Stunderman's blog: "Lunatic Poetry"

  I was a long-haired fellow working on a construction crew Id been there two weeks and along comes this kid I will call Nate(I'm 42 at the time he is 20 years younger) Between the stoners, the druggies and a Boss that was a decent man but liked to scream and Hollar at a bulky piece of equipment-I didn't quite know where to fit in just yet. I was getting fast friends with a man about my age named John and when we worked out of town we would room together. John and I hit it off right away for we had much in common music being at the top. Nate for some reason at the time HATED my guts.Im rather used to this in my life but this had me puzzled at first-My perception was at a low point as I was getting out of a bad marriage and not dealing with life very well. First time I laid eyes on Nate he was glaring at me. At 6 feet two and tipping the scales at 220 lbs with those piggy eyes sunk in his head he looked rather soul-less and frightening. Not that I wasw intimidated-Id grown up with an older brother whowas always fiveyears older and outweighed me by roughly two tons.As time progressed  it started with smart Alexy comments -Howsit going Chris? Id shrug and give a standard answer “Another day another dollar” Nate would  sneer-“A dollar?” as if to say “Hey look how stupid this guy is” Once he walks up behind me and yanks a jackhammer out of my hand and asserts this unit is for real men, not sissies. I smartly asserted back “Well then you better give it back before you hurt yourself dude” The stoners and druggies he was running his gob to would be watching close and start to giggle at this apocalyptic tennis match brewing.Little traps like this Nate would fall into left him baffled. He definitely didn't like being laughed at
One Monday after two weeks of episodes like this as we were all getting to the yard to leave on a road job for a week I came on Nate and a few guys talking. Nate was bragging about a sexual conquest of his over the weekend and getting rather graphic and laughing about it."I made her come and she went 'Whooooooooo"" I sensed he was lying for several reasons. He isn't particularly handsome and he talked rather naively and juvenile. Just what kind of woman would date this punk? Probably some poor young lady with low self-esteem? Mabie a zit in the corner of her mouth? This "objectification" and naiveity got my wheels turning a bit-It suddenly dawned on me why he hated me so much and I kicked myself for being so slow. By this time the word “Fag” was getting tossed around (behind my back of course) So I started formulating a little plan. Just had to bide my time but Id been dealing with shit like this since I was a toddler.We went on the road for a job out of town and stayed in a motel. Later that night my roommate John comes into our room disgusted. He looked at me and shook his head.”Dude you need to belt ole Nate right upside his head” I told him truthfully “John? That would easily get me fired even if I did it off the clock.” John looked at me soberly-” besides which see him for what he is-He is a boy a big boy in a man’s body using the same old intimidation tactics big boys use. He is baffled that it's not working for him so he runs his gob to his “Buddies” I take no joy in swatting the handicapped.” John told me” Ok? yeah well, he’s said right in front of the boss that you’re a faggot and if you make a move on him he’s gonna stomp your ass-Making threats isn't gonna get him fired looks like” I grinned at John “He REALLY said that?” John nodded.”REALLY ?!?” I was doing 'The Snoopy Dance' Inside my soul and John nods again a puzzled smile at me. He could see my wheels turning. I laughed." Don't you worry good buddy I got this by the ass.” John is grinning by this point-” What are you gonna do? C’mon, tell me” I shook my head “You’ll see” I couldn't wait.
It was summertime so many of the motels we stayed at had swimming pools of course. Id already had to endure snide comments from Nate about how white I was (I am red-headed and Irish of course-gee bravo Mr. Point-Out-Out-The-Obvious) The next night after work I pulled my beer cooler to the pool and parked it at the table dipped my foot and dove in. When I surfaced John was just letting himself in the gate and I hear the tail end of Nates’s voice saying something about “a bathing beauty” and the guys(Including our Boss) started laughing and cut their eyes away from me. I smiled inwardly. Just you wait right there, big boy. You playing with a real snake now.
I got out of the pool and plopped down on a chair across from Nate and next to my boss.We were sitting at one of those round pool metal furnature thingys with the umbrella up.How beach-bum can we get right?Ah! Relaxed and confident my head was buzzing pleasantly from a few beers by this point. It's now or never. I looked Nate in the eye and said softly.”So What's this shit I hear I'm Gay and you'll stomp me for making moves on you?”I cracked another beer taking my eyes off him only to take a long luxurious pull off my Milwaukee's Best (Only wimps drink that stuff according to Nate)I resumed eye contact which wasn't easy-Nate’s eyes sunk even further back into his piggy head when he was mad or uncertain. Everyone was stunned and watching. Can we say “Hear a pin drop”? I resumed my voice slowly rising to a controlled shout.”Lemmie tells you ONE G**DAMMN thing right now YOU are as SAFE from getting your ass taken as it gets.I should think even gay guys have standards and you are one UGLY MUTHER F**KER” !That's when John doubled over laughing. The two stoner guys were smiling their eyes flipping back and forth-Hey this is getting kinda cool! Tee Hee! ” You are more than safe! I'm plenty a man-when it comes to the ladies? I'm numero UNO. I don't treat women like dogs and go lie about it I like to think I got more class-Id deck you right now but your Daddy here would fire me and rightfully so”I jerked my head indicating the Boss to my right By this time Nates's eyes have disappeared into his head which resembled an apple with tiny lips. I lowered my voice Mockingly…“I know where this started. The way you talk about women? You’re like any dirtball. You see a chick you check out her body. It's instant and habitual. First time you saw me you saw my PURDY RED HAIR and your eyes dropped to my ASS. Then when you saw I had no BOOBS you looked at my face and got quite a shock! You were checking out a DUDES BUTT! EWWW! So whose the Fag here..............? “ by this time John and Both stoners are rolling laughing -I ignored this and stared coldly into Nate's piggy eyes.My Boss is clearly uncomfortable and Nate fuming.I shut everyone up as I furiously slammed my beer on the table and turned my attention to my boss-” He threatens me with violence behind my back and you don't even blink an eye? What kind of hobo are you anyway? Id hate to think what our Human Resource Dept might think of this little situation.”.