LiL Devil's blog: "walls (series of poems, follow in order to understand the story)"

The Coming Distance 10/30/2007 Her hand in his and the freedom to let Herself feel again Is the last thing known of the woman who Stayed behind Four walls of stone And the man who wouldn’t give up On the woman he knew He loved. Well now she is over come by the feeling Of Love, Its been so long since she Felt this way. She feels safe in his arms, Lost in his eyes, Melted by his touch, And free by his kiss. Yet she knows he must leave her soon for What will feel like An eternity Because it was a prior engagement he had Before her. The thought of him Being across the ocean fighting to keep His country safe Scares her to death But She’ll never let it show. She know she Has to be strong and show no fear. She’ll enjoy The time they have together for now Then cherish The time they had while he’s gone And Anticipate the times they will have. She knows The doubts he hides inside, She can see them In his eyes. She will do her best, all she can and then some, To calm his fears before he goes. He need not speak them for she can Sense them, The fear and doubt that she will be true While’s he’s gone Or that she Won’t really be here when he gets back. She’ll never tell him She knows what he fears because she knows He’s trying to be strong, Just like her. He doesn’t know exactly how strong she is Even though He knows most of what she’s been thru In her life. But still he knows not what she’s Made of. She has the stubborn will of a God, The grace of An angel, And the love of Goddess. She knows She can handle the year alone because After that she’ll never Be lonely again. The day he comes home she’ll be right there When he steps off that plane To greet Her soldier, Her man and, Her lover, With a smile, Open arms, And kiss To make-up for the year of kisses they missed. Yet all the while When he’s gone she’ll be right there by Her computer Waiting every night to talk to him, To see him, And know its one more day down. In his absence She’ll do all she can to make sure Everything is in order And ready for his Return home, So their two families can become one. She’ll spend her nights alone in the bed Hold his pillow tight, And dreaming She’s in his arms again. Her days will be spent Working, raising her son, and planning For her family’s coming Future. All this for a year, while he’s gone She’ll do Whatever it takes for as long as she Has too. For she loves this man and She knows He loves her too, And that’s all she needs to make It thru this Short time alone that she’s going to Have That will feel like an eternity.

She Lets It All Go 10/18/07 She’s come so far How could she think of turning back Now? Yet, with all she’s remembers How could she want to Go farther than she has already? These are the questions that She asks herself As she contemplates standing up and going To his side. Still with her hand in his she continues To search his eyes And his soul For signs of what to expect. Yet, all she finds Is the this strange and unknown sign That she can’t figure out. She knows She’s seen it somewhere once before but Can’t recall when or where. He just stands there And smiles at her as she is slowly beginning to Convince herself to trust him. She looks at the smile On his face It looks so inviting and so promising. Still battling inside her Shaking body With the little voice she starts to regain her Strength and some of the Faith She lost so long ago. He sees there is still a small amount doubt in her eyes And fear, So he tells her its okay to be Scared But he’s here to show her what she’s been Missing Inside the fortress of solitude she’s been hiding in. Again his words make a smile Grace her lonely Lips. Then he smiles back And tells her she has a beautiful smile That doesn’t need to Be kept sealed inside of her. At this she lowers her head because its been So long since she heard Such works spoken That it made her blush, oh the rush Of emotion. Then she looks back up at him and She knows What she must do now Because some new questions have Arisen in her mind. How on earth could this man Destroy her Well built fortress so quickly? How could he never give up hope that he Would find her And stop for just one moment trying to Help her? Who was he and where Did he come from? And lastly How could she let him down with all He’s done to get to This point By her turning back now and running away? She can’t turn back, She must proceed forward and Give him the chance He so well deserves and has more than Earned. She looks deep into his eyes And then Lets it all go, All of her fears and doubts. She stands up on Her own for the first time in a long time. She steps out from the Fallen stones between them and Goes to his side. From here on out she will give him the chance To show her Love really does exist. She closes her Eyes and falls into his arms And dares to love again. For its time to give Herself The chance to feel again. Its time to Let her soul to admit she’s been Wrong And then change her mind. She stares into his eyes, Deep down to where his soul lies, Parts her lips, Finds her voice, And the strength needed to say what Must be said And From her lips the words he has longed for Come out, I LOVE YOU!

The Voice Inside Her 10/16/07 She is still shaking, scared, and torn between Running and taking his hand. Still he patiently waits there with his Hand extended. As she looks up into his eyes, He again Reassures her that he wants her And her alone, He will wait as long as he has to. The warmth of the light Fears has almost completely taken over the inside Of her too. As it grows inside her it gives strength back To the tiny voice That always told her to go to the light. She had pushed it back further and further into the Cold darkness Till there was nothing left of it but a whisper That couldn’t be heard Because all the times she had listened to it she got hurt. As she stares into his eyes She searches his soul for signs, She sees something in his eyes she’s never seen before But she knows now what it is. The voice within her uses this sign as a way To help persuade her to Take his hand And to let him love her the way she needs To be. After a small battle within herself the Voice wins. Slowly and shakily she reaches up to take His hand. Just as she is about to put her hand in his She hesitates and pulls it back. The voice tells her Its okay To be scared but its time to fall in love Again. She musters up what little faith in Love She has and places her hand In his Without hesitation and only A small amount of fear. He takes hold of her hand but doesn’t pull her to Her feet. He waits for her to stand on her own. Now she must decide Rather to stay down, so if she falls Because he lets her Down Then she won’t fall far and it won’t hurt So bad, Or to stand and trust him not to let her Fall. Which will she do? Only Fate knows and Only time will tell.

