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Greetings and Salutations, my Loving Family, Friends, Starve-Crazed "FuManiacs" and Loyal Subjects!!!!!
Your friendly neighbordhood "Lard of Dorkness" is back again with a recap from this past Sunday night's Hell In A Cell pay-per-view event, which originated from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida:
- In a pre-show match that was aired prior to the pay-per-view broadcast, DAMIEN SANDOW defeated KOFI KINGSTON when the "Intellectual Savior of the Masses" pinned the "Wildcat" following the "You're Welcome" Full Nelson Slam .....
- In pay per view bouts, .....
W.W.E. Tag Team Champions CODY RHODES and GOLDUST defeated SETH ROLLINS and ROMAN REIGNS (Representing THE SHIELD) and THE USOS (Jimmy and Jey) in a Triple Treat Match to retain the titles when Cody pinned Rollins following the Cross Rhodes .....
FANDANGO and SUMMER RAE defeated THE GREAT KHALI and NATALYA NEIDHART (with Hornswoggle) in a Mixed Tag Team Match when Summer pinned Natalya with a School-Girl Roll-Up .....
BIG E. LANGSTON defeated United States Champion DEAN AMBROSE (Representing THE SHIELD) by Count-Out ..... However, since championships in the W.W.E. can only change hands by either pinfall of submission, Ambrose retains the U.S. title .....
C. M. PUNK defeated RYBACK and PAUL HEYMAN in a 2-on-1 Hell In A Cell Handicap Match when the "Straight Edge Superstar" pinned Ryback following the G.T.S. - Go To Sleep .....
LOS MATADORES (Fernando and Diego, with El Toritio in their corner) defeated THE REAL AMERICANS (Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro, with former wrestling great Zeb Colter in their corner) when Fernando (or was it Diego? I'm still not sure!) pinned Swagger following the Double Bulldog Suplex .....
JOHN CENA defeated ALBERTO DEL RIO to become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion when the "Chain Gang Commander" pinned the "Essence of Excellence" following the Attitude Adjustment .....
Divas Champion A. J. LEE (with Tamina Snuka) defeated BRIE BELLA (with Nikki Bella) by Submission to retain the title when A. J. forced Brie to tap out to the Black Widow .....
And in the Main Event, RANDY ORTON defeated DANIEL BRYAN in the Hell In A Cell Match to win the vacant W.W.E. Championship when the "Apex Predator" pinned the "American Dragon" after Special Guest Referee and W.W.E. Hall of Fame Legend SHAWN MICHAELS floored Bryan with Sweet Chin Music.
As thrilled as I was to find out that C. M. Punk finally exacted sweet revenge on Paul Heyman after the "Second City Saint's" victory over Ryback in the H.I.A.C. Handicap Match, it's the main event H.I.A.C. bout between Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan that will be tha talk of the entire professional wrestling community (both in print and on the Internet) for many months (and probably years!) to come, especially when you consider how Shawn Michaels played a major role in the outcome of the championship fight. Sure, the "Heartbreak Kid" said he only leveled Bryan with Sweet Chin Music because he was defending his best friend and W.W.E. C.O.O. Triple-H in the closing moments of the contest, one has to wonder if Shawn sincere in his explanation the following night on "Raw", or was it all part of an elaborate "Master Plan" created by the former D-X mates to make sure Orton leaves Miami, Florida, as the W.W.E. Champion. While we may never know what really happened the way it did, one thing we know for sure, though; between now and WrestleMania 30 in New Orleans, Louisiana, Randy Orton will rule the roost as the "Top Guy" on the W.W.E. food chain and the face of the company .... until "Trips" and Stephanie McMahon decide to ditch the "Viper" for another top-level competitor (can you say Brock Lesnar?) that's even more ruthless and violent than the third-generation Superstar. While anything can happen between now and the "Show of Shows" a few months from now, we'll see how Orton's title reign plays out as he's scheduled to defend the W.W.E. title against C. M. Punk (POSSIBLE Spoiler Alert!) in the main event at next month's Survivor Series pay-per-view broadcast.
Well, my loyal subjects, that's about it for me right now. Hope to see you again next time. For now, though, keep thinking of good thoughts and pleasant dreams in your heart.
C-U Later and Enjoy the Mat Mayhem.
Peace!!!!
:D <3 ;)
