquility?
wrong, very wrong…
the sum is:
LiViNG DEATH…
get me out of this wheelchair, Quick!!!
i want to play tag with the shadows…
… final edit november 18, 2008
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