So like I have been doing serious thinking and Im not so sure about how my relationship is going.I mean I am ready for comittment but not so much living together.I feel safe at a distance.Im not exactly sure why that is just something ive always done since I lost my boyfriend.I have always ran from comittment and here I am actually in a relationship of 8 months.But im not as happy as i thought I would be.We are wayyyy too different and ive been trying to make it work but its just not going as i planned.Tonight i told her dont ask me to marry her because I would freak out.I also explained to her that I think we should have waited on moving in together because I think it would have been best.But whats done is done right.I know that I am hurting her by pushing her away but if I dont love her the way she loves me I am not going to make myself miserable trying to make myself love her. Im not going to do it just to make her happy.I think in the long run it would end up making me hate her.I dont want that to happen.Besides i think I need to face my past and deal with it instead of running from it and thats too much to even state right now.I would turn this blog into a book.