Fallen Walls 10/9/07 It’s been sometime since she checked on The two walls That were left standing, Forming her shadowy corner. Without lifting her head she beings to feel a Warm light Crawl over her skin. She beings shaking like a lone leaf on an oak tree In a harsh winter storm, As the warmth slowly consumes every inch of her Being. In fear she lifts her head and looks up in time To see a third wall fall to the ground. Now she can no longer hide from the feelings She fears. All she can do is back up to the one shaking wall, Till it too collapses leaving her fully Exposed to the light And her fears. Still she hears his call and still she resists the urge To go to him. When she looks around her at the fallen walls She sees him standing there in front Of her. She looks up at him just as a lost and scared puppy Looks at its rescuer. She wonders can she really trust him. The tears roll down her face As she sees this man standing there and she realizes He knows how she feels. He extends his hand to her, in an offer to help her To her feet. Out of fear she draws away, Just as a scared puppy would from a stranger. He then lets her know he will wait Right here for her To be ready to take his hand and learn trust him. She tries to fight back the smile She feels coming a crossed her lonely lips But to no avail A smile appears. She begins to feel the warmth on the outside Begin to take over inside too. As the wall she’s backed up to crashes to the ground, Turning her cold stone fortress Into dust. Now she’s completely consumed by the light And its warmth. The next move is all hers and he stands there Patiently waiting For her to make it. She wonders she should she take his hand Or make a hasty dash in the other direction.

The Falling Walls 10/2/07 As the days pass by slowly she still sits Tightly in her ball Hoping this isn’t real. Finally she lifts her head to see whats going On with the crack in her wall. Her first thought is “oh god no” As another warm light beam hits her face and she Sees even more cracks have made Their way though her walls. She jumps to her feel with such a quickness And begins frantically looking for a Dark corner Of something to hide behind. As she runs around her stone fortress, She witnesses her far wall go crashing to the ground. As it falls the light comes rushing in. For a moment she is frozen In fear, shock, and total dismay. She sees a small corner that the light hasn’t found, yet. As she runs for this dark place to hide She feels His hand gently grab her’s. Momentarily she hesitates but then regains “her reality” And pulls her hand away and makes a hasty dash for the Shadowy darkness. She curls up in the corner trying to use the rubble Form the fallen wall To build a hiding place. She’s shaking so badly with fear that she Keeps collapsing her safety wall. She hears him still calling to her, sees him looking around The now destroyed fort. Oh god another wall is shaking, Fixing to collapse. When he stops for a moment and touches this Broken wall it Quickly gives way and falls to the Ground, The light is now everywhere just as bright And warm as it has Ever been. Yet, it still doesn’t quite reach her in her corner. All she can do is shake in fear And wonder How long before the other two walls are gone? And what kind of man is this That wont give up on Finding her?

The Walls are Breaking 09/27/07 She is still hiding behind her walls Consumed by her own Fears And doubts of what’s outside the Stone walls around her. She’s still shaking with tears rolling down her face As she hears his calls outside the walls, But she won’t get up. She lowers her head onto her knees As she draws her body up Into a tight ball. She does this because she notices a Small crack Forming in the wall in front of her, Where he stands on the Outside calling for her To come be by his side forever. She hides her face So she doesn’t see the light coming in Thru this crack Because after all if she doesn’t see it then It can’t be real. Also she wants to avoid seeing the glimsps of the World outside her Cold, dark, lonely walls. Yet she still feels the warmth this light gives Off as it hits Her skin. Oh no the walls are giving way, her fears are going to get in And she’s going to feel again. This very thought scars her even more than The thought of Not feeling At all.

Her Fears 9/24/07 She knows what she feels She knows how much she wants to just Close her eyes and fall. Yet she won’t let herself She’s afraid of the risk of it not being real And getting hurt again. The walls she has up surround her to protect Her must be weak, she thinks, But at least they haven’t crumbled, so she still Has some protection from the Emotions and from the feelings that lay Outside her walls. She hides behind these walls shaking in Fear of what’s outside of them. For all the times she went and let the walls Down she was hurt Beyond comprehension and expression. Inside her walls and her fears She knows at sometime, someone will break Thru the walls and get To her. But when he does will it be to Save her or Deceive her Like the rest? She’d give anything and everything to be Rid f these fears and to Fall into the unknown only to have Him there to catch her. But she can’t, her past hurts and present fears Won’t let her take That risk. So she sits with her fears, Inside her walls And hears the call of her deepest hopes and dreams but she wont get up Up from her dark and lonely corner To see if what she wants Is on the other side of her walls this time Because the risk is still to great, right now.

Him 9/20/07 She thinks of him in the day And dreams of him In the night The ringing phone puts on a smile on her face When its his name she sees. Her bad day fades away when his voice comes Across the miles and says “Hey Baby” The miles between them seem to be Non-existence For the hours she can spend just listening To him talk or even just hearing him Breathe. She can almost feel him right next to her as They connect over the Air waves. The time she gets to see his face over the cam while Listening to his voice makes it all the Better and eases The toughness of the distance between them. Soon he’ll be close to her even Though only for a short time For her it will be enough to last till the next time She holds him close to her And Falls into him.